Ah, the game changes.


Just got off the phone from ‘our’ fertility clinic (please read entry I wrote about an hour ago for more details on my current TTC freak out!). I forgot how fucking nice IVF nurses are. We talked for a full half hour. And there’s been an interesting development.

Me: There’s no reason to think TMD won’t be fertile enough to share eggs, and my fertility might have changed, but is it a possible scenario for ME to donate half my eggs to an anonymous couple and the other half to TMD?

Nurse: Oh, yes. We do that all the time.


This changes the ballgame. There are huge advantages to that route, namely that it would be ME who had to have all the monitoring appointments and TMD wouldn’t need to miss work. I’m over my romantic views of pregnancy (for me, anyway, for TMD getting pregnant I would step up, folks!), and don’t feel any need to have TMD come along to any of the egg-making appointments.

Also, uh, passports. Last night TMD pointed out that a kid she had might be screwed for getting a passport from Country A. Now, the law HAS changed here. Babies conceived by IVF in a fertility clinic with two mums automatically get both mums listed on the original birth certificate. (This law changed four months after we conceived Snort and Coconut, thus TMD needing to adopt them. That is a whole different ongoing pain in my ass.) So if my name was on the birth certificate, would Country A give any kids TMD had an issuance of a foreign birth? And if so, they would get a passport.

Country A is not very gay friendly, but if it were MY eggs, perhaps there is some argument to be made in regards to TMD being a ‘surrogate’ carrier for ‘my’ child/children? This is where is sucks having an anonymous blog because I’d love to ask you all for info, but am aware some of you don’t know details. But let’s be honest. You can GUESS Country A, can’t you? Land of the free, home of the brave, hater of the gay, and all that?

So anyway. TMD has no idea when her last period was. (ARRRGH!! Ha. I am totally the boss of this motherfucking pregnancy, at least until she actually has a kid in there.) Our plan we are going forth with is immediately registering with a new doctor after we move and trying to get TMD an appointment next week, before she starts her new job. She needs an AMH blood test (costs 95, and results are given at the 295 appointment! Shite!) and if we can get it done free locally that is a huge bonus. This is the baseline test which checks her fertility – if it’s good enough to eggshare, we move forward. If it isn’t, I guess we get me tested.

My hormones are definitely changing. I’m back to being a crazy ass monster before my periods. This ended when I got pregnant and has been gone since giving birth. So hopefully the return of my I’m-going-to-fucking-KILL-you moods means my hormones are all geared up for babies. If needed.

I don’t know if we will go with TMD’s eggs or mine. All the advantages seem to be with going with me, fertility permitting, but we shall see. My new pal the nurse at the clinic is going to get in touch with the main branch (where we had Snort and Coconut created! miracle!) and see if there is sperm available from their donor. We’d like to use the same sperm donor.

But you know, if his swimmers weren’t available, I wouldn’t care.

I don’t care about what eggs are used. I don’t care about what sperm is used. Because none of that really matters. It’s hard to tell that to someone trying very hard to conceive their first child. They might be very invested in picking the ‘perfect’ donor. But I’ll tell you, these kids of ours? I love them.

I love them with blue eyes, I love them with brown eyes. I love them with curly light brown hair, I love them with wavy/straight white blonde hair. They are MY children, OUR children, and they would be our children even if they had been born to another woman on another continent.

Our children are our children, however they get to us.

And speaking of getting kids to us, I guess this whole fertility TTC thing will mean I am blogging endlessly about the subject again. So….either enjoy it, or I apologize, or something. Love you all.


Tags: , , , ,

5 Responses to “Ah, the game changes.”

  1. Lyssie Says:

    Not sure if this is correct but if TMD had the baby/babies you would legally be second parent on the birth certificate so that child could claim dual nationality for country A from you as they would from a biological father from country A? Or am I getting totally confused here?

    • me Says:

      Ah, I remember from Snort and Coconut’s Country A birth certificate application that it specificlaly said ‘natural’ parent and adoptive parents weren’t allowed. I think having two women on the birth certificate would fuck them up. And she WOULD be listed as the first parent. I do think I could argue that it’s my egg, though?? Don’t know.

  2. Bobbie Says:

    While we were doing the legal papers for our surrogacy (we’re in Country A and our IF’s are from London) the egg donor played zero part in any legal paperwork. She was basically a non entity in the legal aspect of anything. Country A considers the woman who gives birth to be the biological mother. I’m not sure how they would handle a case like this with you being the biological parent. I hope all goes well for you guys.

  3. pajamamommas Says:

    Wow, some exciting options to consider!
    And thanks for your words about the possibility of using a new donor. I have been terrified that the donor we used for kiddo #1 would be all gone by the time we were able to conceive kiddo #2. But lately I’ve been feeling much less panicked about that, based on reasoning similar to the one you describe.
    In terms of the legal implications of using your eggs, in TMD’s uterus, my understanding is that much of that varies from state to state. Given that you’re not living in any state, I have no idea what happens.

  4. Mel Says:

    I think it depends on the state, as different states are more family-friendly than others. A friend of mine married her wife a couple of years ago in MA, and last year they had a daughter. Her wife conceived with a sperm donor via IUI because harvesting her eggs and have her wife carry was prohibitively expensive for them.

    My friend ended up adopting her daughter, which was finalized a few months ago. They did this so that, no matter where in the country they moved, no one would ever be able to say that her daughter wasn’t hers. I’m glad the adoption was finalized, but I wish she didn’t have to do it in the first place.

    I would think that, once you legally adopted your children, they would automatically be able to get citizenship here regardless of whether or not they share any genetic material with you.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: