The Cesarean Secret.

Everyone talks about c sections like if you have one, you will be traumatized for life. That they are awful, horrific experiences that will cause you years of grief, anger, and depression. While I don’t deny that some women may have this experience – and I’ve certainly read of people comparing c sections to rape – I can also categorically say that c sections can be wonderful.

On Twitter, oh my pal Twitter, people are so against c sections that I’ve had women privately message me and thank me for mentioning that I had one and it was a great experience. They are afraid, they say, to speak out because they feel like they will be judged. Again, I’m sure no one would judge a woman who did have a genuine medical need for one (though many women have vastly differing ideas of what ‘need’ means), it doesn’t change the fact that some judgement would be attached. Not of the mother, necessarily, but of the doctors, midwives, etc.

The most damning judgment would be that the c section was probably unneeded – and definitely awful.

Again, I want to stress that I know a c section must be a scary experience for women who were actively planning a natural birth. To labour for hours, for your baby to be in danger, to have a crash section…I wouldn’t wish that on anyone.

But it doesn’t stop me from saying: Hey, my c section was fabulous.

My hospital (a run of the mill normal hospital with all free care) had agreed that a vaginal birth was okay and safe with my twin breech babies if they came early. That point passed, and the babies continued to grow and flourish. In the end, we went full term and they were singleton sized. A c section was something I had wavered about, and certainly was nervous about, but then I’d been realistically preparing myself for the fact that it was probably on the cards. My babies were breech or transverse  virtually the entire pregnancy, so it was no surprise to me when we were pulling out our diaries and scheduling the birth.

I had literal months to get my mind around the fact that I would not be having a natural birth. But let’s be honest: my pregnancy hadn’t exactly gone to plan, either, and a vaginal birth would have put me at risk of permanent disability. I was of the definite mindset that I needed to do what was safest for my babies and my body/mind, and that flexibility was going to have to be part of that.

Was I shitting myself the night before the section? Sure. Was my section a bit delayed and I was freaking the fuck out? Sure.

Also true: everyone was so gentle and loving. All the staff came by my room, individually, to introduce themselves before the birth. They took the time to explain step-by-step what was going on. When the epidural/spinal seemed to not be working, they paged the top dogs and following births and pain clinics were delayed because they wanted to avoid knocking me out for the birth.

The staff rubbed my back, held my hands, put their arms around TMD as she supported me for the hour it took to get the epidural in. They did multiple checks in multiple ways to ensure I was properly numbed – and also to help reassure me that no one was going to cut me and hurt me. The doctors talked through every step, respecting my wish to know which baby came from which side (in case they were both boys, so I could know who was who!).

My wife cut the cords. The babies were pretty much instantly brought over to me. TMD held one baby next to my cheek, while a hospital staff member held the other on my chest. TMD and the babies stayed with me for the entire surgery. They were weighed in my view.The only time I was not touching or looking at them was about 5 minutes before I was wheeled into recovery, and TMD was there to continue to have contact with them the entire time.

The anesthetic assistant grabbed my camera and took amazing pictures – we owe our huge collection of family pictures taken seconds after the birth to this funny, sweet man. He even took pictures of the placentas in a bucket for us!

Everyone in that birth room acted like this was the first birth they had ever attended. They were so congratulatory, so helpful in ensuring that the babies were kept as close to me as possible, so pleased to include TMD in everything that was happening.

In recovery, I was assigned two or three amazing midwives whose only goal was to help start breastfeeding. They showed us how to latch the babies, and they were clear in saying they wanted babies on boobs as quickly as possible. I had one midwife per boob/baby, and a third offering to make me tea and toast. When I began to vomit from the morphine, I felt okay about it because they were so lovely – we even had a laugh. They kept me in recovery for longer than usual just to make sure the babies were feeding, and I was no longer sick.

Throughout our time in the hospital afterward, we were moved to a private room. I was given a lovely and thorough sponge bath the next morning.  TMD was allowed to stay well beyond visiting hours. I had midwives and assistants at my beck and call – remember I literally could not walk a step at this time. Midwives helped me off the toilet, pushed my wheelchair, paged doctors and pulled lines to get me gas and air for the pain. They came at all hours of the night to change poopy diapers and squeeze my nipples to help the babies feed. One midwife collected each tiny drop of colostrum in a minuscule vial to be given to the babies when they woke up.

When I cried about how breastfeeding was going, when TMD yelled at them, they stood there and took it all, and it was arranged for me to see a certified lactation consultant first thing the next morning.

Did I plan to have a c section? No. Did I worry I would feel like I’d had less of a birth experience? Yes.

But as it turned out, it was a perfect day. The love and attention showed to us and the babies in those hours surrounding the births made the day feel very special, supportive, and FUN. We laughed a lot, and everyone’s main consideration seemed to be making sure the babies were getting skin-to-skin contact, breastfeeding, and I was doing well bonding with them.

I could not have asked for a better experience – I’m sure there are many ways to have a happy, healthy birth….but for these births, for my firstborn children, this one was pretty darn good. I’m thankful for that.

More info:
Welcome entry just after babies were born – pictures galore!
My birth story.