Posts Tagged ‘maternity clothes’

Twincubating away.

February 11, 2009

Went to headquarters today for a company-wide training, so I thought I had better try to disguise my stomach as the pregnancy is still Top Secret. With this in mind, I pulled out a maternity top Sil had given me, thinking it would be very roomy and a no-show as far as The Bump was concerned. This would have been something she wore at the end of her second trimester/third trimester.

I pulled it on and it was SKINTIGHT. If anything, it made me look ‘bumpier’ than ever because of the empire waistline. TMD almost shat herself while stroking my stomach and murmuring about how pregnant I was. I pulled it off and substituted it with a top from the weeks before Sil was due. This hid the bump. Mostly.

I cannot believe I am in the first trimester (for three more days) and am this bumpiliscious. I have read that twin tummies look the same as singleton tummies – but at about six weeks earlier. The size of me now does not bode well for the size I will become. Jesus, I’ll be like an oil tanker or something.

(Are oil tankers big? I assume so.)

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Lucky number ten.

January 26, 2009

1. Still off work. This marks the start of week #4. I will be back at work by next Monday at the latest, so help me God.

2. Went to our niece’s Christening yesterday. I assume you capitalise things when they involve renouncing Satan? Anyway, we sat at the very back of the cathedral so I could eat the entire service – and also run outside to puke on their multi-million pound/dollar/whatever lawn if needed. We sat across the aisle from Bil and Sil’s Jewish neighbors, who also spent the whole time feeding their son. TMD and I couldn’t decide if we were the heathen section or the picnic section; in fact, perhaps the two are not mutually exclusive.

3. Bil has told all of his friends we are pregnant with twins, even though we said SHH TOP SECRET to him. They were all loudly congratulating us in front of TMD’s family. This was a little awkward, but we escaped discovery.

4. I’ve not heard from the hospital yet regarding the booking in appointment or the twelve week scan. Going to call them tomorrow. I have a phobia about checking voicemail AND about making phone calls, it would appear. Called Dr. Shitface today to extend my sickĀ  note and get a referral to physiotherapy, and was beyond relieved to hear he couldn’t call back until tomorrow – despite the fact that the referral should have been made eons ago.

5. My leg is wacked. I did a ‘lot’ of ‘walking’ yesterday at the Christening. (Christ claims you for his own!) Translated this means relying heavily on the crutches to walk about three minutes. This exertion has left my leg semi-dead and very stiff.

6. Sil gave me lots of maternity clothes. Yipee! Including a nice pair of jeans that I will have to start wearing now, as in about three weeks time (if that) I reckon they won’t fit anymore.

7. I have finally managed to weigh myself. I was curious to do this because my body is turning into a flobby (the perfect word) garbly mess. Turns out I’ve not gained weight. I’ve not stayed the same. No, folks, I’ve LOST weight from all the upchucking. Nice.

8. I watched a tv show about IVF this morning and just kept crying. Throughout the whole pregnancy thing I have been wondering why I do not feel more special, or pregnant, or mom-ish. My reaction to the IVF programme obviously indicates there is a lot going on under the surface, even if I appear to be disbelieving that there are babies in my stomach. My nipples, vomit, and poochy tummy provide proof things are happening (a disco party? hair braiding? basketball games?) and I STILL DON’T BELIEVE IT. I don’t know if this is normal or what.

9. Nine weeks two days pregnant today.