Posts Tagged ‘toddlers’

Missing toys and period. The drama lives on.

November 15, 2012

Having a blah day.

Not just because Snort lost Finn yesterday and I still can’t find him.

Not because he lost his favourite Cars guy, a Lightning McQueen we customised the wheels on, this morning.

Not because I decided to organise the Cars and realised I am not only missing Coconut’s travel toy bag (JuJuBe BeQuick. I recommended these for every use you can think of. I love them!) I planned to put her cars in.

Not even because I then discovered we are missing four of her five Cars characters.

Just because. The above is mildly depressing. We just have so much STUFF. But they play with it all. On a day like today, though, I want to box it all up and live a minimalist life. Largely empty, beautiful rooms with only a handful of toys. Oh, god, can you imagine how good it would be?

Of course, I am a hypocrite because much of the junk in our house is actually mine. Or it wasmostly mine, before we were overrun with toys. Please god let me find the missing Cars. It’s too grey a day to be looking for secondhand Finn McMissiles on eBay. And even worse, the missing Lightning. He knows all of his Lightnings and they each are different to him, so it’s not like we can whip out the sharpies and customise another one’s wheels, because he will know.

I don’t want to go to home ed group today. I want to stay home in sweatpants. I want a good friend or two to come over and drink tea and laugh with me, while my children (and yours?) rip the house further apart, possibly losing more vital Cars toys into some unnameable, impossible chasm that swallows things.

If I buy a new Finn (two, actually, because our cars all have dabs of nail varnish on the bottom and I can’t dab just him one because you know his old one will turn up the second the new one arrives, leaving Coconut with a Finn with the wrong colour varnish on the bottom. Are you confused? WELCOME TO MY LIFE.)…..oh, god.

I wonder if I can justify skipping group by the fact that the kids have vaguely runny noses. And that I will somehow find something even super cooler to do. It’s just so grey and cold out! And my brain can’t handle the missing toys. Snort takes all his cars everywhere we go. They are pretty much the only toys he plays with. So losing his two favourite is a bitch. He seems to be adapting to the limbo missing state better than me. Perhaps because I stayed up till midnight, which I never do, and then was awake most of the night itching uncontrollably. Just like when I was pregnant.

Also just like I was pregnant….the fact that my period is like a week late. I am never late. A few friends who have had failed IVF said it took their bodies four months to get back to normal. I was glad to hear this, because my period being this late almost convinced me I was entering the menopause.

I….what? Tangent, much?

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Our day.

June 1, 2012

Everyone woke up later than usual. First thing I saw when going downstairs was…

8 30 Coconut has opened up her zoo dinosaur map, which has different pictures and names of dinosaurs on display. She’s collected up her plastic dinosaurs and is matching each one to the pictures on the map. She asks me to tell her the name of each one and I discover I’m a fool who can’t read long words.

Normal vitamins, teeth brushing, dance party, reading storybooks, putting clothes on interlude.

9 30 Went for an hour long drive. Found some nice paths and places to explore, but both kids wanted to stay in the car or go to our friend N’s house. The first ride in the new car was obviously awesome for them, and I drove aimlessly and turned on streets that looked interesting.

10 30 Came home to water guys digging up the pavement and fixing pipes. Snort was transfixed, while Coconut played in the car. Yanking on seatbelts. The water guys loved Snort….I wonder how long the love lasted when we stared at them for a good twenty minutes.

Lunch. Had a picnic on kitchen floor that moved out to lounge. A few minutes of High School Musical 2, Snort reading on his own for ages, lego, Coconut jigsawing, playing with little figures. And HSM background music for me. Cause I’m 11.

Snort playing with his baby, Coconut colouring. She then washed dishes in the big sink.

More play.

Postman delivered sidewalk chalk I ordered ages ago. We tumbled out into the garden and wasted no time drawing on the patio. Kids played ages driving and cleaning their cars, pretending to squirt each other with the hose, and kept handing me roly poly bugs. Ick, gross, etc.

Snail watching (and rescuing by placing near plants), playing in sand pit, weeding flowerbeds (of their own volition). Picking daisies. Snort pretend cutting the grass (always a favourite game, done with an empty disposable mop).

Painting with water and paintbrushes. And continuing to do so…to the Vengaboys for one song I’m sure the neighbours love us for. Try this water painting on your own patio. It’s good shit.

Ooh! A dramatic reinactment of a thunderstorm just because I said it looked like it might rain. We are talking full on dance, thunder sound effects and movements, hail stone jazz fingers, wind swaying. I’m kind of impressed.

My impressedness fades a bit when some rather dramatic crying ensues over a piece of shit jigsaw piece. They were using them as tickets and posting through a hole in a chair.

3 22 back inside. My head is painful. I wish TMD was here! Snack and a tv show.

At this point I don’t know what exactly happened. They were playing together so I went in another room and read for awhile! By myself! Alone!

Afternoon has been munching on homemade kale crisps, building a castle from couch cushions, building a shit heap from everything on this level of the house, and more kale crisp eating.

Right now they are watching a bit more tv while I sit in the kitchen and debate dinner. Do I make it? Or can the kale tide us over till TMD gets home? Ha. I know which option wins.

Ah, Snort has come in to check on our seeds. We are growing watercress. Give it a few days and they can eat that for dinner. Do you think all this stuff will turn their skin green? Make them grow roots? (Yes, hopefully, but a different sort of roots.) He is now washing dishes like Coconut did earlier. I’m not sure they are actually my kids.

Now, they’ve been going to bed way late, but hopefully today has tired them out. They always do really cool stuff with Mummy once she gets home. Mama likes to run away upstairs.

Give me thirty minutes and I’ll be upstairs again. Mmm.

Then we do it all over again tomorrow!

Ideal jobs for toddlers: poison taste testers for royalty.

October 20, 2011

The first time it happened was when I had the genuis idea to combine several favourite foods into a new meal. Potatoes were loved by one kid, tolerated by the other. Hummous and salsa were both gobbled with abandon at any opportunity. TMD invented the jacket/baked potato with hummous and salsa years ago, so I knew how tasty it was. I was so excited to see their faces light up with love for the dish.

Instead, Snort looked at me like I was offering him dog shit smothered in cigarette ashes. Coconut wasn’t much better.

Oh, folks, the sheer falacy that if your kid likes A and B, then when you combine A and B into a new dish they will LOVE it. #incorrect #youfoolmother #whybothertrying

It happened this week again, with tortillas, shredded cheese, and black beans heated, rolled up, and then cut into smaller pieces. Oh HELL no. Beans and MELTED CHEESE? That shit ain’t right, Mama, how can you mess with our palates this way?

I tried again. Pizzadillas with a sprinkling of black beans. ‘Oh NO, beans!’ Snort exclaimed, picking each bean out and then shoving the rest of the thing in his mouth.

While baby led weaning has given them superb food handling skills, cutlery and glasses skills years beyond their age – I don’t know if it’s made them non-picky. Coconut WILL eat anything – if she tries something and doesn’t like it, she will just continue and continue to eat it, even if it means spitting it out after every bite. Snort, on the other hand, can tell the difference between the sodium-laced canned lentil soup (yum!) and the healthy organic homemade slow cooked lentil soup that looks and smells IDENTICAL to the canned stuff in one glance (poison! I will not try it!).

Bottom line: there is no point in me trying to be creative at this point. While it will result in the awesomeness of me having five spartan black bean burritos to myself,  it also means my kids end up starving.

Beans on toast? DELICIOUS. FEED US MORE. WE CANNOT GET ENOUGH.

Creative dish with added protein? WHORE. HOW DARE YOU? WE KICK DIRT ON YOUR EFFORTS.

Thus ends this public service announcement.