Snort calls spaghetti ‘sketti.’ He loves balls of all kinds. He also loves Elmo. How are these things related?
We have an Elmo DVD entitled ‘Kids Favourite Songs 2.’ It’s a bunch of kids and muppets singing a bunch of random songs; the common thread in the video is, though, a ‘sketti ball.’ Snuffleupagus begins the DVD by singing ‘On Top of Spaghetti’ (aCHOO, Snort says at the appropriate time). His giant ass sketti ball rolls off the table, and onto the floor. In fact, it rolls right out the door.
So, this sketti ball features in a few songs and sketches, rolling around and creating mayhem as sheep, bears, and Snuffy try to catch its wily meatball ass.
The finale – a truly dramatic moment – is when the giant sketti ball picks up speed and rolls RIGHT AT ELMO!! Holy shit!! Move, ELMO!! For the love of god, get out of the way of the skeetttttiiiii baaalllllll!!!!!
The kids like it. Snuffy steps in at the last moment and stomps on the ball, rendering it mushy.
Now, sketti ball. Snort randomly invented it. It began with a stuffed yellow dog from TMD’s childhood and two footballs. He makes me hold the yellow dog so I can make it scream and run away from the sketti balls (football!) that he pushes after it. Okay. He does proclaim that it has turned to mush if it gets too close to the dog, so I guess I have that fact to comfort me when I get freaked out by games involving repeated violence.
The game now also involves a one-eyed alien (eye monster) that goes, ‘Eee, Eee,’ instead of screaming. I have to hold the dog in one hand (AHHHHH!!!) and the eye monster in the other (eeeeeeee). Mayhem ensues.
Coconut invariably joins in, but she doesn’t do any pansy mush stuff. No, while Snort kisses the dog and lovingly invites it to eat the mush, Coconut screams like a fucking warrior and pushes the sketti ball over the dog with no mercy. He’s lying on his back saying, ‘Ahh! You’re smushing me!’ and she’s laughing like a manic.
This very specific routine happens a few times a day. Now it goes on with me making my arms into a hoop because Coconut asks for basketball (and Snort communicates quite clearly his sadness at having no high hoop in their room), and going ‘do do, do do do’ – I think it’s the Mission Impossible theme. After they throw heavy footballs at my chest for awhile, Snort then leaps and throws his body, head first, through the ‘hoop.’ Coconut does the same. AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN.
So. That’s where our routine is at now. It’s like a perfectly scripted play in which no one ever forgets their lines. The sketti ball/basketball game is so choreographed we could perform it every night to different audiences and the only way people would know it was a live show would be beacuse we were wearing different clothes.
I wonder how it will evolve. I hope it doesn’t involve another stuffed animal because contrary to popular belief, I only have two hands. Though my right arm is certainly getting longer from Snort yanking it as he asks me to come to his room for some sketti ball. If I try to put him off in any way he just begins to sob.
What can I say? We like PG rated violence. It’s exciting.