Posts Tagged ‘homophobia’

The one I almost didn’t post because I was afraid of backlash.

June 5, 2013

I asked TMD, ‘Hey, what sort of person signs their text message with the word “blessings”?’ She thought similarly to me – Christian or Pagan. We chatted a few more minutes, then moved on with our lives.

She went to work, and I took the kids over to their friend’s house – and my new friend, the one who offered me blessings. I met them a few weeks back at a large home ed gathering and we ended up talking because Coco really hit it off with one of her boys. I liked the kids, I liked the mum, I scored her digits and BAM. Playdate time, baby.

It turns out she is Christian. The sort of Christian that has all these cute amazing crafts hanging up that her kids have made, but they all reference Jesus. Lots of Bibles.

And, you know, that’s fine. Except that super Christian people don’t always love gay people. And I don’t remember if I came out to her when we met.

Now, the whole should I or shouldn’t I coming out debate is not one I often participate in. The decision to not come out is one I very, very rarely take. I can remember once or twice in the last thirteen years I’ve let someone assume I was straight. My long blonde hair, style of dress, etc often means most people assume I am straight. So I am very practiced at coming out, and usually work it pretty early into a conversation because I find it’s better to let people know they are in conversation with a queer bee, otherwise you end up in awkward conversations where they are asking about your husband and you tell them you have a wife and they are horrified they assumed wrongly and apologise and tell you all about their gay friends. Seriously. Better to avoid.

But this lady? We met at a farm. Our kids played together a lot. We looked for baby chicks together. My son smashed his face into her kid’s head on a trampoline and we couldn’t get the bleeding to stop. So I don’t think the gay thing came up.

I try to assume the best of people. There is no reason to think she wouldn’t be okay with me. The amazing Aussie is Christian and she is a staunch defender of civil rights of all shapes and sizes; she is the sort of right on, activist person I think Jesus would have totally dug.

So, should this lady ask, of course I will come out. But today? Today I kept my mouth shut.

Because all the Bible quotes and crafts made me feel a bit uncomfortable. A smidgen awkward. A mite squeamish. I wouldn’t have minded them at all if I knew she knew I was gay and invited me over anyway.

Generally, Christians in Country B are much more progressive than those in Country A. My experience with Christianity, in many flavours, in Country A, has left me with pink scar lines running across me. People have hurled insults at me, made vitriolic comments, told me I was going straight to hell, and much, much worse. My own mother would have nothing to do with me, all in the name of Christianity. A blog reader once told me she liked me even though I was gay, then emailed me a five page letter about my sins. I spent twelve years in a Catholic school that wasn’t shy about their ideas on homosexuality. It’s made me automatically register when people mention they are Christians in a way that I don’t react to Jewish people, Muslims, Buddhists, Hindus, whatever. And perhaps that is wrong of me, but I also have no firsthand experience with Christian Christians here in Country B.

The Christian toys, art, books, etc that were everywhere, combined with the blessings text, make me assume she is a Christian Christian. I look forward to coming back here and telling you all she is super okay with me and my ‘lifestyle choices’. I hope none of you call me a Christian basher. But it is true that much of my life is spent reading, listening, and observing what Christian people think of homosexuality, and a lot of is a poisonous.

I don’t assume all Christians, or even most Christians, feel this way. I’ve been personally involved in a great Anglican church, various Quaker meetings, and Unitarian chapels. But there is no denying that I have a self protective mode that makes me hyperconcious and uncomfortable….it is also a way I rarely feel anymore, now that I am older and more confident, now that I am surrounded by people of my choosing.

I had a great time today at her house. Our kids still all get along well. I like this woman a lot; she’s warm and gentle with her kids and seems really genuine. So I will be inviting her to our home sometime in the next couple of weeks, and I genuinely hope a real friendship can blossom.

But I would be lying if I said I wasn’t nervous about telling her I’m gay.

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Weirdest comment about our rainbow family.

October 14, 2011

Random lady to Snort and Coconut at storytime: Where’s your mummy this morning?

TMD: I’m their other mummy.

Lady: Are you like their nanny or something?

TMD: No, I’m their other mum. They have two mums. Existere is my partner.

Lady, after pause: Oh, that’s complex.

(wtf? Complex? What a weird comment.)

Bullet points for the uninformed.

August 5, 2009
  • I have been obsessively writing down every tightening since 15 July (my mother’s birthday, incidentally). At first it was because I was having them so regularly it was scary. Now it’s because it has become an unbreakable habit.
  • When I shook hands goodbye with the doctor last week, I clutched his hand and said, ‘My, your hands are a lovely cool temperature.’ WTF.
  • The homophobic loser nurse had me swab up all in my grill for MRSA. This necessitated a groin swab. As I was locked into position in The Wheelchair From Hell, she handed TMD the swab and said, ‘Your friend, or partner, or work colleague here can do it.’ Yeah, because I ask all my work collegues to rub cotton on my out of control pubic hair.
  • TMD jacked her shoulder up, but this is a very late update as it is fine now. I have also managed to scratch skin off my legs until I am bleeding because this unbearable heat makes me like a crazed animal. Last night I was awake from 4 am – 6:30, part of it spent standing in a cool shower.
  • I had two nights where I didn’t wear panties. This felt unbelieveably risque and daring. I am now back to the ol’ panty house as every time I stand up goop slides out.
  • I haven’t told you this (I don’t think), but my armpits are FUCKED UP. My skin has gone generally funny during pregnancy (oh, aren’t you covered in scabs? Heat rash? Don’t your legs turn an alarming dead person blue/purple when you are sitting or standing?), and both armpits are covered in a plethora of little scabs. I don’t know what to do about it, but I hope it goes away soon.
  • Had my last antenatal appointment today! Midwife found Mano’s heartbeat in my groin and was convinced he was still flip flopping around in utero. It took a good 45 minutes to find his, and Torre’s took approximately 3 seconds.
  • My right ear and cheek are ON FIRE.
  • Tomorrow at 11 am we have our pre-op appointment for the c section. The midwife today said they will scan me prior to the section to confirm baby positions. I asked if this meant they could offer a natural delivery if M had turned. She said possibly. At this point? I WANT THEM OUT NEXT TUESDAY, no bargaining involved.
  • Still have last Saturday’s pics to upload. In them, I am wearing a bra and holding up a purple towel to hide my rather capriscious panties. Yes, I appear to have given up on clothes.
  • 37 weeks 1 day today, which means 37 weeks exactly when our IVF dates are considered. Propa full term, lads and ladettes.
  • Continued thanks for the supportive¬† comments! They are all so appreciated, especially as I am still cut off from The Real World. Was told today I’d probably still have ‘quite sore’ SPD for a few weeks after the birth, but still!! All that baby, water, and placenta stuff outta there. You guys have been more of a lifeline than I suspect you realise.

Another day, another dollar.

November 5, 2008

Hey kids.¬† Hope your day is going well. Some of my morning elation is fading in the wake of the homophobic voting that happened yesterday, but I don’t have enough energy right now to allow myself to be as angry as that demands. As I sit here writing a novel and watching TMD putter in the kitchen, I roll my eyes at the people who think my life is abnormal.

Abnormally awesome, maybe.

I’m also aware that I’m welcoming Epilady into my blogging life. Hi, Epilady! I may have blown one of my ‘anonymous’ dual nationalities today, but the rules of my blog for people who know me in real life are simple. One, please don’t use my name in the comments. Two, don’t tell other people anything about The Baby Stuff. I’m very selective about who reads this blog, much more so than with previous sites.

Making a baby is much more serious than failing a driving test, so I’m not being too specific with every Tom, Dick, and Harry. Natually, this is difficult as I can’t keep my fucking mouth shut, but the closer treatment looms, the less I suddenly want people knowing about it.

Anyway. Hi, Epilady! Have you epilated lately? Inquiring minds want to know.

So – back to NaNoWriMo, the other hot topic of November for me. (Baby, writing, writing, baby.) After not doing any writing yesterday and almost erasing the whole novel today, I’ve recovered. Many thanks to Eric, who suggested a way to recover my novel that worked! I’m up to 8514 words, which is actually slightly higher than Nano demands at this point.

Hoorah, me.


8514 / 50000 words. 17% done!

Can you believe I’m done with 17%? This is the secret glory of nano. No matter how shit the writing is, you can’t help but feel like a superhero because your word count is rising so quickly. Except I’ll let you in on a secret: I don’t think this little baby novel is shitty, actually.

It might just be the best one I’ve ever written. Time will tell.

I also ate wild blackberries this morning.

July 30, 2008

My mother is very excited about the fact that I might Move Back Home One Day, and I think my sister has gotten into it as well. All of this from an innocent  email wondering if my qualifcations are transferrable to that country, which stemmed from the idea that I definitely want to do more training in a couple of years. While waiting for the train this morning, I thought about these two places. Past Country and Present Country, with no clear winner of which would win the title of Future Country, if either.

It occured to me that I have never been a real grown up in Past Country. In this place I live now, I’ve had actual adult jobs, completed two postgraduate courses, bought a house, bought a car, lived a grown-up life with my grown-up wife, etc. What do I really know about Past Country? I’m not even totally clear on the types of jobs availble for working with young people, for example (excluding the obvious ones). TMD has said she would move back into the camping field should we move there, and this morning I was thinking – is it possible for me to be happy if she works in that type of job?

And that’s even if a camp is happy to take on not just the suberbly qualified TMD, but also her lesbian partner and their children. It’s been a long time since I’ve faced the type of discrimination that is inherent in Past Country. The sort that is so thick and murky fingers reach into every area of your life. Would I want to live in that environment? Raise my children there?

The simple fact is, I think I am more comfortable in Present Country. While it was a huge culture shock to move here originally, and I faced feeling really low for the first couple of years, now I have grown up and into this place. This doesn’t mean I don’t want to live in Past Country. In all sorts of fantastical fantasy ways I would prefer it, hands-down. But is it possible? I don’t know.

All of this is completely arbitrary discussion anyway, as we would not move there until there was a national policy on immigration with regards to same-sex marriage. But the way things are going, that could either be much sooner than we ever predicted – or decades away. I’m not sure. Those of you living in a country where gay marriage is not legal and therefore immigration is a bitch, what is the vibe?