Party in the bathroom at 12:05 am.

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Holy shit. Woke around midnight thinking I’d wet myself somehow, but actually started my period. Spent a few very confused minutes in bathroom wondering how I could have peed myself when I didn’t need to pee that badly, but all was cleared when I wiped. Though I didn’t expect my period till next week. Not sure why, as today, the twelfth, is the day the computer says I start. My twenty nine day cycle never lets me down, kids. I’m clockwork.

But. I’m here freaking out in the middle of the night. I feel woefully unprepared for IVF. I don’t even totally know what is going on. I know I start the pill on day two or three, but then what? Do I need a scan this cycle? Will I have another period timed with TMD and the egg recipient to match our cycles? Does the clinic recall TMD can’t get pregnant before the end of September if we want halfway decent maternity leave for her?

Obviously the logical part of me knows I call them Monday morning and get answers to my sixty thousand questions. That, however, doesn’t help the suddenly wide awake me go to sleep. I keep thinking that last time we had IVF, I was an ideal weight, well researched, and very prepared. This time none of that is true. I feel like I am somehow dooming us to failure, whereas last time I was supremely self confident.

It also feels weird that we celebrated the third birthday of our fabulous kids, and then as soon as the clock strikes midnight, BAM. Onto baby number three thinking. Just….weird. That’s all.

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