Posts Tagged ‘2ww’

Seeeeeeeeriously. It cough-puked in my mouth two seconds after writing the last entry.

December 12, 2008

Tatiana, as always, thank you from the bottom of my heart for the comments. I consider you an expert, you know – you ARE brewing up a gorgeous little tootsie in your tummy, after all.

Now –

I just coughed and almost threw up all over my desk. Said, ‘hmm’ then speed walked to the loo. Immediately threw up some water (as is my wont), and then spent some quality time dry heaving.

I don’t feel nauseated. I just feel like I need to throw up when I need to throw up, you know? For some reason, not feeling very YIPEE about the sudden onset water puking. I should be happy to be puking if it’s Baby Time, but I can’t help but think that I could psychosomatically making myself do this. And if I AM, then by god, I’m good. I sure surprised myself.

My throat feels sort of strained. I feel a little bit like you do when you need to puke but are holding it in. This morning during The Friday Morning Gag-A-Thon I was clucking like a chicken trying not to puke, choking out supportive phrases like, ‘Hold it on, come on now, you *cluck* ..you are *cluck* fine. You don’t need to puke. You are done *cluck* brushing your teeth.’

Oh fuck. Even talking about brushing my teeth makes me need to cluck. I hope I don’t shit my pants while vomiting in the ice cold bathrooms at work. Like, seriously.

Also, another fun fact: my friend Corporate T HATES the sight or sound of anyone brushing their teeth. Could he be pregnant, a la Existere style?

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Dropping off the kids at the pool.

December 12, 2008

In the interest of accurate recording, I had really wacko leg pains this morning. Like I’d done a load of exercise. I assumed it’s because I did a lot of up-and-downing of stairs last night (if you count the one step into the bus as a ‘stair’), but am now on a wonderous site that says achy legs are a symptom of pregnancy.

My boobs are still nice and veiny. Also getting more sore. Think they look big as well.

I hope this is all just not wishful thinking.

My weird need-to-puke-OR-DO-I feeling from this morning has vanished. I still have not pooped. I cannot wait to just relax on the toilet tonight, for real.

Since the egg collection, peaceful and rapid poos are a thing of the past. If I’m not willing to sit and wait, nothing is willing to come out. But prior to today and yesterday, I pooped like 2389 times a day. Yesterday only the once. Today none. I am trying to casually fart at work without breaking the silence of the room. So far, so good.

Fun fact: when I was a baby, I couldn’ t be bothered to poop. My mom says that if I was playing or something, I would stop straining almost as soon as I started. She said my asshole would be dilated and completely brown with poo, and she’d need to ‘dig it out.’

Consider today a regression? Please, let there be no digging out.

8 days to stick peeing.

December 12, 2008

I’m a worried woman. The combined Incidents Of Last Night have really unsettled me, along with the lower back pain and fairly constant(ish) cramping in my lower abdomen.

Yes, I realise both are common in early pregnancy.

But I keep thinking – what if?

I am not entirely clearly what happens when nature and science mix. I mean, I had my embryo transfer on Day 22 of my cycle. But is it really Day 22 when you’ve had IVF and things have been hormally manipulated? It would make me feel better to think that my body recognised the egg collection as ovulation. That my body was giving the embryos as long as possible to do their thing.

I’m just nervous as, well, in a normal cycle my period would be due todayish.

The clinic rang and left a message yesterday, and I spoke to the head IVF nurse today. The woman who received my eggs apparently gave them a beautiful card she wanted passed on to me, and the nurse wanted to see if I was okay with that. The nurse also said she asked her to say a big thank you to me. And reiterated what an amazing thing it is to donate eggs.

All this would have been lovely yesterday when I felt preggo. Today I am still worried about last night. While lying on the couch during lunch time, I realised I’m being wacko. No one causes a miscarriage by opening a car door. (touch wood)

Been invited along to a meal tonight, but think I don’t want to risk a second night in a row of not lying down after inserting My Pal The Pessary.

Yes, I realise I’m a bit anal. But really, this is all worth being anal over. Am trying to recoup on my positivity – think I’m feeling neutral tinged with worry, but still sort of believing I’m pregnant?

This shit is killing me.