Parenting gets more like a cliche every day.


Hey, did you see me today?

I know you don’t know what I look like, but I was the one hanging out in the boot/trunk of her enormous car with her kids today. In a public carpark. Yeah, let’s just say it’s a good thing I never bothered to take out the potty that was in the back from when they were learning to potty last summer.

Yeah, simple wees. There was a handy drain near the car, so I could pour it down and be sort of respectable, as opposed to being forced to water plants.

Then a kid did a giant soft serve crap. It looked soft enough to go down the drain. I was wrong. It sat there on the metal grating, a cheerful chocolate whirly perfect shit.

I had to run to the car, grab a baby wipe, and then come break the shit into pieces and shove it down the drain.

I think I looked suspicious.

Which is why I think you would have noticed me, had you been there. Don’t be shy. Say hi next time.


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