Posts Tagged ‘sexual health’

A test of the public awareness system.

December 1, 2008

Is that ribbon big enough to remind you that it’s World AIDS Day today?

I’m sending out warm, squishy vibes to those I know with HIV/AIDS. And to everyone, take five minutes in your lunch break today to google AIDS and see what you can learn. Even if you think you understand the mechanics of transmission, available treatments, statistics – there are loads of projects around the world struggling to inform and educate the public. Give them¬†props today, as well as all the committed individuals behind those red ribbon organisations.

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…Or is my body screwed up?

November 2, 2008

Anyone wanna help me out here?

I’m on Day 10 of my cycle – been on the birth control pill since Day 1. And while I wouldn’t say my period was still officially going strong, something is. Like very, very light brown spotting. It hasn’t stopped – and let me tell you, an ten day period is not something I have experience with.

Has anyone else had this happen as a result of hormone changes?

Number one on my wishlist…

October 14, 2008

I have been worrying lately that I’m too much of a worrier. Like my brain instantly jumps to The Worst Possible Outcome in any unknown or ambiguous situation. I’ve been reading Becoming a Mother and realising that everyone thinks they have cancer at some point, or just KNOWS a mysterious man will rape them on a dark street, etc.

So.

What prompted this? The clinic rang and left a message while I was in a clinical meeting. I rang back. The girl said they had the test results, and then put me on hold for ages. Of course I thought, ‘Oh Jesus, I’ve got a chromosomal fuck-up and they are discussing the best way to tell me.’ Turns out the girl was just new and didn’t know what she was doing.

End results: every. single. blood. test. (I think we’re talking about twenty!) is back and everything is a-okay. The head nurse is due to ring me back and discuss the treatment plan with me. This is it: it’s all real now. We are doing IVF.

I think this means I begin taking the pill when my vagina next emits The Blood, and then on day 17 I start forcing TMD to give me injections while I keep my eyes averted. Then I will bleed once more, then more shots, and ultrasounds, and blood tests, and egg harveting, and ICSI, and embryos being put back into Uterous Land. Phew. At that point I will pregnant until proven otherwise….and have an endless wait till I get a blood test confirming whether or not we are pregnant.

BABY TIME, people. Baby time.

Being helpful on a Tuesday morning.

October 14, 2008

Up on the right there, you’ll see a link called ‘baby related books.’ This is where I’m planning to keep track of the books I read that are relevant to this topic, including little blurbs that will help jog my memory. I welcome any suggestions of stuff you feel is worth reading!

I may do a therapy books section as well, although that would have to be a ‘best of the best’ type situation because I’ve read hundreds of the things. I imagine at some point the same will be true of ttc/pregnancy/baby books.

Lesbian bed death? Never.

October 10, 2008

I am feeling about twenty million times more sexual lately. I know, I know, you didn’t ask. But TMD and I have had some very good times lately, and twice in the past week I’ve thought, ‘That woman is hot‘ (about others, and I’ve thought it about TMD many, many more times!) This is not particularly usual for me, I must say.

It makes me wonder if I was in a mild depression for the four years I was at Day Job (okay, perhaps ‘mild’ is a bit of an understatement about how I felt about/in that job a lot of the time). I’m now in a job where I am expected to actually work, but at a human and bearable rate – this means I’m putting myself to bed earlier, more relaxed during the days, feeling emotionally better for not just hanging ’round the house a lot.

I have also felt like a weight has been taken off my chest since we moved out to the country. Yes, I still work in the city, but I know I get to leave it at the end of the day!

Stress about the baby has also reduced in a weird way, as we have a plan in place.

The end result of all of this is that my body appears to be waking up. Not too shabby for a lesbian in her ninth year of marriage.

Baby momma.

September 23, 2008

Was back at the clinic this morning. Some complicated period math went on.

You see, I have to have all my blood tests back before I am accepted as an egg donor. The doctor-lady said I could start taking the pill next Tuesday (when my period is due, so whenever it actually starts) as then if the tests were all fine we could go ahead with the drugs and treatment.

Then there was a big ass gap before we saw the nurse. I think they were actually discussing a potential match? I’m not sure. The nurse gave me the pill (I need to regulate my cycle to match that of the egg recipient) but told me not to take it until they called. This effectively means I wouldn’t start it until around about 30 October, when the next period would be due. THIS means that drugs&stuff would start in November and intensify in December, when the egg retrieval and embryo replacement (can’t actually think of the technical term for this) would be.

THIS is dodgy because the clinic is closed in the week between Christmas and New Year, so if either of my next two periods are late it could push everything back grotesquely and we’d have to try later. The doctor-lady didn’t seem too worried about it, so nor will I.

Am still feeling very very VERY positive about IVF.

Had a ‘moment’ when filling in some egg donation forms. They asked if the first cycle wasn’t succesful and there were frozen embryos, could they continue to treat the egg recipient – or something to that effect. I suddenly thought/felt, If I’m going to do this, I’m going to do it right. I don’t wish any harm to the woman who will receive my eggs. I am working on being open-hearted enough to hope she has success, though that part is a bit difficult as I am still protective about my eggs.

But she’s been on a waiting list for a long time, I have thousands of eggs I will never use, and I know what it feels like to want a baby. I hope hope hope we get pregnant this first go, but if we don’t I think I’d happily go through another egg donation cycle of IVF.

Cross your fingers, yo-dee-lady-de-who.

It’s coming out of the crapper, take one.

September 22, 2008

Went to the hospital this morning for the longest consultation known to man. The doctor thinks my ‘problem’ is not gynocological in nature; indeed, she thinks I might have IBS.

I’m now stocked up on powdered laxatives and ‘anti-spasmodic’ drugs to take before I eat. I do this little routine for a month and cross my fingers. I have a follow up appointment in three months.

This is still very up-in-the-air, but the nice thing (I suppose) is that some student doctor got to see her first real live cervix today…….mine.

The doctor said I can go ahead with starting IVF for the next cycle. Tomorrow is our IVF consult. All I am waiting on is blood test results. I need to pick some up from my normal doctor’s; if they haven’t all been done, I need to get more blood drawn at a premium rate. Still, these outstanding blood tests are ones with quick results. That means that all going well, I’ll start taking some IVF related drugs next month!

Bring on the baby….and the poop.

September evenings smell so good.

September 20, 2008

Went back to the clinic this week for – drumroll, please – more blood tests. We also had ‘counselling.’ Over the past couple of weeks, I’ve had an intensifying feeling that I really may not be very good at my new job. Still, TMD keeps doing impressions of the counsellor we saw, and I think all I have to do to remember that I don’t suck is realise that at least I’m not OPENING MY MAIL during sessions.

Still, she hooked us up with what will probably be a useful network, told us to sort out our wills, and also showed us a book I really rilly want. It’s called Our Story, or something like that. It’s the story of two moms and their baby/child – how they had to go to the hospital to help get pregnant, etc. It’s not as creepy as Heather Has Two Moms (sorry, I know I am offending all you right on lesbians out there, but I remember that book being fucking WEIRD), and has cute kid-drawn illustrations. I want it, dudettes. Only seven smackaroonies.

The other useful thing the counsellor said was that we are already trying to conceive. In a bizarre way I already feel pregnant, though obviously that hasn’t happened. However, A Good Friend Who May Wish To Remain Anonymous thinks she’s pregnant with the next Jesus, and if that’s true I’m pregnant with Jesus III.

I think the only thing I have any doubts about is donating eggs. Am I not the altruistic kind? In a way, it feels like giving a child up for adoption or something. It’s odd as I have no ethical qualms about using donor sperm; though I do think women tend to be more precious about their eggs. Since our visit to the clinic on Thursday (?), I’ve been googling ‘IVF versus IUI’ a lot, and I am feeling really rock solid about IVF. It is the right choice for us.

There are fears – if IVF doesn’t work, it would feel sort of hope-draining to have to go ‘backwards’ to IUI. But as much as I resist it, I am feeling ridiculously positive and shining about the baby I know IVF will bring us. We’re going to the clinic again next week to have the IVF consult. The only thing hanging over my head is this fucking laparoscopy. The pain in my lower right abdomen is clearly going away, and I am so impatient to cook me up some baby pancakes that I almost don’t want to bother with the surgery. I’ve got the consult for that next Monday.

I’ve been to hospitals/clinics/my doctor more times since July than I have in the ENTIRE time I’ve lived in this country.¬† (Oh, I’m almost an official citizen! My ceremony is on October 6. Rock on free passport holder!)

Have I ever told you about Daisy and Joey? When we were growing up, my sister liked punching me in the stomach. Fuck knows why. I got around this for a number of years by telling her I had twins growing in me. At one point, another baby called Petunia joined the crew – but it was really Daisy and Joey who ruled the roost.

In a completely crazy, mostly unscientific sort of way, I am convinced we are going to have twins. One in four IVF births does result in multiples, so it’s not too unreasonable to think it might happen to us. I think the whole Daisy and Joey argument is perhaps erring on the side of wack-a-doodle-doo…..but my friend Opposite Gender Soulmate told me he had a dream a few months back that he was looking at pictures of me and TMD on Facebook, and we had twins. While he initially wrote this off due to stalking my profile AND seeing a scary movie about twins (why oh why didn’t I ask the name of it? I wish my wife liked scary movies!), he now says he thinks he ‘saw the faces of our future children.’

He also pointed out that I do like having two of everything (ie ‘one for best’).

Fuck it. If I’m not allowed to be chirpy and charmingly superstitious in my own diary, where can I be?

(I still am having big pooping problems. TMD is not amused.)

PS – The counsellor asked me what my orientation was. My reaction was a quiet astonishment, since I was there with my wife. Turns out she meant my theorectical counselling orientation.

PPS – I had a PPS but wanted to get down the PS first, and now I forgot it. Fuck.

PPPS – Fuck! Thought I remembered it, but then got dissauded by another PS and now I think I’ve forgot that one as well.

PPPPS – YES. Had a dream last night – been dreaming a lot about IVF. Last night we had two perfect embryos ready to be put back in my womb, and it was a boy and a girl. (No, we’re not planning on asking for this information in real life.) This is what TMD would like to happen, and I turned to her in the dream and sort of sigh-talked, ‘It’s just what we wanted!’

PPPPPS – I changed the name of this country’s currency for ‘smackaroonies.’ Am I uber-paraboid or what?

Ain’t no party like a Diet Coke party.

September 17, 2008

This whole baby thing is already driving me slightly crazy. I don’t know what it will be like to be actually trying for a child, because right now I haven’t had anything done to my body (not really, anyway), and I already feel I can wear the label ‘trying to conceive’ without it being a total lie.

Went to my doctor’s in my lunch hour to pick up blood tests – only two results were back. They were the two I didn’t even need. There is a big question mark over the other tests and whether they will be free or not. Tomorrow morning I’ve got blood tests at our non-free clinic – tests for cystic fibrosis as well as a chromosomal analysis. This is to make sure I’m not donating eggs to other people that will hatch baby monsters, I assume.

I am just not a take-it-easy kind of person, much as I would like to think I am. I need to have things planned out, have a clear outline – at least in relation to babymaking. I’d like to know when we can start, and there is so much uncertainty in the air I’m always feeling a wee bit nervous. I also feel really really positive, though, so that’s the good part.

Every time my right abdomen hurts, I get annoyed because it means I will have to go ahead and have the laparoscopy. Annoying, and I bet they find nothing aside from the tiny cyst non-free clinic found. (Free tests did NOT find it. I am not surprised – you get what you pay for?)

I also know I’ve got the tendancy to go a bit obsessive. I think my major task right now is just relaxing. To that end, I am drinking tea again on occasion, as well as the odd Diet Coke. Go, me! I’m so crazy I don’t know what to do with myself!

Erm.

Cast away.

September 14, 2008

For the moment, I’ve decided that babychart.wordpress.com is too much fucking trouble. Back to Fertility Friend I go.

Truth is, since we’ve basically decided on IVF life has turned good again. I’m still taking my temp every morning and peeing on little ovulation sticks, but I’m not so fussed about the whole thing. I’m having some coffee at work and some Diet Coke at home.

I’m got more relaxed about my cervix (although it was SO LOW today it felt like it was trying to make a break for freedom). Everything seems easier and more normal, and I think that is because IVF takes the trouble out of conceiving. Don’t get me wrong – it adds injections and all sorts of IVF-y problems, but it makes me less fearful to take an allergy pill because they dry out your cervical fluid, and that is a sign of fertility.

I took an allergy pill last night and it was almost sensual it’s been so long since I had one.

I think IVF is the way I’ll feel most like myself, able to just live ordinary life – at least for the next month or two while we build up to it. And I think pregnancy is best and most likely when life is going on as per usual (assuming, of course, that life per usual doesn’t involve drugs/alcohol/bad things).

While gardening today I kept thinking, ‘Next year at this time there will be a little baby.’ I really hope that’s true. Or true times two.