Srsly.

Anyone know if having sex while stimming is a bad thing in any way? I’m desperate to find out.

I’ll tell you, I’m sad my clinic is closed now till Monday. Because I’d like permission to have sex, actually. Also because a host of  mildly alarming symptoms consistent with a non-IVF cycle are happening. I’ve been having cramping in my lower back for a day or so, occasional cramps in front, and today – well, fuck.

A large amount of eggwhite CM. And the friskiness.

I hope I cannot ovulate until they give me the go ahead, because my body sure seems to want to.

Cast away.

For the moment, I’ve decided that babychart.wordpress.com is too much fucking trouble. Back to Fertility Friend I go.

Truth is, since we’ve basically decided on IVF life has turned good again. I’m still taking my temp every morning and peeing on little ovulation sticks, but I’m not so fussed about the whole thing. I’m having some coffee at work and some Diet Coke at home.

I’m got more relaxed about my cervix (although it was SO LOW today it felt like it was trying to make a break for freedom). Everything seems easier and more normal, and I think that is because IVF takes the trouble out of conceiving. Don’t get me wrong – it adds injections and all sorts of IVF-y problems, but it makes me less fearful to take an allergy pill because they dry out your cervical fluid, and that is a sign of fertility.

I took an allergy pill last night and it was almost sensual it’s been so long since I had one.

I think IVF is the way I’ll feel most like myself, able to just live ordinary life – at least for the next month or two while we build up to it. And I think pregnancy is best and most likely when life is going on as per usual (assuming, of course, that life per usual doesn’t involve drugs/alcohol/bad things).

While gardening today I kept thinking, ‘Next year at this time there will be a little baby.’ I really hope that’s true. Or true times two.