Posts Tagged ‘pregnancy’

Happy 11 week birthday, babies.

October 27, 2009

Am rereading my blog entries from the point of egg collection onwards. (IVF talk, for those of you who joined our little programme late in the day.) It’s making me nostalgic. So some memory lane walking….courtesy of the numbers 8 and 3.

8 days past a 3 day transfer

The one where we all find out I’m knocked up!!

8 weeks 3 days pregnant

At this point I have been run over by a motorcycle and thrown up more times than the average person would do in twenty lifetimes.  I am also a crabby bitch, as evidenced by this entry.

8 months 3 days pregnant

Well, okay, this is written the day AFTER, but the pictures of my bump on here are my 32 week + 3 days pic.

You know what’s next??? 8 months 3 days old. UM. Is that possible? What will they look like, sound like, move like?


(A final sidenote: I realised whilst reading these entries that I had the goal of making TMD throw up from watching/hearing me throw up. That never happened. The best I got out of her was some serious gagging. I guess that settles it. We’ll have to have more babies.)

Rational about being irrational, take twenty-three.

January 5, 2009

I called this lovely national charity’s pregnancy and birth helpline today. I said, ‘Hello, I’m just looking for some reassurance.’ I said I’d done lots of frantic googling re: cramping and knew it was probably normal, but I just needed a human being to tell me so.

The woman laughed and said, ‘I know how you feel. It’s something perfectly normal, we all have to go through it. Cramping is normal, as is is bit of spotting.’ Thankfully I’m not spotting, but it’s nice to have gotten a pre-warning. I did let the woman know that if I saw blood I would probably have a heart attack.

Aussie said yesterday I am carrying myself like a pregnant lady. That excited me beyond all belief. I’m still expanding, though I imagine the massive amount of food I am eating – combined with living an essentially horizontal life – is a major contributing factor.

Today I did find out that if you have a scan with a visible heartbeat AND are eight weeks pregnant, the risk of miscarriage dramatically drops down to only 3%. I mean, it’s still high as far as I’m concerned, but a lot lower than earlier in pregnancy. My scan next Monday will be at seven weeks five days, which means that on Wednesday I will be the magic eight weeks. Feeling good about that.

Roll on twelve weeks, though. I’ll feel better when I’m out of the dreaded first trimester and am also not reading pregnancy books about how in the first ten weeks your embryo is all hugely at risk from environmental factors. I walked past some pot smokers today and when I could no longer hold my breath, I pulled my scarf up over my face and used it like a breathing filter. In my head I was going, ‘Don’t you KNOW who I AM? How DARE you smoke in front of me.’


After ten weeks the ’embryo’ also becomes a ‘fetus.’ It’s all BABY to me, though. TMD keeps kissing my tummy and talking to my pubis. She’s sweet. After I had the nervous breakdown when I went to the doctor last time, I was crying in department stores, and I also started to weep in a coffee shop when I couldn’t decide what I wanted.

She spirited me off home and took me to ‘TMD’s cafe’, where we sat at the table with some nibbles and a big ass glass of orange juice. There could be no better person to be doing this with. I love love love her.

Crazy is as crazy does.

January 5, 2009

Ah, dudes and dudettes, guess who I get to hang out with on Thursday morning? Dr. Dipshit. He was the ONLY doctor available in the time slot I needed. AWESOME.

On the upside, TMD and I went to tour a maternity suite/unit on Saturday. How surreal it was to be looking at delivery suites when I am only 6 weeks pregnant! I really liked the hospital. It’s not our local one, as that is a den of shitnests, but it’s still quite close.

I decided to go see a doctor (THE doctor) in person to clarify the referral, as my community midwife will have to be from my local area. Not sure how all this works.

Been having lots of cramps since yesterday evening. Virtually all morning today. On this occasion, the internet has soothed me because apparently these are very normal. I might call a pregnancy helpline in a bit just for some reassurance.

Everything feels a bit up in the air around the pregnancy – the meds I need, the appointments, the referrals. I don’t want the actual pregnancy to feel up in the air! Really still looking forward to the scan on Monday.

In the meantime, I’m trying to stay sane…or at least appear that way.

Vomitus maximus.

December 22, 2008

From 7 pm on Friday night until 2:15 am, I threw up every 20-25 minutes like clockwork.

I stopped needing to pee. When I do pee, it is very dark brown and smells like you would never ever believe. Friday was so awful I considered going to the hospital on Saturday.

Then I discovered that by eating every hour (by ‘eating’ I mean a couple of grapes, one veggie finger, or some jell-o) it is much more manageable. I cannot drink water though. It makes me so fucking sick it’s unbelievable.

Discovered non-caffinated tea doesn’t make me sick, though, so at least that’s getting some water in.

At work today. Have dry heaved twice this morning, once at my desk – probably to the horror of Green. Am registering with a local doctor tomorrow in the hopes of getting an appointment to see someone soon – although Christmas screws everything up.

Have the date of the first scan  – January 12. This is to determine if the pregnancy is viable. Due to the excessive sickness, I would hazard a guess that it is. It’s also to see how many kidlets there are.

This morning while trying not to faint in the shower, I moaned, ‘We’d better have twins now and then WE ARE DONE. I am NEVER doing this again.’

Coming a little out of the negativity and feeling more positive about the pregnancy, but really so uncomfortable and sick it’s hard not to just cry and feel sorry for myself. I hope the baby/babies won’t be put off the flavour orange forever, since it’s all I can seem to keep down.

I also cannot zip my pants even an inch. These fit just fine before the baby thing. I bought a Bella Band, a big tank top like piece of fabric that you wear down low over your unzipped trousers, saving you from having to buy a bunch of new stuff too soon.

I love that Bella Band.  That’s one good thing in all of this. And it looks cool.

And I’m pregnant! Brown pee and all.

(The smell of my pee makes TMG gag.)

Thank you again for all the comments. Haven’t been online since writing the last entry, and made me feel hugged to get into work and hear from all of you. *mwah*

Lots of stuff in response to Tatiana.

December 18, 2008

This morning wasn’t great. I can no longer brush my teeth. I got violently and repeatedly ill this morning. While I have vomited up water, most of my days thus far have been dry heaving. No longer.

This morning I puked up water, then bagel, then continued to dry heave. I think I have ripped every stomach muscle I have. The puke was so thick it rebounded and a thick string of it went all the way across my face.

I collapsed into a sobbing wreck, saying that I didn’t think I could handle this. And also, I’m terrified because it’s such early days that it can only get worse. No thought of the babies/baby this morning, just a lot of ‘poor me’ going on.

I also called my boss crying to say I had missed the first train and didn’t know what to do. I’m a lot calmer now, sitting at work. Taking very very small bites from ginger cookies every few minutes or so. It’s really convenient that I hate ginger, you know? Still, I’ll try anything.

I was flipping through my big fat pregnancy book – and all the symptoms it lists for month two are ones I had already in month one. I can’t help but think this really might be twins. It has stopped being a joke and turned more into a fear factor experience.

Of course I want to be pregnant. Don’t get me wrong.

But I feel like shit. This morning on the train I was thinking about riding that train and looking down into my baby’s goofy, smiling face and thinking all this sickness was worth it.

Had terrible back cramping in the shower this morning. Having some cramping in the front now. It never stops being spooky and somewhat scary. I had 12 hours of sleep last night, plus a nap yesterday, and could quite easily bed down on the couch again today.

It doesn’t bode well when plain, ordinary water grosses you out. And toothpaste – Jesus. Aussie said her two mom-type friends at home both had problems with brushing their teeth. Made me feel better. I don’t have any real life friends around here who have had babies.

I can’t believe my symptoms are this strong and I’m still not even at the date where I should be testing for pregnancy. (Erk. Worried about these cramps.) I should be booked in for a scan three weeks from 20 December, which is my official test date. That’s when I find out if this is a viable pregnancy, as well as how many beating hearts are in my stomach.

I wish I was rich and could stay home all day for the next two years.

Dropping off the kids at the pool.

December 12, 2008

In the interest of accurate recording, I had really wacko leg pains this morning. Like I’d done a load of exercise. I assumed it’s because I did a lot of up-and-downing of stairs last night (if you count the one step into the bus as a ‘stair’), but am now on a wonderous site that says achy legs are a symptom of pregnancy.

My boobs are still nice and veiny. Also getting more sore. Think they look big as well.

I hope this is all just not wishful thinking.

My weird need-to-puke-OR-DO-I feeling from this morning has vanished. I still have not pooped. I cannot wait to just relax on the toilet tonight, for real.

Since the egg collection, peaceful and rapid poos are a thing of the past. If I’m not willing to sit and wait, nothing is willing to come out. But prior to today and yesterday, I pooped like 2389 times a day. Yesterday only the once. Today none. I am trying to casually fart at work without breaking the silence of the room. So far, so good.

Fun fact: when I was a baby, I couldn’ t be bothered to poop. My mom says that if I was playing or something, I would stop straining almost as soon as I started. She said my asshole would be dilated and completely brown with poo, and she’d need to ‘dig it out.’

Consider today a regression? Please, let there be no digging out.

Teeth make people pretty, most of the time.

December 12, 2008

Last night was like some sort of maternal Fear Factor. I kept doing things and then thinking, ‘Fuck, why did I do that? I hope I didn’t hurt the babies!’

I don’t know what you know about pessaries. If you stick ’em up your pooper, those puppies are secure and will not come out or leak until you poop ’em out. (Incidentally, I’ve not pooped in over 24 hours. WTF.) When you stick them in the vadge department, as soon as they reach body temperature they begin to ooze out your cootch. There is no nice way to say it.

So you really want to lie down for about 30 minutes after insertion to give the meds a chance to be absorbed before you sit up and essentially piss yourself with white creamy stuff.

Last night I was doing the group with the kids. So I donned my trusty latex glove (there was no soap in the bathroom. Thank god I thought to bring a glove in case of this situation arising), shoved my bullet baby nice and high, and then promptly ushered ten screaming children into a van, where I then spent the next two hours being bumped around, herding children into their various homes, etc.

It is a big ass van/bus thing. And the door kind of sticks.

At one occasion last night, I couldn’t get it open at all. I had already thought of the fact that pulling very hard wasn’t good, but nonetheless I had to keep trying to pull open this sliding door. When I got back in the van, I had constant, very bad cramping.

Of course I freaked out.

There has been no blood. I am hoping that this happened to coincidentally be the time the embryo/embryos decided to fully implant. If I had bled last night or this morning, I would not have forgiven myself.

It’s been a relief to lie down all last night, spend my full 30 minutes making out with my pessary this morning, etc.

I also vomited into the bathroom sink last night. Brushing my teeth has always carried a slight risk of The Gag Factor, but last night I vomited in the toilet. When I tried to brush again, I couldn’t make it to the toilet (next to the sink, I hasten to add), and threw up in the sink. This morning when I leaned over to rinse after brushing – no toothbrush anywhere – I started massively gagging again.

I don’t claim this is morning sickness. I have been fighting a slight vomit feeling this morning, but really only when I think about how I threw up last night.

I hope I don’t develop an aversion to maintaining healthy teeth and gums, yo. No kid wants a mom without teeth.


December 11, 2008

Oh, god help me, I’m so insane.

Just went to an IVF due date calculator. If I have one bun in the oven, this website says the due date is the 26 August. If I have two, it’s 5 August.

And, you know, I might just be exactly three weeks 1 day pregnant today.

They won’t let me wear deodorant.

December 2, 2008

So, what happens tomorrow?

1. I stop eating at midnight tonight. I have nothing to drink after 4/5 am tomorrow morning.

2. I arrive at the clinic by 8:45 for my egg collection, scheduled at 10:30.

3. No doubt all the risks and things will be run through with me. I’ll also get a load of information for the next stage of treatment.

4. Prior to the op, I stick some pessaries up my ‘rectal passage.’ One for pain, one to prevent infection. I’m not sure how effective these will be as I will probably literally be shitting myself with nerves.

5. I get sedated! The nurse said this is not being awake, but not being asleep. Way to be specific.

6. Under ultrasound guidance, a needle is inserted into my vagina. It pierces the vaginal wall to go through to first one ovary, then the other. I suppose it will pierce each individual follicle and suck the eggs out. This takes 15-20 minutes in total.

7. I spend 1-2 hours in recovery (until I can pee normally and eat without vomiting. Nice). I find out how many mature eggs were collected. Those eggs are whisked off somewhere to be fertilised.

8. We take two taxis and a train home. I cross my fingers that my little egglings are doing well. I probably shit myself some more.

Then Thursday we get the call saying how many eggs have fertilised. I get all antsy thinking about embryos needing to go back in on Thursday – I’ll still probably be quite sore and TMD might have already gone into work. This means that we’ll make our individual ways to the clinic, which would be a bit of a bummer. I’m going to clarify with them tomorrow what time they think they’ll call, and perhaps TMD can have some flexibility about going into work.

Apparently spotting and abdominal cramping is normal after this procedure. Tampons are verboden, but I don’t like them anyway. Nor do I wear nail varnish or make up – two no-nos for the op tomorrow. Chemical type things + eggs = bad.

I am deeply grossed out about not wearing deodorant. I will definitely be bringing along my wee Nivea bottle to spray on me once we’re cleared to leave.

Nivea and hospitals. This is so reminiscent of the past summer.

In other news, we bought a de-humidifier last night and I wasn’t even tempted by my inhalers. I don’t want to take them during pregnancy, so it bodes well that last night went so well. I should actually go check on that thing. You would NOT believe how much water it’s sucked out of the air.

Being helpful on a Tuesday morning.

October 14, 2008

Up on the right there, you’ll see a link called ‘baby related books.’ This is where I’m planning to keep track of the books I read that are relevant to this topic, including little blurbs that will help jog my memory. I welcome any suggestions of stuff you feel is worth reading!

I may do a therapy books section as well, although that would have to be a ‘best of the best’ type situation because I’ve read hundreds of the things. I imagine at some point the same will be true of ttc/pregnancy/baby books.