Posts Tagged ‘stalker tendencies’

To you & your family

August 26, 2009

To my dear friend,

When I found your blog in September (interestingly, the first post I commented on is called “The first risk of IVF: twins“) I didn’t know that I had found a friend.

Little did I know that I would follow your journey through IVF and pregnancy with not only bated breath, but genuine tears and love.

When you had to poke needles into yourself, I cringed, but I kept reading.  As you read through the donor profiles, I wished there were some way you and TMD could just conceive together and not have to involve anyone else at all.  I cheered for you when you showed us your positive pregnancy test.  I wept as nausea and vomiting overwhelmed you and left you feeling wrung out and horrible.

In short, ever since I found you in September, I have been swept along by your words.  As we became friends — an organic, natural process — I’ve been swept along by your personality.  I couldn’t be happier.

Very very soon, I’ll know how you felt when you posted about my Maia arriving.

I’ve said a thousand times that I wish I could be there, with you and TMD, helping you out when the babies arrive.  I mean it.  I’ve always meant it.

Life is going to change so fundamentally for you that everything pre-babies will seem important only because it brought you to them.  Your relationships with people — and yourself — will change.  It’s difficult.  It’s really, really difficult.  You’re going to realize you’re a stronger person than you ever knew.  Stay strong but flexible.  Cry when you need to.  Let TMD cry if she needs to.

Trust each other.

There will come a time when it is just you two and your babies at home, and it will blow your mind.  But then it’ll become commonplace, simply the way things are, and you might lose the wonder that you felt when they first came into your lives.  Try to hold onto that wonder.  There’ll never be a day when you don’t need TMD’s support or she doesn’t need yours, but there’ll be moments when you think you’d be better off without one another.  You’ll doubt each other.  Go back, find the love that brought you together, find the wonder that bound you when you first looked at your babies and then one another, and hold it as fiercely as you can.  You need each other.

You choose your spouse, because you want to be with them forever.  You don’t choose your children, but you want to be with them forever anyway.

You’re going to be amazing mothers.

All my love,
Tatiana.

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Blog post 601.

October 29, 2008

So. I keep hearing Twitter this and Twitter that. I never bothered to go to the website until a person I like mentioned it in her blog. Due to the aforementioned liking, and a healthy dash of respect, I did it: I clicked over to Twitter and signed up.

This is my Twitter page. Feel free to add me.

I am yet to see how this is different from the status updates a la Facebook, so if you know some deep, dark secret about Twitter, do let me know. In the meantime, I’m quite excited as I think I would update my Facebook status 43718502 times a day if it wouldn’t look fucking weird.

Twitter appears to encourage constant updating. No promises as to how active or long I’ll be there. If you’ve got a Twitter account, let me know! Thus far I’m only following two.

(five) Margaret

October 29, 2008

You are the author of one of my favourite books. You were so mean and weird when I met you, I ended up crying in Burger King. You made me doubt.

I am a non-train spotter.

October 19, 2008

I talk about the train station all the time. Want visuals? (Apologies for quality, taken on my phone.)

The walk to the station:

My train platform going into work, where all the Crazy Shit With John happens:

The platform when I get home (and huddle under cover from the rain waiting for TMD to pick me up!):

Lovely road behind the park behind our house (behind the front of the house, behind the street in front…):

Last bit of walk home, where I imagine a crazy killer could get me at night, were it not so peaceful:

And now, our cat (I am becoming everything I hate by posting pictures of my pet, appreciate the sacrifice):

Morning talks that should be televised due to their educational content.

October 9, 2008

This morning before leaving for work, I said to TMD that I was upset about something I should actually be rejoicing about: that John (my train station friend) seemed to be avoiding me. My lovely wife said, ‘Of course. You are avoiding him because he is a freak. You do not want him to avoid you because YOU are a freak.’

Then who should plop down next to me today but John, a huge smile on his face. He looked at the book I’m reading (David Copperfield) and launched into discussion on Charles Dickens. This merged into a talk about the home of George Shaw. By the time the train came, we were pondering Society (as opposed to ordinary society).

On the train, we began to talk about the Holocaust. You know, as you do with an almost-stranger at 9:17 in the morning. John pointed out that so many people divide things into black and white, so I enlightened him on Melanie Klein’s theory about this. I also recommended he read Those Who Save Us, a book Cookie mailed me last week.

All in all, a good start to the morning. I think John’s uniquest quality is what appeals to me and also makes me avoid him – his knack for skipping anything looking like social niceties and just jumping into a deeper level of conversation. It’s slightly off-putting, throws me off whack, yet I admire his ability to do this.

Hmm.

And now a break from the baby obsession:

October 8, 2008

I went into town last night to meet Corporate T. TMD, him, and myself (bad grammar there, possibly?) were going to go out for a big, fat Mexican meal. I stood on the corner for ages waiting for both of them. Every few minutes there was a loud scream from the square. I ignored it, assuming it was just another winter-type carnival with a particularly stomach twisting ride.

Turns out it was the fucking premiere of High School Musical 3. By the time I decided to weave my way to the red carpet I’d missed most of the big stars. While my back was turned to look for TMD, I apparently missed Sharpei (bad spelling maybe?). How irritating that I could have got a picture of Troy and then made my own Troy flair. Not that I’m obsessed with little online buttons sporting his visage, no.

Sometimes I forget how cool this city is. All that aside, though, I’m glad I moved out of it.

Meeeeeeeeeeeemories.

September 30, 2008

I just wrote ‘once and awhile’ in the previous post. I’ve fixed it now, but it horrifies me.

My friend/ex-roommate Cookie once dated this girl we’ll call Crazy Short Girl. Now, Crazy truly was crazy, but I think it was her grammar problems that sealed the deal for me. And for Cookie, come to think of it.

In a totally non-crazy way, Cookie and I read Crazy’s blogs for years after they’d broken up (and the blog of her new gf. I know, right?) and Crazy had this annoying habit of writing ‘all well’ every third sentence. As in, ‘All well, I guess things are working out.’ She meant ‘oh well.’

I hope I am not turning into her, with my ‘once and awhile.’ Ga-ga-ga-gross.

High school romance, take one.

September 4, 2008

Jaysus Kee-rist.

The love-of-my-life-before-TMD, my first love, just friended me on Facebook. Of course I knew he existed in the Facebook world of things, because he was friends with some of my friends. I just swore to myself that no matter how badly I wanted to see his profile I would not friend him – and I wondered if he would friend me.

Of course, we can ignore me essentially asking my sister to copy and paste his profile into an email.

I listed us as having gone to high school together and skipped the ‘we dated’ option as I felt it might be a bit controversial. Especially as our last conversation was him saying he was worried he had turned me gay, and I lied and said I wasn’t. Not one of my proudest moments, but I think I still crazily thought we would get back together.

He’s a really great guy and it would be nice to send the occasional email, but don’t know if that will happen. I have decided that I am prettier than his wife, though, so that makes me happy. I won’t tell anyone (except you) that I immediately started looking through my own Facebook pictures to see if I looked monstrous or hot. I think I fall somewhere in between.

Crazy (again, a word I seem to keep repeating) that we stopped dating about twelve years ago. Old school, man, old school!

I’m glad he friended me first. This somehow makes up for the fact that he ripped my heart out, and I therefore ripped out the hearts of everyone else I dated – until TMD. I try to be gentle with hers.

Rabbit stew, anyone?

August 3, 2008

Today someone found my journal by searching for, ‘How do I know if I’m a stalker?’

I think if you have to ask yourself that question, things are definitely getting out of hand.

Exposing my ignorance.

July 12, 2008

Fuck. TMD and Aussie have just told me that Dumbledore and Gandalf are not played by the same person. I don’t really believe them; I swear there was some sort of connection. When I asked them (ah, speakerphone) if there was, Aussie said, ‘What, other than the fact they’re both wizards?’

So: I met Gandalf.

I would have rather met Dumbledore – the original one. No offense to the guy who PLAYS Gandalf, because he was lovely. I just prefer smart wizards who will teach me magic to old men wizards who are off rambling the world fighting wars. Though his fireworks would be cool.

Ah: further correction. Aussie did not puke off a pier in Denmark, Crazy Bitch did. Sorry, Aussie.