Posts Tagged ‘gay marriage’

Why I’m not overjoicing over a bone being thrown in my general direction.

May 10, 2012

I woke up this morning to my Facebook newsfeed flooded with news about Obama. In case you live under a rock, he said:

”I have to tell you that over the course of several years as I have talked to friends and family and neighbors when I think about members of my own staff who are in incredibly committed monogamous relationships, same-sex relationships, who are raising kids together, when I think about those soldiers or airmen or marines or sailors who are out there fighting on my behalf and yet feel constrained, even now that Don’t Ask Don’t Tell is gone, because they are not able to commit themselves in a marriage, at a certain point I’ve just concluded that for me personally it is important for me to go ahead and affirm that I think same sex couples should be able to get married.”

Okay, swell.

But my first reaction was not that of abject gratitude, which many of my gay friends in America seem to be having. Like that picture circulating of Obama riding a unicorn, rainbows shooting out of his bad ass gay loving hands. I guess I’m just an ungrateful second class citizen.

My reaction was, ‘It’s not enough.’ Don’t get me wrong. I get that it’s a big deal for a sitting American president to come out in favour of (gay) marriage. Fine. But they are just words.

He continued to say that he believes it needs to be an issue tackled state by state. For those keeping count, 32 states have passed laws or ammendments to their state constitutions banning gay unions or marriages. Laws have been passed saying they no longer recognise marriages from out-of-state. I have friends – lesbian headed families like our own – who literally never leave their state because all the protection for them ceases at the borders. And even within those borders, they have to carry around adoption certificates to prove they have the right to make decisions for their child.

If you are in a man-woman marriage with kids, imagine being alone with your kids while one of them falls and smashes their head in. Imagine not being allowed to make medical decisions or even see your kid. That is the reality for gay families in America.

State changes are not enough. Equality needs to be handled on a federal level – this ensures legal rights are protected across the entire country. It also means immigration is impacted….which means families like mine might actually be able to make a choice about whether they want to live in Obama land or continue to reside in their top secret, equality loving country. You know, as opposed to feeling abject terror every time they visit family in that country, because one half of the couple could be REFUSED ENTRY to America because they are married to an American same-sex partner.

Every major civil rights issue has this in common. Read up on women getting the vote, on interracial marriage. All were originally state issues. Until people realised how fucked up that was, because individual states were were millions of years away from all coming to an agreement. So the federal government stepped up – and however you feel about government involvement in ‘private’ life, I think we can all agree that women should vote, interracial couples should be able to marry, that same sex couples should be able to marry.

I only hope the federal government grows a pair and deals with this issue – and that it is an equality supporter like Obama that heads the government when that mighty day finally comes.

Have an extra six minutes? Watch this.

Something of note.

April 10, 2009

Last night I needed to sneeze, so I reached out to brace myself on TMD. I am sneezing and snotting all over the place – a side effect of pregnancy I don’t actually mind. Anyway, I let loose with some grody sneezes….and then didn’t check to see if anything, uh, flew anywhere.

A little later I went to hug TMD and noticed glistening stuff in her hair. Big gobs of it. I started laughing, which DOES hurt The Bump. I couldn’t stop. I was hunched over, trying to keep my knees together, holding my stomach up. I even took pictures.

Then I got some paper towel to wipe her hair clean – a few globs on her head, a huge glob on her ponytail, even some dried globs on her shirt. I didn’t stop to question the fact that, surely, no human being can produce this much snot OR even if they can, how the fuck would they sneeze so powerfully as to spread it all over someone else?

I looked close at her ponytail, my fingers brused a cold shimmering glob…and I stopped cold. I said, ‘I think there is a worm in your hair.’

We must pause here to say that I HATE worms worse than ANYTHING, even buttons. I am freaked out walking on concrete in the rain because there are worms everywhere – I once got carried across a parking lot. TMD went into the bathroom while I stayed frozen, horror and loathing pouring through my veins.

She was silent, taking care of business in the bathroom. I yelled, ‘Where did you put that thing?’ When she announced she had put her head over the bathtub and shook it free, I said, ‘I BATHE in there. That is dirty. YOU are dirty.’

She then told me it was…a….slug. Fucking gross ick nast (yes, no ‘y’) disgusting FUCK. A slug? In her HAIR? She says she brushed against the wall by the bins when she took the trash out like an hour earlier. So that fucker had been in her hair, sliming around and coating her in slug mucus (human snot mucus would have been much better). Thankfully she took a shower, but not before I screamed at her in panic to come check my hair, legs, belly, etc.


This country is so gross. I swear to god there are no slugs where I come from. We have snakes, yes, but at least snakes get the hell away from you rather than clinging to your hair.

I look like summer today.

March 20, 2009

Broke my non-vomit streak on Wednesday. Essentially, I’ve been thinking of part of TMD’s birthday gift for awhile now. I am crap with getting her birthday things, though she insists I always do. Well, I ordered it Wednesday and was feeling very proud of myself.

That evening she asked me point blank to buy her the thing I had just ordered that day. The next thing I know, I am sobbing – calling her a Present Ruiner, no less – and then bam. I vomited up the nutritious, delicious, and LARGE dinner we’d just eaten.

I felt like some kind of huge failure. Five full days with no food/acid bath for my teeth, and then I threw up like a fucking champion. Completely filled one bowl and had to negotiate a switch to an empty one partway through.

Still. I am now on Day 2 of a new vomit-free streak. And I just ordered her something else she will never, ever expect – I hope it arrives okay. I am back into being the Birthday Fairy, big time.

First scan, first good day, hippy hippy shake/pain.

February 22, 2009

Yesterday was by far the nicest day I/we have had since becoming pregnant. We just spent the whole day together, relaxing and wandering around town, having lunch in ‘our’ place, holding hands in the fragile spring sunshine. Of course, the anti-nausea meds helped! I crammed more food down my throat than it is probably possible to imagine.

The whole weight gain/weight loss thing is interesting. I have spent my whole life effortlessly gaining weight. Now when I actually want and need to do so, it’s so fucking hard. So far, in my thirteen and a half weeks of pregnancy, I’ve lost 2 pounds. Yesterday had me feeling so good I decided to try without meds today, and had spaghetti for breakfast. And lunch. A few hours later I was throwing up into a wrinkled plastic bag on my lap, screaming at TMD to pull over into a quiet residential road.

I then gulped down a pill, a McDonald’s hot apple pie, and a chocolate shake. Niiiiiiiiice.

Tomorrow I have another scan and I still haven’t written about last week’s. In my old diary, tying my shoelaces in a new and funky way would have resulted in a plethora of photos. Now I just seem too tired, or like I have other things to do (like…..get sick?). I just now whipped out the scan pics again (two of each baby, and one of both babies together) and was suddenly surprised to see a baby’s face spring into focus – eye indentation, nose, mouth. A real live person’s profile. Times two.

The scan was incredible. I think TMD loved it more than I did, but I loved it a whole lot. It was a funny feeling, the lady shoving the ultrasound thing very firmly against me in all different places. The babies are sort of stacked on top of each other, like a high rise apartment building. This scan was EXACTLY like a dream I had before I even knew it was twins. Don’t think I wrote about that dream here yet, so will not wax lyrical.

But we saw both heartbeats – a zillion times huger than at seven weeks. Twin 2, as he/she is so romantically called in hospital terms (the baby in the penthouse) was in a funny little position when she was trying to measure top-to-tail (or something), so she went down to the other baby. When she went back, Twin 2 was in good position. And then just as she snapped a picture, we saw a hand move. We all sort of let out this breath of ‘Ohhhhh!’ and when the picture was done, we saw the whole baby wriggle and stretch. That shit is magic, people, let me tell you.

Twin 1 didn’t move the whole time, but it was interesting as the place she was pushing to see that baby was right where I’ve felt all the movement. I said so and she seemed surprised I’ve felt them. (And I’ve felt them since. Sometimes both at the same time!)

Our scan was last Tuesday, and both babies were dated at exactly 13 weeks (due date: August 25). This is one day ahead of the internet, and FOUR days ahead of our IVF clinic. They are both doing perfectly for this stage in the pregnancy.

Tomorrow is a screening scan. I am looking at it as an opportunity to see those kiddies again, as well as to have my mind put at rest. It’ll be just me making my way from one city to another (say it with me: over an hour on a train, then a taxi ride) and will probably have me fighting tears at some point. My hormones seem MILDLY less crazed, but that could be because it’s the weekend. I did just sob uncontrollably at the end of High School Musical 3, which I record in the interest of accuracy.

Feeling very tired and – according to TMD – looking very pregnant. At some point you’ll all see my belly. For now, imagine a very very hard stomach full of sandbags. It’s becoming a killer on my left hip to sleep on my left side. How can I fix this? I need all the moms and mums out there to offer advice!!

(I made a new header in honour of our kidlets. What do you think?)

Another day, another dollar.

November 5, 2008

Hey kids.  Hope your day is going well. Some of my morning elation is fading in the wake of the homophobic voting that happened yesterday, but I don’t have enough energy right now to allow myself to be as angry as that demands. As I sit here writing a novel and watching TMD putter in the kitchen, I roll my eyes at the people who think my life is abnormal.

Abnormally awesome, maybe.

I’m also aware that I’m welcoming Epilady into my blogging life. Hi, Epilady! I may have blown one of my ‘anonymous’ dual nationalities today, but the rules of my blog for people who know me in real life are simple. One, please don’t use my name in the comments. Two, don’t tell other people anything about The Baby Stuff. I’m very selective about who reads this blog, much more so than with previous sites.

Making a baby is much more serious than failing a driving test, so I’m not being too specific with every Tom, Dick, and Harry. Natually, this is difficult as I can’t keep my fucking mouth shut, but the closer treatment looms, the less I suddenly want people knowing about it.

Anyway. Hi, Epilady! Have you epilated lately? Inquiring minds want to know.

So – back to NaNoWriMo, the other hot topic of November for me. (Baby, writing, writing, baby.) After not doing any writing yesterday and almost erasing the whole novel today, I’ve recovered. Many thanks to Eric, who suggested a way to recover my novel that worked! I’m up to 8514 words, which is actually slightly higher than Nano demands at this point.

Hoorah, me.

8514 / 50000 words. 17% done!

Can you believe I’m done with 17%? This is the secret glory of nano. No matter how shit the writing is, you can’t help but feel like a superhero because your word count is rising so quickly. Except I’ll let you in on a secret: I don’t think this little baby novel is shitty, actually.

It might just be the best one I’ve ever written. Time will tell.


November 5, 2008

It feels like a holiday.

On the train to work this morning, a woman with a heavy Ghanian accent was talking with a white Swiss lady.  The Ghanian lady said, ‘My sister, if you asked her who the prime minister was, she’d have to stop and think.  But can you believe, she texted me at 5 am this morning to say that Obama had won!’

The white lady said, ‘That is amazing, all these people getting involved.’  She paused, then grabbed the black lady’s hands and squealed, ‘This is so exciting!’

I looked at the black lady, locked eyes with her, and we both beamed at each other.

Walking to work, a group of three very loud men were clutching newspapers and chatting.  One said, ‘What a day for America, for everybody.  The world is a safer place now. The world is a safer place.’

I keep smiling and smiling, feeling a pride in a country I’ve long felt very cynical about – not just a country, but my country. At 6 am this morning as we were watching the celebrations for Obama’s victory, I turned to TMD and said, ‘You know, maybe there’s a chance of us moving there now.’

And for the first time since I’ve moved abroad, I could realistically wonder when/if federal law would allow gay marriage – and recognise people who’d been married elsewhere. If this happens, suddenly the world opens back up to us.

Congratulations to everyone who voted for this incredible, idealistic man – this black man. What a fucking fantastic day.