Posts Tagged ‘mood swings’

one, two, three, four, come on baby, say you love me. five, six, seven ti-imes.

June 14, 2009

one

Not last night but the night before (ten thousand pirates came knockin’ at my door) I was sitting on the toilet in a rage. No, not at poop this time. I don’t know what did it, but we were sniping at each other and I swear on all that is holy (Mexican food, blank journals, the smell of rain) that TMD went ‘meh meh meh’ in the other room. You know, like a child goes ‘nah nah nah nah naaaaaaaaaaaah nah.’

I went apeshit. I was crying, and TMD came into the bathroom trying to comfort me. I screamed at her to stay the hell away from me, as I would punch her. She didn’t take me seriously and kept advancing. I held my hand palm out and growled, ‘Seriously. Back the fuck away from me. How DARE you “meh meh meh” me.’

I collapsed into another pile of sobs. When she came closer, I swatted at her with the ten page baby ‘magazine’ I was holding (more of a glorified leaflet). I hit her two times on the side with this piece of paper, before breaking into hysterical crying.

A small part of me knew this was colossally insane and pointless, and perhaps laughable. A larger part of me wanted to squash her like a fly. This was my first true bout with anger this pregnancy, as opposed to just crying and feeling sorry for myself on occasion.

Hormones rock.

two

Last night I was itching like a fucking maniac everywhere. Not just my painfully thin bump skin, but backs of legs, under boobs, head, front of legs, feet, arms, lower back, ass, eyeballs. Everywhere. I couldn’t stop itching (and crying and yelling, alternatively). TMD was quite worried and said I should get ‘that enzyme test.’ Because apparently when you’re pregnant, it’s normal to have an itchy bump. But itching elsewhere? Can be a sign of an enzyme problem that is easily correctable but needs to be diagnosed by a blood test. Think it has relatively serious consequences if not treated, but couldn’t swear to that.

Much less itchy this morning, thank fuck.

You know what I think it is? Suffocation. My skin wants, needs, air. That belly bra, while superb, is sort of like wearing a swimsuit under your clothes all the time. (Thanks to TMD for that particularly asphixiated image.) And if I’m not wearing that, at night I have a belly band on….though have stopped doing this as feel all buttoned up and Victorian.

Was also thinking about my vagina. On December 3, 2008 I had egg collection – from that point, for over three months, I had to take pessaries. These are messy and dribbly, and you’d better believe I wore knickers and pantyliners the whole time. I don’t know if there was a brief interlude of being underpantless after that, but I suspect not as by then the whole pissing myself everytime I moved would have kicked in. Or at least the nice white discharge that pregnancy brings (an interesting smell, but I suppose you don’t need to know that).

So my vagina’s last happy month was last November. That is a long time for round-the-clock cootchie covering, let me tell you. Also my new giant fat lady underwear means half my stomach is covered all the time, whether I wear belly bras or not…fuck, I’m getting itchy just thinking about this.

My arms generally don’t itch – and I wear tank tops every day. Surprise, surprise. Last night I also pulled my underwear down and the tank top up, allowing The Bump to have full access to the arctic gale the fan creates. (Arctic to TMD, a hot gentle breeze to me).

I think I am just ‘the most’ at bedtime. The most uncomfortable, the most sensitive to every crinkle in the sheets/pillows, the most frustrated, the most tearful, the most sure I will never sleep again. The most tired, in other words. Because we all know I am also THE MOST pregnant.

I am getting uncomfortable now. Like big ass pregnant lady uncomfortable, not to be mixed up with the other various ‘discomforts’ I experience. Me a big, biiiiiiiiiig girl.

Want to post pics I took yesterday, but am terrified of various viruses this computer has getting onto my memory card. Stay tuned.

three

In the theme of triplets, had lotsa movement in all four corners of the bump/globe yesterday. TMD pointed out that the babies are very big now, so that could explain it.

If there was a bump decorating contest, I would quite like a very realistic portion of the globe to be painted on mine. Wouldn’t that be awesome?

No flair exist in the following categories: hormones, mood swing, mood swings, PMS. Why the fuck not?? Oh, wait, it’s me. No flair will come up for any of my searches. This is Facebook saying MEH MEH MEH to me, isn’t it.

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Rapid fire.

February 20, 2009

So much has happened and I’ve either been too busy or too ill to get to a computer. Hopefully will muster some motivation this weekend to write about the scan, as I want to remember it!

The breakdown: Tuesday morning had a nervous breakdown because the midwives called to say they couldn’t see me after the scan. A range of crazy phone calls ensued, and I just sobbed (as per my usual, lately).

Had the scan – still two babies in there. One (Baby B) moved during the scan and that was incredible. Both babies are baby-shaped now, which is very science fictiony and inspiring. Was offered a screening scan on this upcoming Monday (had to see the midwives to sort it – HA, try to deny me an appointment) and it threw up all sorts of issues for TMD and me. More on that later.

Was talk about admitting me to hospital for dehydration. Had emergency appointment with a different doctor (thank GOD), and was given some medication to prevent vomiting. It appears to function mainly as a laxative, as far as I can see. Still, have not vomited ONCE since I started taking them (yesterday). Having some nausea on and off, which is disappointing, but the no vomit thing makes up for it.

Had physio today. Booked in for more next Friday afternoon. I think this means I won’t really be able to come in to work at all next Friday, as I’m seeing my consultant and midwife for the first time that morning – and it’s a super-long appointment (finally).

Wednesday was massively sick at work, culminating in me being unable to stop crying as I locked myself into a consulting room at work. Didn’t go in yesterday as spent all Wednesday evening vomiting, and woke up yesterday with my first ever migraine. Everyone I have spoken to has a theory about what causes migraines.

Back at work today. Totally tired out and ready for the weekend. I miss TMD and feel like I never see her, except for these short and sweet glimpses in the mornings. Keep telling people I no longer feel like I can work. That’s a whole other story.

Okay. More later.

Oh! Hopefully this weekend we will also get the scan pictures put on CD or something so you can all see our baby-shaped babies.

Pregnancy suits me, clearly.

February 13, 2009

I am sick, sick, sick of getting sick. This morning was a nice extended ten minute period of yacking up peppermint tea – a tea that is meant to settle your stomach, mind.

TMD reminded me this morning that tomorrow when I am officially twelve weeks pregnant we begin the weaning off of the progesterone. She actually said the medication was ‘all bullshit’ and that I should just stop taking it now. The memory of the nurse saying that stopping progesterone suddenly can cause a bleed is very fresh in my mind, though. I can’t decide if tomorrow is the official weaning start date, or the last official day of being fully dosed. Again, TMD is clearly frustrated by a medication she thinks is responsible for this lingering illness – and is gunning for me to finish ASAP.

In other news, liquid on anything but a completely full stomach makes me fucking violently ill. My pee is still a very dark yellow. If I had some fluids and an IV at home, I might just hook myself up for the weekend. Yesterday I drank more than I have in months (the amount probably required for non-pregnant people to survive for two hours) – and felt the need to pee twice. As someone who now only goes to the bathroom out of habit and not necessity, this felt like a blessing.

I am tired tired tired. Could easily weep.

Tired.

Tatiana is probably having her wee baby right now. I am selfishly sad because no doubt her blogging will slightly be cut back (or WILL it? She was blogging through early labour! She is more hardcore than I am.), but also really, really happy for her and her husband. Rarely do I meet bloggers that I actually think I would like in real life, but she is one of them. Go, Tatiana! Push that baby out!

I’m rambling now to stop me from keeling over. I have been shoving food in my mouth all day and am starting to think other people just think I am gaining Santa-weight (you know, the tummy). Regardless, I am going to eat some cold new potatoes soon. If I can bear it. I stopped myself from getting sick at lunchtime by sheer force of will, a desperate mental chanting, ‘You just ate all those beans, and you KNOW you are not getting enough protein. Keep them down, keep them down, keep them down.’

Last night I got so sick in the car park of the train station that TMD’s head almost exploded. This morning I felt I couldn’t survive the catastrophe of my deoderant breaking off in mid-swipe.

Yowsa.

All things aside, I look pretty though. Pretty and pregnant. And today is the first day I have left the house without crutches.

Pretty.

Everything makes me angry, and I feel mean.

February 8, 2009

Corporate T came over yesterday for the weekend. In his honour, I changed out of the outfit I’d been wearing for five weeks straight (one pair of pajamas or another) and put on A Tight Shirt. My stomach looked like some sort of …of…I don’t know. He asked to touch it, which to me means that it looks…um…

We took pictures I will post at some point. I don’t totally believe those pictures because they make me look VERY pregnant, but there you go. Having lots of twinges, feeling slightly awkward, keep touching my stomach. I don’t know. It just appears to have appeared out of fucking nowhere.

I am a quarter of an inch bigger than I was two nights ago, which is also .75 of an inch bigger than I was a week ago. Let the expansion begin.

(Have lost two more pounds though!! Everyone pray/whatever I start gaining soon.)

Poor Corporate T – after a week or so of constantly placing a high second place in the quiz show, I spent the entire weekend gagging, retching, vomiting, complaining of nausea, etc. This morning I also pitched a fit where I almost killed TMD (and might have had there been no witnesses), culminating in about two hours of non-stop weeping. It was attractive, I’m sure.

Just like my teeth that were never brushed today because I threw up this morning when I tried.

Symptoms this week: crazy moods, feeling MEAN, very sore lower back,  tired, cramps in lower back and abdomen, horrid pulled muscles/ligaments/something along both sides of my womby-womb-womb, twinges, baby movements, and one particularly interesting thing tonight that felt like I was having a VERY strong electric current pass through my womb for about half a second. And let’s not forget the vomiting. And belly growing.

Last night I freaked out because my big blue veins disappeared (I noticed when I attempted to show Corporate T my thighs), but he explained about how that happens when you are cold. He was right. Two hours later and they came back.

In other news, it’s snowing again. Assuming I manage to make it into work tomorrow, I have to decide whether or not to take crutches, and whether or not to empasize my new look. It’s been five weeks since they’ve seen me, so there is an opportunity for a dramatic scene. Still, I’m only 11 weeks and they might wonder why I look like I have swallowed a six pound bowling ball.

Part of me wonders if this is all because my stomach muscles have finally given up, rejoicing in being able to totally pooch out with no fear of repercussions. That would only emphasize my definite bump, turning it from a molehill to a mountain.