Posts Tagged ‘ebay’

After years of training to be a counsellor, I step out of the job market. I AM A BABYBABYMAMA.

May 11, 2010

I know I need to tell my job I’m not coming back, but I am so reluctant to do so. I know it’s not just about the whole ‘pain’ thing, as even if I was running marathons daily and baking wholesome treats on the side, I would still be dragging my feet (in a peppy sort of way) to tell them this ride is over.

I think it’s because right now I can pretend I’m still a counsellor at the best charity in the world. Oh, yes, I am still doing family therapy, couples counselling, one to one, play therapy. Oh yes, look at my active caseload. I get to glue shit to sticks and play make believe and get paid for it. My goodness, aren’t I just a high flying star on her way to the wonders of therapyland?

Of course I would rather stay home. Like, times a million. I guess I am just having trouble breaking up with work, which is a joke since in the two years I’ve been employed this June, I will have had a year of maternity leave, five weeks of leave over the accident, weeks of leave over morning sickness, a week off for fake appendicitis, and on and on and on. I AM A STELLER EMPLOYEE. The joke being that at my last job, the one I didn’t like, I was never fucking sick. Ah, pregnancy totally fucked over my current job, it did, it did.

I think I already have the panic flutters over having to haul my ass back into the working world in a few years. I told TMD I want to be a stay at home mom even once they are in school. She laughed at me.

Not having the internet for those couple of days last week really helped my little romance novel grow. Because when I have the internet, I have an inability to not take advantage of that*. Hell, I’m looking up Cookie Monster hoodies on eBay, I’m reading trashy mean forum threads about politics, I am finding new and annoying Facebook games to play, I am wishing I had The Sims installed on this laptop. ALL DANGEROUS THINGS.

I was just going to say I would stay off the internet today, but then I realised what a dumb thing that would be to do or say. Why, there are So Many Interesting Things on the internet, but I know one thing there is not…..an email to my boss saying I need to have a chat with her. Ha. I did have a dream about her last night, so no doubt The Talk (TM) is coming.

*This is like a double negative situation, and upon rereading I had to read this sentence a few times to make sure it said what I wanted it to. Even now, I’m not sure it does. Blame it on the codeine, yeah, yeah….

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Getting emails from all the technological peeps in the world. I AM A MOGUL.

November 2, 2009

Woke up this morning to an email from Facebook informing me that a page I started has a large number of followers and I need to authenticate my involvement with the ‘company’ by linking to the fb page from the official website, linking it to an actual email address associated with the product, etc. The page I started is for a foodstuff. It somehow has over 43,000 followers – I didn’t even remember I was part of this page, let alone the fact that I had started it.¬† I never post shit to the wall, there is nothing exciting about this page – apparently the love of this food item has united people the world over.

How to authenticate? Luckily there is a little box where you can plead your case. Like, for instance, ‘Listen, assmunch, this is a fan page for food, moreover food that is manufactured in different countries by different companies. Likewise, someone in certain parts of the world could go pick this shit off a tree. Wanting me to authenticate that I have the authority to create this page is like asking me to authenticate that I have the right to take a shit every morning, thanks.’

I also woke up to an email from eBay letting me know in The Most! Excited! Email! EVER! that I have a yellow star after my name because at least ten people have given me positive feedback. Ebay encouraged (!!!) me to print out the attached Yellow Star Certificate and post it somewhere in my life with pride.

Yeah, how about I print that sucker out and throw it on the pile of shit that is currently on our coffee table? It would look really nice among the empty cereal bowl, camera, baby scissors, baby nail clippers, the latest copy of my therapy magazine, rattles, remote controls, baby diaries, pens, empty earbud bag, Quash, etc etc. Every time I look at your poxy little certificate, I could be reminded of the dangerous addiction that seems to be forming – like the fact that I bought a stuffed baby chick the other day because I managed to convince myself that this stuffed animal was my muse in chicken form.

Or how about the genuine black Crocs from Hong Kong? Because I only have like 6,000 pairs of those fuckers already and there is no reason to buy more. Except, you know, that they are super cheap and I have wanted black ones for years in an attempt to fit in with Styles That Do Not Offend The Eye.

Yeah, thanks. I am spending my time trying not to spend my money on your website, so I’ll rush right out to print out a certificate that will remind me of just how stupidly I have spent money¬† I do not have. What a bolster to my self esteem that will be! Thanks, eBay!

‘Your urine is so clear – did you pour it from a bottle?’ -Second fave thing she said.

April 23, 2009

Had 22 week midwife appointment today (I’m 22 weeks 2 days, for those of you without a calender of my pregnancy hanging on your wall).

I asked about 6,432 questions. I think the favourite thing I said was, ‘My final two questions: orgasms and poop.’

My least favourite thing the midwife said was that orgasms are now verbodden on account of the whole twin thing. The best thing she said was, ‘OH, your partner is female. I don’t want to be offensive, but that might explain why you asked about orgasms. None of my patients with male partners seem interested in sex at all, or like they have orgasms.’ (How is this offensive to me? If anything, it’s offensive to kickin’ ladies with male partners who enjoy the lovvvvvvvvvemaking.)

So….lesbians have better sex. It’s official and branded so by Marie. (Pronounced ‘Mary.’) Bless her.

Let’s see, other stuff. She confirmed I can only go ahead with a vaginal delivery if both babies are headdown. Boo sucks. Also said I might not feel Torre as much as she suspects Mano is crowding Torre a bit. She couldn’t tell what their presentation was, but it was pretty funny feeling – I could feel the babies getting pushed around by her. She also measured my uterine height – first time that has happened.

Am I pregnant or WHAT. Tape measures on my tummy. Good times. I am measuring big (of course) but not as big as I suspected. The ol’ uterus is 25 cm. As per usual, Torre was nice and still for heart checking, but Mano was elusive. Perhaps this is linked to the amount of room they each have in the womb. Hopefully they will grow more or less evenly. I sometimes wonder if all this lying on my left side is affecting anything.

In other news, I spend all my time on eBay hitting refresh to see if I have been outbid on a Tiny Love playmat – the deluxe gymani lights & sound or something like that. We want this mofo, and I have lost about 4 auctions of it already. Cross your fingers for us/it/the babies!!

My camp-related job has offered me a bit of at home work, so at least it can fund some of these baby purchases. Like two cheap ones. Ha. We are getting to the point where we need to purchase expensive furniture and shit, and that makes it scary to make big decisions because it’s all much more bank-account-ruining and serious. Updates later.