Ten ‘technological’ facts.

10. I had a pager in the early 1990s. It was teal and AWESOME. My babies get their gangsta from me.

9. I only wear Baby G watches – preferably with plastic straps. TMD buys me one like every six years and I wear it until it is a faded brown poop colour, no matter what colour it started out as. (I need a new one, incidentally.)

8. Right now my first ever mobile phone contract is so overdue for renewal and I am panic attacking over which free phone to get. I don’t want any of them because they are crap.

7. I love reading reviews of technological things (or anything, I suppose). But it is a thankless job when every review of every phone I am eligible for says that phone is crap.

6. My sister is getting an iPhone 4 ’cause she is more gangsta than me, and mailing me her 3GS ’cause I am more poor than her. *DO NOT FORGET TO DO THIS, SISTER.* Once I have this new-to-me awesome phone, I give TMD the new piece of crap I am entitled to….’cause we are poor, remember? Don’t feel too sorry for TMD (unless you want to donate us a phone!) because even a new piece of crap is lightyears ahead of our old pieces of crap. It’s all relative.

5. I married someone who is somewhat of a technophobe, and possibly wouldn’t use the internet for anything other than her email if Farmville did not exist. I’m only slightly exaggerating.

4. My uncle worked for a certain top brand of PC for years and years and we had a computer when I was in third grade. That is long before computers were in the home, dawg. PC Junior in the hizzouse! Bouncing Babies! King’s Quest! (I used old school reams of computer-paper-with-feeder-holes-on-the-side to create mastercharts of where the wolves, witches house, and tree stumps were.)

3. We did not get cable till I was in fourth grade, which was long after everyone else had it.

2. I never listened to the radio till I was in sixth grade (possibly explaining at least part of the reason I had few friends?). I also never had a Whopper till I was in tenth grade. No, we weren’t Amish.

1. Me and my sista were ACE at blowing on old Nintendo games to make them work. Quick blow left, quick blow right, three fast puffs in the middle!! (Best game ever that also makes no sense? Mysterious Mansion! Though I also holla for Bubble Bobble!)

Dare I say it, but I’m pretty calm for a crazy person in her luteal phase.

Alright. Tenuous internet connection established, after 60 minutes on the phone. I have never been so assertive in all my life. I sounded like one of those passengers on the airline reality tv shows – weary like I’d been travelling for 24 hours straight, and then forced to live in the airport.

Fuck-a-nut. The ‘customer operative in my area’ will be here within 30 minutes. I really hope it’s not the high as a kite boy who installed everything. The smell of skunk (that’s drugs, my country friends) was so powerful I found myself giggling and craving M&Ms.

I hate being what TMD calls the ‘project manager’ on this sort of shit. I really, really do.

Still, in other news, Marmite had her first steps in the great out of doors yesterday. Born free, etc etc.