Posts Tagged ‘pilates’

My multipronged plan of healing.

January 18, 2011

I’m going to come at this from all sides. Not like a major campaign of war, but like a gentle and persistent approach.

One –

I’ve just ordered a necklace. Nothing special to you or anyone else, a cheap, small pendant on a chain. But it is an ancient Egyptian symbol of healing and protection. Scoff if you’d like, but I see it as a tangible way I can focus on healing – a sort of daily reminder to focus my energies. And hell, if it comes with its own innate superpowers, I’ll take ’em.

When I knew we were going to do IVF, I ordered a ‘fertility necklace’ that had some fertility related gemstones, silver fertility related charms, and a tiny piece of paper with a positive spell on it. Before I put it on I made TMD (against her cynical judgment!), hold hands with me, I said the little spell and visualized myself with a swelling belly, and then baby, and I put that necklace on. It did not come off until the day I gave birth.

Two –

We’ve not had our post today, so that means that Yogalates DVD may still come or it’ll be here tomorrow. Again, core exercises. I need to strengthen them, because mine are so weak it’s crazy. TMD points out that I often say rash and grandiose things like, ‘I will do exercise every day!’ and then if I don’t, I stop. Sort of an all or nothing kind of girl. That’s got to change.

Even if i do five minutes of these exercises two or three times a week….well, quite frankly, it’s more than I am doing now.

Three –

Someone mentioned the Bowen Technique to me. I’ve been googling and having a good old nose around – turns out that one of the world experts in SPD/PGP (a specialist physiotherapist, she actually writes all the articles on SPD for the major charities who support sufferers) recommends the Bowen Technique. My mom has just offered to pay for me to have this sort of treatment, and it turns out there are three or four practitioners about a half hour away. I’m going to write up a list of questions, ring them, and see if I vibe with any of them. Also if they work on weekends, because otherwise I won’t be able to have it.

Four –

The other non SPD/PGP related thing that may help, that does require a rash and grandiose commitment: writing. I’m going to commit to writing 500 words a day, which is nothing, really. Especially as I like writing. But it does fall by the wayside because I am so tired in the evenings – and like now, it hurts to physically sit up. So I’m going to get over this current Bad Time and then get back into it. I figure it’s a nice outside interest that is actually very inside me – and a nice reminder that I am capable of great, awesome things. (We hope.)

I feel like there was a ‘five’, but these first three things are really what are sticking out to me: belief, hard work, and help from others.

(Oh yes, there is a five. More on that later. And a six – weight loss, weight loss, weight loss. But for right now, and say it with me: belief, hard work, and help from others.)

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Massive SPD/PGP update.

January 15, 2011

Haven’t written a longer entry in awhile because things have been tough. I don’t know if any of you kids remember me writing about a month or so ago about how I’d had a bad relapse that hadn’t cleared when I got my period? I’m still in it. And it seems to have escalated ten thousand fold with the approach of another period.

I’ve been finding daily life more painful and restricting, and have been dealing with the ramifications of that.

One being that I spoke to the manager of this volunteer we have. She donates 2 hours of her time every week to our family, to help me take Snort and Coconut out to a local group. The manager is an awesome woman; I really like her. She came over one day to push the babies’ pushchair to the park – through snow and ice – so we could take them swinging.

Anyway, I shared with her that waaay back when, the spinal surgeon said I needed to consult with a pelvic specialist, and that referral had never happened. She suggested I get Crazy Lady (every family in Country B has a specialist nurse assigned to them for kids aged 0-5, ours is named Crazy Lady) involved. I agreed because Crazy Lady has sped up referrals in the past.

Well, weeks went by with no phone call from Crazy Lady. Then this week there was a knock on the door and she just fucking appeared. No forewarning, no professional bothering to call and make an appointment for her, oh no. She busts in during naptime with no regard for my sleeping kids.

She comes into the flat and starts demanding to know if I am depressed. ‘Are you depressed? You’ve been doing so well and I hear things are going down.’

I say, ‘Well, yes, physically things are getting pretty awful. I just needed support getting this referral, maybe speeding things up.’

She totally brushes me off. ‘Go to the doctor for that. Now, ARE YOU DEPRESSED? Be honest!’

I’m totally bemused by this and say no, I’m not depressed. Then she says she’s coming back next week for ‘a proper chat.’ No thanks. I will write a whole entry about why I’d rather pull out my toenails than talk to this woman. But that’s an aside.

So her visit upset me epically. I didn’t like someone just turning up, making assumptions, and ignoring the areas I truly do need support in. So I left a message the next day cancelling her visit this week. I also phoned up my favourite receptionist (holla! Tracy’s in da house!) and made an appointment to see my favourite doctor on a Saturday morning in a few weeks, so TMD can have the babies while I’m in the appointment.

I guess I’ll be asking for this referral. It’s to a private specialist, but I don’t think public healthcare has an equivalent, so it should still be completely free.

Yesterday TMD had to stay home from work because I couldn’t walk. At all. Even with crutches. And codeine. I was a non-stop sobfest because the pain was so intense I just couldn’t handle it.

Today is a bit better, but probably only because I’ve spent the whole day passed out in a drug induced stupor.

So, my plans. I know I never updated anyone on the whole Christmas weight loss thing, but I’d lost 33 pounds in total by Christmas. Not all in the three months, though, of course. Because I’m sane and realise 1-2 pounds per week is the ideal, though of course I’ve been losing much slower than that. I plan to continue losing weight.

I also am borrowing a Yogalates video from a friend who is hopefully posting it today (holla! Mamacrow in da house!). I know my core muscles are key to ever recovering. I need to not get all crazy and stay realistic. For me that means not going from zero to sixty. Once I have recovered from this truly terrible dip in my physical abilities – maybe this week? – and can do a bit of movement, I plan to do small amounts of regular work on my core. Another friend is posting me paper copies of all the Pilates exercises her physio gave her for SPD/PGP.

What would I do without kind people, hey?? Knowing I have people supporting me offers me a bit of cotton wool to wrap myself in as I try to continue to recover.

I also wish there was a way to go swimming regularly. Those of you who only know me as a stay at home mum may not know I was once Super Lifeguard, The Best Swimmer On The Fucking Planet! Swimming and pilates have consistently been the two exercises recommended to me by specialists. The key to swimming is getting my fucking driving license, which again will be the subject of another entry.

Core muscles are the name of the game. Mine were destroyed by twin pregnancy – my bump went out to my knees when sitting. They were then obviously cut through when I had a c section. Core muscles are what supports the spine and pelvis. I need to strengthen them before I have a hope of regaining a normal (normal for me, not for anyone else!) life.

My mom pointed out that I’ve been sitting around, mostly, and just waiting for things to suddenly heal and be better. She’s right. I have been. I have also been scared of trying and having things not work. Classic fear of failure.

I guess at this point, 17 months postpartum, I’ve got to be realistic and understand that recovery will require more active work from me. That will require me to keep strong emotionally and mentally, as well. So I may blog more about this stuff just to keep myself on an even keel.

Everything is hopelessly tangled. I think losing (more) weight is emotionally fraught for me because I’m just about at the point where I could eggshare again. And getting thinner without having another pregnancy? Would really upset me. I need to move past this. Whether we expand our family by me getting pregnant or not, nothing is possible until I am able to move again. And Snort and Coconut deserve that, TMD deserves that, I deserve that.

This weekend is going to be all about rest and healing, so that I can physically cope with next week. I’m using the ‘opportunity’ afforded me by being unable to walk to read more about spirituality, to think, to relax and refresh.

I’m also thinking a lot about what I want life to look like, and trying to figure out why I always, always, always avoid doing the big things I need to do, why things scare me. Finding my courage is sometimes easy, sometimes hard. But follow through? I lack follow through.

Any comments welcome on any aspect of this post, though be aware I’m virtually confined to bed so don’t necessarily want anything that’s going to be upsetting. So by ‘any’ comments, just this once, I mean ‘nice and uplifting comments, suggestions, commiserations.’ Hehe.

Thanks, for reading. For being.

Thinking outloud.

June 13, 2008

Two people have commented on my abs. I so don’t have abs. I mean, I realise that somewhere everybody has them, but I don’t think mine are visible. Still, I do think my perception of my body is somewhat twisted. At any rate….

I bought something from an infomercial today. I have never done that before, and I feel a little bit like I am supposed to be a trashy housewife after all. I’ve been a secret Windsor Pilates infomercial watcher for years. In Disney World, back in Other Country, in this country. And I swear to God, all the manipulative little things they do – this is free, we’ll throw that in as well, AND we’ll knock half the price off. I was drooling by the time the thing was halfway through.

TMD and I talk about how I have lost the weight, and now I really need to tone up. I have no strength (which friends who have moved house with me can attest to), messed up joints, etc. My physiotherapist said the only way to improve my joints is to strengthen the muscles around the joints.

So, for the bargain price of £9.95, I’ve got a whole lotta Pilates coming my way. Here’s hoping it’s easy to cancel the ‘we’re gonna send you more shit every month’ thing. I’m excited about this.

Also, today is my last official day at Day Job – though of course I’ve been on annual leave all week. This means that New Job starts next Monday. I am nervous. No doubt there will be tears before bed on the Sunday evening.  Still, I’ve got my new shoes. Maybe that will make it less terrifying. I keep thinking that the fraudulent assumption that I’m a good counsellor is going to be blown wide open.

People all seem to think I’m just brilliant, and sometimes I agree with them. Most of the time, though, I just feel really, really new. Which I am, of course. Nowhere to go but up, hopefully.

Ooh – knock at the door.

Okay, was a guy delivering two sample tiles for the bathroom. One smooth, one bumpy. The next thing I know, he’s showing me all this different ways they can be affixed to the wall, different orientations, staggered, etc. Nice. Am I really a grown up?

My plans for a new bathroom would seem to suggest I am.

Still have not got the referral for surgery from my doctor. This has all got me thinking that TMD and I really need to invest in some private health insurance. My GP is the BEST doctor I have ever had – the standard of healthcare offered is the same as it would be if I was in the private health system in the country where I was born. And even she suggested that young couples invest in private insurance….and this little experience is making me think there is some deep wisdom in there.

Sure, it’s pricey, but if something really bad ever happened we wouldn’t have to wait months and months for a procedure.

Okay. Bathrooms, insurance.

I’ll go now.

Buhbye.