Posts Tagged ‘joy’

30-365 THREE

June 21, 2013

The only thing I thought tonight’s walk would have going for it was that I was wearing sandals, shorts, and a sweatshirt. Such a summer’s evening outfit, I thought, even as I stifled a yawn and cursed having to leave the house. I planned on an amble, taking it easy as I’m sore from yesterday.

Well, I didn’t count on the storm system that was blowing in. The wind was cold and fierce, and at one point I realised I was leaning into it and it was holding me. I went along to the woods/meadow I walked in the first night, hoping for shelter, and you know what? It was AWESOME. The wind was whipping the leaves of all the trees upside down, so they looked all silvery. The grasses in the meadow were rippling violently and it was just beautiful. That wind blew a smile onto my face, and I swear I opened my arms up and just smiled so wide I thought my face would crack in half.

On the way home, the wind dropped and I actually felt disappointed. In the stillness I noticed how achey my legs were – it would be a lie to say they weren’t – but then I realised I was thinking about my legs. Muscle aches. I didn’t even notice my pelvis. And that was the greatest gift the absent wind gave me. I felt like the old me, the ‘normal’ me, who was feeling the same aches and pains any other able bodied person might feel.

You’d better believe I smiled even bigger then, and the wind kicked up again just as I did. It was perfect.

30 minutes, 3.2 mph, 1.64 miles


Chicken pox is my beer.

May 20, 2013

Yes, you read that right. Chicken pox is my beer. It makes me lose my inhibitions and live an awesome life.

We are naked in the front garden, running around in wild circles, waving at neighbours, making a nest for our Angry Birds. We are dancing unabashedly to the Moto Moto song, singing along that we like them big and chunky.

We are running up to the bath, empty two litre bottles (from my new sparkling water addiction, as I have not had Diet Coke in months now. Sob.) in hand, and that bathroom echoes laughter and science and splashes. Pouring into big bottles, hitting them on the sides to make water erupt upwards, working together to hang out, music pumping in the air.

We are on a pirate ship, Snort’s new-to-him bed, looking at maps and searching for treasure. We are wearing our pajamas to the drive thru, just to get out of the house and get a treat.

It’s silly, really. There is no reason every day cannot be like four days of holiday time. We have no school, no work, and no obligations that can’t be skipped. But for me, I think the chicken pox gives me a permission slip to just live like we want, with none of my guilt attached. It is a glorious reminder of all that unschooling/autonomous education/life can be, if only I relax and just let go now and then. When we follow the sun, when our days stretch before us with nowhere to go but here, we find new and exhilarating ways to fill the time.

We cut straws and stick the pieces in playdoh to make Angry Birds. We read books and nap in the afternoon to the soundtrack of Phineas and Ferb. We sit in the garden and look at ants, we call people up just to say hello, we trace out the spots on his body  like he’s a dalmatian or the night sky, covered in a thousand stars.

This first round of chicken pox brought joy and peace to my life.

You’d never know he was ill. Snort was his normal self, just covered in spots. Two nights were hell on earth, but the rest of the time was a welcome break from what has increasingly become an overflowing schedule. Now we are in limbo, waiting for the second outbreak of The Pox to hit our house. I don’t think it will be as relaxed or illness-free, somehow, mainly because Coconut is a very itchy child in general.

But I will not forget the lessons I’ve relearned from this first bout.

This week will be a reminder that we don’t HAVE to do anything. We CHOOSE to do things.

I’ve felt so overwhelmed by the amount of invitations to various playdates lately that I’ve literally stopped responding to texts and messages. I will get back to them all, but never did I imagine a life where we would have more social commitments than all those ‘socialised’ school children. 😉 My friends remind me I am a part of this family, of this journey, and if it is too much for me, then I deserve a say. I am grateful for all the people we know, all the choices of activities we have. I never thought it would happen like this, so quickly, and I am delighted and surprised by it.

But I am also grateful for last week, for that one hiatus where no one expected to see us, where we had nothing but time and everything to do with it.

Water car crashes take two, friends, and DIY plaster cast fixes.

November 13, 2012

My Facebook profile was the source of very funny and detailed discussions regarding the whole car crashing into the water thing. In addition to the handful of people who knew where I was coming from, including a friend who actually refuses to drive over water without opening a window, there was more than a few who took the absolute piss out of me.

Especially when someone else said we might as well drive wearing life jackets, when I raised the non-swimming children issue. Another person suggested just always driving with the windows all down, since those life jackets would keep us warm. The same friend mocked a picture of me sat in our parked car yesterday, telling me to watch out for water…because you never know.

She is right. You DON’T ever know.


In other news, coconut’s cast seems to be slowly unravelling. It’s gone softer and softer, and the edge of the hard plaster bandage part is coming off. I used a glue stick to attempt to stick it back on. Wasn’t very successful. I guess my Dr Google medical training is defunct because it didn’t tell me to keep medical grade plaster of Paris in the house at all times.

Regardless, her unravelling cast, her, Snort, and I had a lovely morning at a local city farm with the little girl Coconut classes as her best friend. Lots of autumnal leaf throwing, delicious cafe food (for the grown ups, anyway. The kids were only interested in chips/fries.), and a nice walk. Sunday we are meeting another new friend in a place I’ve been wanting to go since we moved here. She described it as a sort of outdoor utopia. Let’s hope the weather is nice.

I was thinking this morning about building my own tribe. I am steadily meeting more and more people I really like. We are getting out and about a lot. Broken arms and snotty noses aside, things are good.

I wrote half before he pooped, and half after. This equals a disjointed entry.

October 15, 2010

I think there’s not a single soul in the world who doesn’t know about the fact that one of my children pooped on my vagina yesterday. If you don’t know it, please read the previous entry. You won’t regret it. Well, maybe you will if you don’t like poop talk – but if you don’t like that, then why are you reading my blog?

The afternoon was rounded off nicely by another shit explosion. I didn’t realise until both kids were sitting at the table and I was bringing dinner out that, uh, ‘Batgirl’ had shat through her nappy, vest, trousers, and a coating of slimey poo was on her chair. Also that Snort crapped two seconds later, and….well, you know, he also sliced his chin open while falling. And she sliced her forehead open AND managed to hit herself on a wooden toy right on her eyebrow line, so her eyebrow appeared to be bright red and jutting out from her face in a monstrous sort of way.

Just a typical day.

But you know what ELSE happened? Coconut said ‘bye bye’!!!

Aside from ‘Mama,’ which she has been saying meaningfully for months now, it’s the only word she has said repeated times (that we understand, anyway, she is really taken saying ‘ba’, whatever the hell that is.) and obviously understands.

She said ‘bye bye’ and then waved her hand. I ran into the room. I said I was leaving, said bye bye, and her little voice rang out clear as a bell.

‘Bye bye!’ More waving.

I made her say it for the camera this morning, which was tricky as nothing was actually going bye bye, but she obviously decided to just humour me. I’ll maybe post that here. Because I know you are literally hanging on my kids’ every word, no?


Oh, the other thing that happened yesterday?

Snort woke up about 1:30 am in order to puke. According to TMD, he puked just like the lady in Little Britain, if you get that reference. If not, he puked like a scene from the Exorcist. We’re talking all over himself, all over TMD (who, sadly, was not naked – wouldn’t that have bookended the day nicely?), all over TMD’s bed, blankets, and the floor.

Apparently there is a gastrointestinal thing going around. Apparently my kids have it. Nice to think that while one is getting sick out the bottom, the other is getting sick out the top. It makes things lively.

Someone suggested I just sit them in an empty plastic paddling pool. Not a bad idea, not bad at all.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to try to make Snort walk or talk. I can’t believe Coconut has started walking this week, and getting more confident every day, and now she’s learned a new word!

Snort is catching on to all her party tricks, like holding things to his ear like a phone when I say, ‘Hello!’ Coco has started responding by saying ‘hello’ the way Scooby Doo might, so we don’t count it as a word.

All y’all who think your kid is all mega advanced and saying ‘dada,’ oh, the youthful naivety. Our kids both ‘said’ dada around 4 months maybe? Snort even progressed to ‘dad’ quite nicely. As our Health Visitor said, most babies begin babbling by saying ‘dada’, and our house was proof that it was meaningless babble!! She said she lets people keep their illusions, though.

I think we have swung the other way. Your words don’t count till you demonstrate clear understanding, excellent pronunciation, can spell them backwards, etc.  It helps if they can also fingerspell them in sign language and paint them on the walls in their own snot.

We have standards, people.

It’s funny. I think Snort beat Coconut to every major milestone by a few days (or weeks, in the case of crawling!), but in walking and talking she has reclaimed her own. I’m not too surprised. She’s wanted to be upright since she was tiny, and wanting to be walking for months now. She is also a very, very sociable baby – so I was starting to wonder where her words were.

I hope I remember what a miracle it is to hear her little voice sing-songing ‘bye bye’, and the wonder of her beginning to add words to her communication.

The temptation with twins is to compare the babies, but we try to resist it because every baby develops on their own timeline, at the speed right for them. While Coco spends all her time on her feet, Snort is busy zooming around and getting into crawlspaces that are only accessible to a baby on their knees. He’s no fool.

You want to get at the used tissues that missed the can in the corner? Crawl under the table and squeeze yourself round the corner to where The Mamas thought you could not get. Want to pick up old food from the floor and have yourself a snack? That shit ain’t happening if you’re walking – hell, you’re too tall to walk under the table.

He cruises when it suits him – grabbing things off the table, kissing the television, making his way stealthily to where I’ve stashed power cords on the corner of the couch. He can now get himself onto the couch, onto the low table – onto anything that requires climbing, actually. He’s waving, doing some serious talking (in his own language, but it’s very expressive – voice going up and down, stressing some ‘words,’ etc), walking like a champion with a walker or while holding on, and actually RUNNING on his hands and knees. He fucking canters, man.

He does not like his nose being wiped.

Coconut is a mama’s girl. She wants to be held a lot of the time, and when she isn’t stopping by for a cuddle she’s off exploring. Mostly on her feet, though hanging onto things a lot of the time still. Our floor is so cluttered with crap that both kids will be skilled walkers by virtue of the fact that they are fighting for floor space while holding their balance and moving forward!

Coconut loves her Bunny. She smiles at everyone she sees, sometimes waving. She likes to feed the babydoll, and she loves cars and trains.

Both kids seem to like reading over everything else. They are constantly holding up books to me. Coconut uses a very insistent little voice to demand to be read to. She’s starting to really interact with the books, and if you give her instructions like ‘put the blanket on Elmo’s head’ (surely a reasonable request) she’ll do it.

SHE LOVES DANCING. She sang before she talked. Hell, right now she’s dancing and singing and smiling at Snort. He’s blasting his way through their two beanbag chairs to stand up by The Allergy Couch and, presumably, look for used tissues or electricity.

So, we spend a lot of time reading (I make up my own stories to the pictures and find myself hilarious), having dance parties (Snort does an awesome headbang), and sleeping. We’re down to one long nap a day, and bizarrely during these past few sick days, they’ve slept for like 3 hours right after breakfast. *shrug*

Congrats if you’ve made it…



Coconut loves shaking her head back and forth. It makes her crap herself in glee. Snort’s doing it right now!!! He’s shaking his head wildly back and forth and laughing, and Coconut is SO HAPPY she may explode.

I just shook my head while making crazy jungle sounds, and they both ran at me. I had a kid at each knee, wildly shaking their heads back and forth and beaming.

God, they are cute.

Her body brings me joy, too.

February 3, 2010

My daughter stuns me with her naked beauty.

Her confidence, her knowing. She likes me to kiss her tummy, she laughs when I blow farts on it. She lifts her legs till her toes point at the ceiling, she turns her face towards mine, and explodes into joy.

Her thighs, so soft and creased, are probably one of my favourite things about her body. She knows her body is there, it serves her purpose (letting her roll over, giving her fingers to flare and be stared at, a thumb that likes to be sucked), it brings her joy. She loves kisses on her neck, fingers run through her short hair, fabric to hug and hold close to her cheek.

She is happy, happy, happy naked. She likes to look in the mirror, she smiles at herself and me. I can’t help but smile back.

This little girl, this 25 week marvel, loves herself in a way that many 25 year old women wish they could. Coconut was born loving herself; I hope she does not forget this somewhere down the road.

I learn so much from watching her just be herself.

David Bowie ain’t the only one who can dance, magic, dance.

December 4, 2009

Just a quickie before the morning feeds commence. I was just baby dancing, and I thought I would show you guys what it’s like:

This is dancing-for-an-audience-in-bouncy-chairs. It’s good. Perhaps better is kneeling-over-audience-on-the-floor-and-dancing-with-your-head-and-facial-expressions.

I don’t know if it’s weird to say about yourself or not, but I totally think I’m a really fun mom. I hope my kids smile and laugh as much in twenty years as they do now. Fun, joy, exploration, being silly, imagination, creativity. This is one aspect of what I want to help instill in them.