Follow up to the peeing-for-bribes post.


So two days ago I wrote about how I was trying to bribe my kids to pee with the use of chocolate. Chocolate buttons, to be specific. That day – the one I felt all pumped about – ended with my Steel Bladder Children not peeing. At all. From 8 am to 1 pm. At that point, each one was lying on a couch and starting to drift off.

A couple of hours later, she peed in a bucket full of toys. I was like, fuck this, my lovely child. Nappy back on. LAZY MAMA.

I’ve not been consistent. I’ve been totally child led….except when they want underpants and I’m like, NO DUDE. NO. Cause I’m the only parent in the universe who isn’t obsessed with potty training (except that I AM obsessed with thinking about it, just not following through). I’m like, you learned to walk and talk. You’ll learn to pee in a toilet, too. When you are ready. Because I am too faint of heart to be ready.

And then yesterday? We got home from storytime.  Coconut rips that nappy off again and skips around in glee. She also rips off her clothes.

A couple of hours later….she just sits on the fucking potty and unleashes a monsoon. I’m like, WHAT? What the hell? Are you willingly peeing on the potty?

‘Chocolate button!’ she says. I don’t even care that she’s peeing for chocolate…and then she keeps grinning and saying, ‘I did it! I did it, Mama!’

A couple of hours later…..a tiny drop. She gets chocolate. She says, ‘I’ll try again.’ And monsoon number two occurs!!!!

You hear me? Naked all day. No leaks, no puddles, no muss or fuss. Three small pieces of chocolate.


I think it will be a long time coming before she poops on the potty. I only hope she’ll ask for a nappy to poop rather than just holding it ….because let’s just say that pooping and Coconut, well, they aren’t on the best of terms. Apparently I was like this as a child too. And I grew out of it, but possibly only because I wanted to sit alone for hours in the bathroom and read so I could escape my crazy ass family.


Snort hasn’t cared about removing his nappy since that first day o’ bribery, and that is fine by me. I’d rather do this one at a time. I just sort of figured it would be the other way around, since he is gleeful about peeing and pooping on the toilet.

Coconut says:

dmmddddjjdd fhfggfdye b

Snort says:


Okay, folks. More later.


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