Posts Tagged ‘routine’

The truth.

October 2, 2009

Thank you to all who responded yesterday. It is always a pleasure when people reach out to help me, particularly as I have never been one to say when I needed help – at least prior to my training as a counsellor/therapist, anyway. That changes things, or at least it changed me.

I think one of the problems is that I have been treating Coconut and Snort as singletons, at least in relation to eating. But it is inescapable that they are not singletons. It’s interesting to talk to moms of singletons versus moms of twins. Twim moms talk about crying a lot whilst both babies are crying – who do you go to? How do you prioritise? Twin moms also talk about all the different things they have tried – different routines, different feeding techniques – all the ways they have fumbled along before time or ‘routine’ was a success. Singleton moms don’t have the same need for routine.

Let’s say it takes Snort, on a good feed, about twenty minutes to have his bottle. Then ten minutes of burping or whatever. That’s right quick, indeed, but sometimes he manages it. So then he’s awake for awhile. But Coconut and her snacking (think I have it figured out – she is part vampire. She is ‘snacking’ during the day as he does at night, when he doesn’t need as much to eat. We need to keep her AWAKE during the day, for god’s sake.) – it could take her 20 minutes to eat a little bit. An hour later and she needs another 40 minutes or so.

When you look at my ‘schedule’ as a whole, I am feeding one baby for about an hour. There may be a slight overlap of sleep or play time, say ten minutes (like right now!). Then the cycle starts again with the other one. This is what comes of being baby-led. I’m not saying I want to turn into a drill sergeant, but in some ways we HAVE. Going out? We have bags packed, bottles ready, feeding sorted as best we can. If hell breaks loose when we are out, TMD and I have ways to immediately manage (of course, this would be different should I be alone).

The thing is, the one adult to two newborns ratio has some inherent problems, and it’s going to take me some time to sort it all out. The mini goal for today (though it is probably quite a challenge) is to get them used to going flat on their backs after eating, instead of passing out in their bouncy chairs. Snort in particular will resist this. I am scared of it with Coconut, because DAMN can she vomit – and being tilted helps. That being said, I have thrown her on a pillow on the ground, and she is merrily kicking away. No vomit to be seen.

I feel there was a lot more I wanted to say. To vent, to figure out, to explain to other people.

It’s nice to read that other twin moms find it really hard. There are also some who choose to take the hardness, and use to to help those that follow. It is a community unlike others, though ‘mom communities’ seem to me to be more welcoming, inclusive, and understanding than many I’ve belonged to. Twin moms just have the added level of knowing how fucked up it sometimes gets.

Me? I think I am a person dedicated to herself. Suddenly having snatches of time here and there for me, which I devote to updating this blog and keeping my sanity, is something I am unaccustomed to. As is working this fucking hard. My GOD, is it hard. Even as I am admiring Coconut’s stunning eyelashes, a small part of me is glancing at my chart to see when Snort is due to wake up. It’s like a constant little ball of dread, of oh fuck, of ‘I just need a break. Please.’

My life will never be the same again. I think I am only just starting to comprehend what that means on a very basic level. I think the tears rolling down my cheeks for about 3 hours straight yesterday were due to this being the first week on my own – and yesterday was the first day without any visitors. My SPD is still bad. Really bad. I have not properly slept in the seven weeks since they were born. I am also not one who does well emotionally when she is stuck at home; I know this about myself from long before I was even pregnant.

Crap. Snort waking up. Coconut doing some intermittant crying. Hope she settles soon on that blasted pillow. Need to go feed him. I am not done with this entry, not by half. But will post it now as not sure when I’ll get another chance. And if I post now, maybe I will get comments now?

I am lonely.

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6 weeks 4 days after giving birth, an update.

September 26, 2009

Today is day one of Gina Ford’s twins routine – TMD’s baby for the day is Snort, and I’ve got Coconut. Tomorrow we swap. The idea is that we follow the routine, but it’s more gentle for the babies because the one who is waiting has someone there to soothe him/her. Don’t know how we’ll get on with this routine, but are going to do it the whole weekend. I really, really wish Mil wasn’t going to be here today.

I’m reading a Winnicot book (perhaps all my counselling training shall soon rear its ugly head in regards to the psychological development of babies), and it is making me more and more ready for her to be gone! We are not going to let her feed today, because it takes her upwards of an hour (or more) per baby, what with the copious and mental winding.

The other thing I’ve done this morning (as TMD is shhing and soothing away in the bedroom, convincing the babies that yes, we really do think they should have a snooze) is dig out my old Weight Watchers book. I did the little quiz to see how many points per day I should be eating. I’m not saying I’m going weight-crazy or anything, but I am thinking about how to make sure I am eating enough of the right foods. Pregnancy and early parenthood have fucked with me. I also weighed myself, just out of curiousity.

I am exactly the same weight as I was when I started Weight Watchers a few years ago. For those of you newish to the blog, I lost about 60 pounds then. I find it odd (and exciting?) that I weigh the same now. Perhaps it is a good omen, and all things considered, I did pretty well considering it was twins! When I checked out of the hospital, I was 19 pounds lighter after giving birth. (I gained 50 pounds exactly during pregnancy….yes, from a higher weight than my final WW one. Shoot me.) I have also lost 5 pounds since coming home – probably due to the fact that I exist on cereal and diet coke.

I know a major part of my recovery is going to be fitness. Pilates is on the agenda – like I have time to pop in a DVD and exercise? I need to strengthen my core muscles to help my back and hips. My pelvis is still jackity wackity, and I DO NOT want to have surgery (though I will start asking questions if I reach 6 months post-partum and am still all broken). Bottom line: I need to be able to walk, so I can push the pram in case we need to go to the doctor’s or whatever. I may not be able to do a load of muscle exercises now, though I am dutifully doing what the physio has proscribed, but losing some weight would make it easier on my joints as well.

And let’s not forget my legs: after sevenish months of not walking, it has been difficult to move around the flat. My legs are finally feeling normal and like they can support my body, so yay!

Anyway.

Snort is now out of bed and in his bouncer in the nice, bright lounge. Oh, Gina.

A good day full of not so good things?!

April 27, 2009

I just interviewed a guy who was so negative it was like talking to Eeyore. Worse, it was like talking to a semi-retarded Eeyore. I know I am awful for thinking that about a real, live human being, but Jesus. I had to feed him answers because otherwise I might as well have phoned myself.

Tomorrow I’ve got three interviews lined up in very short succession. I did two today – very spread out – and it seemed to add some nice structure/diversion to my day. Tomorrow we’re also getting our brand new patio door. Goodbye mold, gross windows, etc. A new door is Step One in Our Grand Plan. Our Grand Plan is: new door, ceiling fixed (upstairs had a leak!), lounge and hall repainted, whole place recarpeted. In a nice, neutral colour – just in time for two babies to come and shit on it everywhere. Awesome!

In other news, my pee-pee is all messed up today. I left all these messages for people to call me back to set up interviews, and when the phone rings I have to get to it quick as the machine picks up after two rings. (Can’t leave it off the hook because it has a shit charge. Buying a phone is part of a plan, just not Our Grand Plan.) Anyway, the phone rang and I fucking lunged off the couch. It was like a move some flying acrobat would do….except it ended with me collapsing on the floor, screaming OH FUCK, before calmly picking up the phone and scheduling an interview.

I broke my pee-pee, dudes. Seriously. And my hips. I guess I will have to rule out pole dancing/belly dancing/etc as an extra money maker whilst I’m still pregnant.