Jo says: I’d like to see a paragraph on why David Hasselhoff is still big in Germany?

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This is mind blowing. Like, the best possible question.

Why? Because I cannot offer an answer. All I can see in my mind is this David Hasselhoff documentary (judge not lest ye be judged!) where he got off the plane in Germany and it was like he was God himself. Random people invited him to their wedding – or something – and he was mobbed.

And does anyone remember that car song??

Oh, I am screwing up big time. Okay, a paragraph. Here we go:

No. I can’t do it. But I just looked him up on wikipedia and GO LOOK AT THE PICTURE OF HIM. He LOOKS like my idea of a europop trashy German star. Check out the sunglasses that are functioning as a choker! The low cut neckline! And did you know he had German ancestry? I guess his surname should be a clue, but I didn’t realise.

And this question – I must admit, my mind keeps skipping merrily in the uncomfortable direction of Nazis and the ‘innocent’ German people and other horrible things. I have German friends (God, I hate when people say, ‘One of my best friends is black/gay/etc!’) and I don’t think I am innately prejudiced against them for their homeland’s past prejudice. I may have to rethink how I think about Germans.

Jo, my friend, you have rocked my world view.

But, my god, isn’t David Hasselhoff so slimy and sort of gross? He reminds me of my dad in some ways. Can you imagine being David’s child? Hoo boy. No, I can’t either.

David Hasselhoff still enjoys a modicum of popularity in Germany because, unknown to the general public, he runs an underground undergarment making factory. These undergarments are extraordinarily sought after in Germany and surrounding countries, because they are ideally suited for pop music clubbing. They light up in a glow stick fashion, and also give off pheromones. It has been suggested that Hasselhoff always wears these underpants, and that the pheromones are specially geared towards attracting those of German heritage. When questioned on the phenomenon, David always gives a knowing smile but offers no comment.

There. There is your paragraph of libel.

This post brought to you by my compelling desire to write, and complete inability to do so. Generous people have given me funny, thoughful, and factual suggestions for posts. Click here to see them, or add your own. I’ll work through them all in time.

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2 Responses to “Jo says: I’d like to see a paragraph on why David Hasselhoff is still big in Germany?”

  1. mamacrow Says:

    ‘jump in my car! i wanna ta-ake you home!’

    the Hoff is the best. You can’t argue with the Hoff.

  2. jo Says:

    Oh my days, how in heck did I miss this response? I thought I’d check back in and here it is hahaha.. Excellent piece 😀 the waft of Hasselhoff… BRILLIANT!!
    It’s not only the germans he’s offending now, its my home country of Wales, apparently he’s dating a welsh girl and keen to learn the national anthem *rolls eyes* we don’t need any other hipster wannabe’s. It’ll always be Tom for us…
    You’ve totally made my week 🙂

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