The reason we are staying home today.

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You know how when someone gets murdered by gun, they can analyse the blood spatters to learn more about, say, the angle of the shot, etc?

I just wrote the ‘the angle of the shit’ instead of ‘shot,’ but it wasn’t too much of a mistake. I’m wrestling with whether I can post horrific shit pictures on my blog. Can I? Because I took the picture to show TMD because if one studies it carefully, one can only assume one of my children is in possession of roughly five distinct assholes.

Let’s just say that the three stool softener doses of yesterday (higher dose than usual), and perhaps the suppository of lubricant goodness, combined with not crapping for five days prior, means that the shit explosions are just…..oozing, spattering, and smearing everywhere. We have gone through three pairs of underpants, infinite wipes (disposable, because our lovely cloth wipes are too few in number when each accident takes roughly 500 wipes), and half a pack of antiseptic wipes. We have only been awake three and a half hours.

The child in question says the poop is catching them by surprise. This child does not have experience with poop this soft, or pooping this often, and I think their bowel, body, and brain are going to need some time to get used to it. In the meantime, I’m going to go out on a limb and say I’m limiting things to two sachets of stool softener a day….otherwise we may never leave the house again. This must be what people who do traditional potty training experience. I have to say, we never did it with either kid and never had any poop accidents, ever, or pee accidents beyond the first two days. So I am sort of in shock.

The only positive is that the last horrific episode, while also destroying underpants, also concluded in the bathroom. So at least the child recognised the poop was coming out this time and ran for the bathroom. Of course, taking off your underpants while they are filled with gooey shit is an art that this kid has never had the opportunity to learn. So in addition to the amazing toilet picture I took and probably won’t post, my brain is forever branded with the images of soft poop spatters on every conceivable surface, both flesh and not.

Yum.

By the way, I may sound like I am complaining, but in a sick way I’m sort of enjoying myself.

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One Response to “The reason we are staying home today.”

  1. Jess Collingwood Says:

    I have to say – both John & I found this even more amusing than the BK incident. It’s beautiful (the stories, not the poo).

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