Some gnomes. And stuff, abbreviated.



Doorbell: ding dong

Me: hello

Neighbour: hi! I’m your neighbour from next door. How are you settling in?

Me: still trying to unpack.

Neighbour: your father in law has been taking junk to the tip for months.

Me: yes. There’s still a lot more that needs to go. *hearty laugh*

Neighbour: *even hardier laugh, before voice lowers in a confidential tone* Yes. I can believe it. I think he’s a bit of a hoarder.

Laughs all around, before I go back inside to stare blankly at the two long razors on the kitchen counter, the notebooks full of tiny handwriting, and the mysterious pieces of jagged plastic everywhere.

I did quite a bit of venting to TMD this morning. This is our house now, so why is about 45% (a conservative estimate) of our home being used as a closet for someone else? Storing stuff deemed not worthy to move to his new house, stuff he will never use while here, yet it is unable to be donated or pitched?

I may invite you all over. Give you each a trash bag. We can throw shit away for fifteen minutes every hour, and have a party the other 45.

In other news, I tripped over the cat last night and am having trouble walking. It is handy, because Snort has just vomited everywhere. You don’t need to be able to walk pain free in order to sit still, try to catch vomit in your hands, and get covered in what appears to be warm, stinky water.


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5 Responses to “Some gnomes. And stuff, abbreviated.”

  1. Lyssie Says:

    Those gnomes are creepier than ordinary garden gnomes which I never thought possible. Why is there so much sharp stuff everywhere? Does he not realise razors & jagged plastic aren’t a good combo with 2 toddlers running round.

  2. Bobbie Says:

    Do you think he’d notice if you just started tossing his precious things? Not all at once mind you but slowly clearing a drawer here, a cupboard there, all the sharp things laying about first? He can’t remember every tiny little thing that he’s holding onto can he?

  3. misericordia Says:

    Oh dear! His house sounds exactly like my father’s house. It’s gotten to the point that when I go visit him, we spend most of our time filling trash bags and going on innumerable trips to the recycling center. When I cleaned out his garage a few years back, I literally shoveled trash into bags with a big snow shovel.

    I doubt he would notice at all if you just tossed things. He might even be relieved, if he’s anything like my dad. If he notices something is gone, just tell him the gnomes took it in revenge for their dismemberment!

  4. pajamamommas Says:

    Wow, the puking seems entirely unfair, on top of all of the other things you’re dealing with. I guess it’s a plus if Snort is too busy throwing up to run around impaling himself on sharp objects? Hope you’re all feeling better soon.

  5. Jess Collingwood Says:

    Oh dear. Have just read out loud all the house-related entries to John. First of all, I love your writing. I just want you to know that. No one else I know can so eloquently describe sheer amounts of junk. I must say, we laughed quite a lot – which makes me feel bad as I know it’s torturous for you. Sorry. Also, he’s most definitely a hoarder. I could’ve told you that before the neighbour ever showed up.

    If any of this stuff is still remaining when we visit (hopefully not – for your sake!!), I will even provide the trash bags. Seriously. We will storm through, taking no headless gnomes as prisoners. Shall we hire a skip as well?

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