Posts Tagged ‘christmas’

According to the websites, anyways…

December 27, 2008

I am spending all my time eating or sleeping, but I thought I would pop in here to say one thing: the heart(s) started beating yesterday. Merry Christmas.

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I heart Christmas trees.

November 25, 2008

One month exactly until Christmas, as Green just pointed out. I CANNOT wait to put up our Christmas tree. God only knows where it will fit.

It’s quite large.

Bodily shaking and baby making.

October 17, 2008

OH MY GOD. I would write this entire entry in capital letters if good grammatical sense wasn’t so deep rooted.

Just talked with the nurse. She said the woman I am donating eggs to is only five days behind me, period wise. She thinks that this means I can skip the extra month’s waiting and the birth control pill. What does this mean?

THAT I WOULD GO IN TOMORROW TO BEGIN TREATMENT. Wha

————

Okay. She called back.

My shaking body subsided with a proper crash: things are back to usual. I begin taking the pill when my period comes next week, go in to the clinic to run through everything with the nurse, and treatment begins. But there is STILL a bonus. They will begin ‘down-regulating’ me (this means switching off my normal hormones via injections) at day 14 or possibly even earlier!! Normally downregging begins on Day 17ish.

The nurse said her goal would be to have the entire treament cycle complete by the end of November/early December.

She also said that the woman who will be receiving my eggs is very, very excited. I just made the absolute switch from being unsure to feeling absolutely delighted about helping another woman conceive a child.

Part of me still feels crushed that things aren’t rolling tomorrow – and I feel upset as I’ve been calling the clinic all week as I suspected there might be a snowball’s chance in hell of sorting this out. If I was in the office alone I might cry, maybe? But on the other hand, I feel completely delighted, ecstatic, and hopeful that by the time Christmas is here I may be preggo with one or two eggos.

If the time span of 10 minutes can send me on this much of a high and low – not to mention TMD who was blasted from nowhere with a phone call saying we might begin trying tomorrow – I wonder what the rest of this journey will be like. I’m reading a good book now (the IVF one on my ‘baby books’ page – just started it this morning) and it says what a lot of things do: view IVF as a journey, not an instant fix. However, facts remain that most people have a successful pregnancy within three cycles of IVF.

Am I naive and too optimistic? I’d rather feel happy during this process than emotionally ripped apart. I think many women who end up at IVF have done just that – ended up there after months or years of trying other options. TMD and I have chosen to just fast forward through all that and START with IVF. I feel really solid about IVF. I really fucking hope it works first time, though.

All I want for Christmas…

October 5, 2008

I’m ready for Christmas. I’ve been ready for a couple of months now. I’ve got carols in my head, imaginary snow covering the ground, remembering holidays past. We’re not going home for Christmas this year, which has been the plan all along, because we’re going to be too busy trying to get knocked up. Preggers. Bun in the oven. Etc etc.

Everything seems to be just a giant waiting game until we can get this baby party started.  I want to be doing something, anything, that will help. My meager offerings of (mostly) giving up caffeine and getting enough sleep doesn’t make me feel like a fertile myrtle. I am eager to pop those pills, ready to shoot up until my tummy looks like a car crash, ….

I think I have been fake pregnant for a couple of months now. I keep looking at my stomach; I’ve found myself touching my stomach furtively on the train. One day while carrying a shitload of bags, I almost exploded with happiness at the idea of walking with a waddle – for a reason better than the uneveness of handbags. I plan which purse I will use once I enter the time of not being able to lift anything over ten pounds. Every time I roll over in bed at night, I wonder what it will be like to be heavy and full.

Watching an embrassing amount of E.R. today, I kept thinking about what position I will hang out in after the embryos are put back in.

There are a lot of hurdles to get over, but the biggest hurdle for me (in any area of my life, in fact) is the waiting. Endless. Frustrating.

So, roll on Christmas. Back home, there is a buffer holiday between now and Christmas. Here, they barely celebrate Halloween, let alone The Buffer Holiday That Features Turkey.  I dream of Christmas trees and pregnancy tests.