Posts Tagged ‘strength’

Lots of stuff in response to Tatiana.

December 18, 2008

This morning wasn’t great. I can no longer brush my teeth. I got violently and repeatedly ill this morning. While I have vomited up water, most of my days thus far have been dry heaving. No longer.

This morning I puked up water, then bagel, then continued to dry heave. I think I have ripped every stomach muscle I have. The puke was so thick it rebounded and a thick string of it went all the way across my face.

I collapsed into a sobbing wreck, saying that I didn’t think I could handle this. And also, I’m terrified because it’s such early days that it can only get worse. No thought of the babies/baby this morning, just a lot of ‘poor me’ going on.

I also called my boss crying to say I had missed the first train and didn’t know what to do. I’m a lot calmer now, sitting at work. Taking very very small bites from ginger cookies every few minutes or so. It’s really convenient that I hate ginger, you know? Still, I’ll try anything.

I was flipping through my big fat pregnancy book – and all the symptoms it lists for month two are ones I had already in month one. I can’t help but think this really might be twins. It has stopped being a joke and turned more into a fear factor experience.

Of course I want to be pregnant. Don’t get me wrong.

But I feel like shit. This morning on the train I was thinking about riding that train and looking down into my baby’s goofy, smiling face and thinking all this sickness was worth it.

Had terrible back cramping in the shower this morning. Having some cramping in the front now. It never stops being spooky and somewhat scary. I had 12 hours of sleep last night, plus a nap yesterday, and could quite easily bed down on the couch again today.

It doesn’t bode well when plain, ordinary water grosses you out. And toothpaste – Jesus. Aussie said her two mom-type friends at home both had problems with brushing their teeth. Made me feel better. I don’t have any real life friends around here who have had babies.

I can’t believe my symptoms are this strong and I’m still not even at the date where I should be testing for pregnancy. (Erk. Worried about these cramps.) I should be booked in for a scan three weeks from 20 December, which is my official test date. That’s when I find out if this is a viable pregnancy, as well as how many beating hearts are in my stomach.

I wish I was rich and could stay home all day for the next two years.

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