Posts Tagged ‘morning sickness’

A twin pregnancy in retrospect – the first two trimesters.

May 13, 2009

I can’t believe this is the last week of the second trimester. That time of worrying about IUI versus IVF, my 30th birthday party where all I did was talk about this debate, the panic and nerves of all those decisions – that seems so long ago. Did I really go to the hospital 800 times to get my blood drawn to test and retest for every disease under the sun? Did TMD and I really learn how to administer shots and somehow manage to deliver them all at home?

Is it true that I decided to donate eggs, and worried and worried about whether there would be enough eggs left for us – and that I actually had needles stuck through my vaginal walls to collect a very healthy 18 eggs? Were 8 of ours mature, and how did they ALL fertilise? Is it possible to be that lucky?

And then we waited to go back in, three days later, and meet our embryos. Did a man come in with drawings of them all, telling us each embryo’s individual grade and cell count? Did we have two ‘perfect’ embryos put back in, and did we dare to believe the nurse who told us that embryos of that grade and quality usually result in a positive pregnancy test?

And what about all those signs hanging everywhere saying that 1 in 4 IVF births results in multiple pregnancy? And the risk form I signed stating that the only risk of the embryo transfer was, indeed, a multiple pregnancy? Did we really believe we would have twins? How were were so optimistic?

How were we RIGHT?

week 3 – eggs collected, embryos transferred

week 4 – positive pregnancy test, and extreme vomit sports begin. During this time, I was vomiting every twenty minutes for about three days.

week 5 (?) – first disappointing trip to doctor. Toured our hospital’s maternity/delivery unit.

week 6 – knocked down while crossing the road and rushed to hospital. Signed off work for four weeks, and missed a fifth week due to heavy snowfall and transport problems. I still feel guilty about the amount of painkillers the babies were exposed to, not to mention the stress hormones. Being told I might need an amputation, and THE IMMENSE PAIN.  But they both survived, and we found out in week 6 (at the ER) that it was twins.

week 7 – detailed scan at the IVF clinic confirmed it was twins. Also showed two sacs that were within normal bounds, but one much bigger than the other. Told there was a 50% chance one sac would disappear by twelve weeks.

week 9 – return to work. Vomit everywhere all the time. Still can’t eat anything, and have lost weight. Felt babies move for the first time!!!!

week 10 – freak out about the fact that the hospital has not offered us a booking appointment or any antenatal stuff.

week 13 – dating scan. Babies are far ahead of what the clinic said their gestation was. And exactly one day ahead of what REALITY says they are (we know exactly when conception occured. Dec. 3.). Returned later in this week for nuchal scan.

week 14 – booking appointment. Heard the babies’ heartbeats for the first time. Bought our own doppler at some point after this! Weird hip pains begin.

week 16 – first official midwife’s appointment. Told I might have SPD. Also this is the week I FINALLY stopped vomiting.

week 19 – made doctor’s apppointment for horrific hip pain, but then was so relieved to have it as this is when the fabled vaginal stabbing pain happened. Signed off work.

week 20 – find out that Mano is a boy, Torre might be a girl, and both babies are healthy and developing right on track.

week 22 (?) – officially diagnosed with SPD. Tried to come to terms with not returning to work for the duration of the pregnancy. Getting impatient for TMD to be able to feel the babies move. Go manic and buy a shitload of baby supplies.

week 23 – I see my belly move from the outside. TMD can now feel kicks from the outside!  Also admitted to hospital with what turns out to be ligament pain.

week 24 – another scan, another opportunity to be thankful that both babies are still right on track – in fact Mano is a tad bigger than his dates (remembering that his dates are already a day early). Find out Torre probably IS a girl!!

This is all from memory, and I know I am missing a lot. Like four pregnancy tests, bathtub vomit, the early obsessing over my bump (was showing VERY early in pregnancy), being able to feel their little heads from the outside (miracle!), how cool it was to hear all the kicking at the hospital, orange jello, the pleasure I take from my bump, the poems TMD recites to the babies that makes them jump around like crazy little acrobats.

And now I’m 25 weeks pregnant.

How did this happen? Is it real? Are there actual babies inside me? Are TMD and I really making wills, shopping for cotbeds, talking about breastfeeding?

I am so filled with gratitude for every day of this pregnancy.

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I look like summer today.

March 20, 2009

Broke my non-vomit streak on Wednesday. Essentially, I’ve been thinking of part of TMD’s birthday gift for awhile now. I am crap with getting her birthday things, though she insists I always do. Well, I ordered it Wednesday and was feeling very proud of myself.

That evening she asked me point blank to buy her the thing I had just ordered that day. The next thing I know, I am sobbing – calling her a Present Ruiner, no less – and then bam. I vomited up the nutritious, delicious, and LARGE dinner we’d just eaten.

I felt like some kind of huge failure. Five full days with no food/acid bath for my teeth, and then I threw up like a fucking champion. Completely filled one bowl and had to negotiate a switch to an empty one partway through.

Still. I am now on Day 2 of a new vomit-free streak. And I just ordered her something else she will never, ever expect – I hope it arrives okay. I am back into being the Birthday Fairy, big time.

GIRL. (Also: no hallumi flair exists. Am I spelling it right?)

March 14, 2009

Back cramps: ouch.  Had ’em for just over a week now. Is this normal?

In other news, I feel human. I ate like a fucking racehorse yesterday, stayed out with friends till after 10 pm (a feat even pre-pregnancy), and woke up this morning ravenous. I am afraid to be too human and healthy, but I had two days this week with NO vomiting. One of those was yesterday – and I admit to heavy nausea throughout the day, but still.

I had a gorgeous hallumi, lettuce, and tomato GIANT sandwich for dinner alongside a portion of chips. This is the biggest meal I have eaten in four months. FOUR FUCKING MONTHS! Prior to pregnancy, I could have eaten this like three time over.

Hurrah?

I also feel mildly energetic. Convinient as TMD is near incapacitated with cramps, but then I figure she feels so bad because I feel so good. Our relationship has always been that way. One of us is always around to be strong when the other needs it.

I am afraid to say it, but I am feeling cautiously optimistic! (Could I hedge my bets any  more?)

We also just threw away my Cyclogest (progesterone). This IS progress.

(My mother said, ‘See, everyone told you this would happen after four months. Everything gets better.’ My midwife says, ‘I think getting sick once a day is as good as it is going to get for you. This’ll probably last the whole time now, as it’s twins.’ Both are right, as while ongoing vomit is sad – ongoing LIMITED vomit is happy.)

FLAIR RULES.

All the women in my family piss themselves.

March 10, 2009

I am so excited to only be vomiting once a day that I forget that during normal pregnancies, many women barely vomit at all.

The other day while vomiting (sat on the edge of the bed), I peed a little bit. TMD demanded I go to the toilet. She walked backwards, holding the half full vomit bowl, while I leaned over it and clutched at my stomach while heaving. I then promptly emptied my entire bladder down my legs while still standing in the hallway.

My mother admonishes me to do my pee-pee exercises, and perhaps she is right.

Crank it up to the next level, boyz. And LOOK at my giant bump. Perhaps this weekend will bring prictures for you lucky people.

February 26, 2009

Woah. Lots of hip pain responses. That’s what we like to see – other ladies in discomfort. It’s like pregnancy porn for sickos. (I exclude myself from the sicko category in this instance, however.)

I could write you another numbered list of even more things that have happened. All of it is overshadowed by the ongoing sickness. The new pattern seems to be by midweek I am vomiting loads, fatigued, get migraines, have a nasty resurgence of my cold, and call in sick. I had a little crying jag to my boss’ boss today. Tomorrow is the first proper antenatal appointment, although even that is just a booking appointment (which should have happened at least a month ago, but who’s counting? Oh yeah, ME). My boss’ boss seems to think I am going to be signed off from work.

I don’t know. Either way, I have to cut my hours way down because my body – and therefore mind – is clearly not coping with working full time and being a twincubator full time.

Those little babies are kicking like wild donkeys on speed, and I just want to focus on them and not on how miserable I feel. I called across the world (eight time zones) to speak to my sister at 1 am her time, and I just sobbed out, ‘I just needed to hear the voice of someone who loves me.’

Whine whine, moan moan. At least the pregnancy is ‘out’ on Facebook, so it’s nice to be getting supportive and copious comments on there.

Had a scan on Monday and Baby M headbutted Baby T so, so, so hard that Baby T’s entire body rippled from the impact. I will tell you their ‘names’ in a later post, because I only just vomited into a tissue box and think it’s time to sleep. After all, I have to wake up super early and try to piss in a urine specimen pot that is about as wide as a pencil.

AWESOME.

First scan, first good day, hippy hippy shake/pain.

February 22, 2009

Yesterday was by far the nicest day I/we have had since becoming pregnant. We just spent the whole day together, relaxing and wandering around town, having lunch in ‘our’ place, holding hands in the fragile spring sunshine. Of course, the anti-nausea meds helped! I crammed more food down my throat than it is probably possible to imagine.

The whole weight gain/weight loss thing is interesting. I have spent my whole life effortlessly gaining weight. Now when I actually want and need to do so, it’s so fucking hard. So far, in my thirteen and a half weeks of pregnancy, I’ve lost 2 pounds. Yesterday had me feeling so good I decided to try without meds today, and had spaghetti for breakfast. And lunch. A few hours later I was throwing up into a wrinkled plastic bag on my lap, screaming at TMD to pull over into a quiet residential road.

I then gulped down a pill, a McDonald’s hot apple pie, and a chocolate shake. Niiiiiiiiice.

Tomorrow I have another scan and I still haven’t written about last week’s. In my old diary, tying my shoelaces in a new and funky way would have resulted in a plethora of photos. Now I just seem too tired, or like I have other things to do (like…..get sick?). I just now whipped out the scan pics again (two of each baby, and one of both babies together) and was suddenly surprised to see a baby’s face spring into focus – eye indentation, nose, mouth. A real live person’s profile. Times two.

The scan was incredible. I think TMD loved it more than I did, but I loved it a whole lot. It was a funny feeling, the lady shoving the ultrasound thing very firmly against me in all different places. The babies are sort of stacked on top of each other, like a high rise apartment building. This scan was EXACTLY like a dream I had before I even knew it was twins. Don’t think I wrote about that dream here yet, so will not wax lyrical.

But we saw both heartbeats – a zillion times huger than at seven weeks. Twin 2, as he/she is so romantically called in hospital terms (the baby in the penthouse) was in a funny little position when she was trying to measure top-to-tail (or something), so she went down to the other baby. When she went back, Twin 2 was in good position. And then just as she snapped a picture, we saw a hand move. We all sort of let out this breath of ‘Ohhhhh!’ and when the picture was done, we saw the whole baby wriggle and stretch. That shit is magic, people, let me tell you.

Twin 1 didn’t move the whole time, but it was interesting as the place she was pushing to see that baby was right where I’ve felt all the movement. I said so and she seemed surprised I’ve felt them. (And I’ve felt them since. Sometimes both at the same time!)

Our scan was last Tuesday, and both babies were dated at exactly 13 weeks (due date: August 25). This is one day ahead of the internet, and FOUR days ahead of our IVF clinic. They are both doing perfectly for this stage in the pregnancy.

Tomorrow is a screening scan. I am looking at it as an opportunity to see those kiddies again, as well as to have my mind put at rest. It’ll be just me making my way from one city to another (say it with me: over an hour on a train, then a taxi ride) and will probably have me fighting tears at some point. My hormones seem MILDLY less crazed, but that could be because it’s the weekend. I did just sob uncontrollably at the end of High School Musical 3, which I record in the interest of accuracy.

Feeling very tired and – according to TMD – looking very pregnant. At some point you’ll all see my belly. For now, imagine a very very hard stomach full of sandbags. It’s becoming a killer on my left hip to sleep on my left side. How can I fix this? I need all the moms and mums out there to offer advice!!

(I made a new header in honour of our kidlets. What do you think?)

Rapid fire.

February 20, 2009

So much has happened and I’ve either been too busy or too ill to get to a computer. Hopefully will muster some motivation this weekend to write about the scan, as I want to remember it!

The breakdown: Tuesday morning had a nervous breakdown because the midwives called to say they couldn’t see me after the scan. A range of crazy phone calls ensued, and I just sobbed (as per my usual, lately).

Had the scan – still two babies in there. One (Baby B) moved during the scan and that was incredible. Both babies are baby-shaped now, which is very science fictiony and inspiring. Was offered a screening scan on this upcoming Monday (had to see the midwives to sort it – HA, try to deny me an appointment) and it threw up all sorts of issues for TMD and me. More on that later.

Was talk about admitting me to hospital for dehydration. Had emergency appointment with a different doctor (thank GOD), and was given some medication to prevent vomiting. It appears to function mainly as a laxative, as far as I can see. Still, have not vomited ONCE since I started taking them (yesterday). Having some nausea on and off, which is disappointing, but the no vomit thing makes up for it.

Had physio today. Booked in for more next Friday afternoon. I think this means I won’t really be able to come in to work at all next Friday, as I’m seeing my consultant and midwife for the first time that morning – and it’s a super-long appointment (finally).

Wednesday was massively sick at work, culminating in me being unable to stop crying as I locked myself into a consulting room at work. Didn’t go in yesterday as spent all Wednesday evening vomiting, and woke up yesterday with my first ever migraine. Everyone I have spoken to has a theory about what causes migraines.

Back at work today. Totally tired out and ready for the weekend. I miss TMD and feel like I never see her, except for these short and sweet glimpses in the mornings. Keep telling people I no longer feel like I can work. That’s a whole other story.

Okay. More later.

Oh! Hopefully this weekend we will also get the scan pictures put on CD or something so you can all see our baby-shaped babies.

Comparisons.

February 16, 2009

Last Friday:

1. I threw up beans out of my nose.
2. I was really tired from working the whole week.

Today:

1. I threw up beans out of my nose.
2. I am really tired from thinking about working this whole week.

Summary:

Every time I inhale I can smell baked beans and cheese. This disturbs me.

H-o-r-m-o-n-e-s.

February 13, 2009

WordPress fucked everything up, deleting half the post about Tatiana’s baby. When I tried to update it, it moved it so it was at the top of my blog page.

I needed to clarify that while that post makes me look happy (and I still am, for her) it is OUT OF ORDER and I am still on the verge of sobbing like some sort of crazed lunatic.

Am I a creepy stalker?

February 13, 2009

ohmygod. She had her baby. Go see!

I had to speed walk to the bathroom at work so I could tear up in private. Not only has a terrific mother and daughter been born, but FUCK. This is proof that pregnancy leads to babies!

I looked at my sideways profile, touched my bump, and promptly had some chest pains which pretty much eliminated my need to sob on Tatiana’s behalf.

I haven’t felt the niblets much today. Apparently they are the size of apples. Maia (Tatiana’s baby) looks like a BIG baby hulk in comparison. Imagine an apple that big.

(I have an apple I want to eat because the potatoes are likely to be icky, but I threw up an apple last night at it looked like worms, so I am afraid. My brain is working hard to make everything gross. I coughed up some chewed muffin a minute ago and instantly thought it looked like a maggot. Fuck you, brain!)

…There was a lot more to this entry and it was all erased. But I know I said that I was so happy for Tatiana and her family. It’s very, very rare I find bloggers I think I would like in person, and she is one of them.

I may now go look at that gorgeous picture of her and Maia again, though my attention is always drawn to the blood on her hand. Ha. And the cute baby hat.  And then back to that delicious looking baby.