Ideal jobs for toddlers: poison taste testers for royalty.

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The first time it happened was when I had the genuis idea to combine several favourite foods into a new meal. Potatoes were loved by one kid, tolerated by the other. Hummous and salsa were both gobbled with abandon at any opportunity. TMD invented the jacket/baked potato with hummous and salsa years ago, so I knew how tasty it was. I was so excited to see their faces light up with love for the dish.

Instead, Snort looked at me like I was offering him dog shit smothered in cigarette ashes. Coconut wasn’t much better.

Oh, folks, the sheer falacy that if your kid likes A and B, then when you combine A and B into a new dish they will LOVE it. #incorrect #youfoolmother #whybothertrying

It happened this week again, with tortillas, shredded cheese, and black beans heated, rolled up, and then cut into smaller pieces. Oh HELL no. Beans and MELTED CHEESE? That shit ain’t right, Mama, how can you mess with our palates this way?

I tried again. Pizzadillas with a sprinkling of black beans. ‘Oh NO, beans!’ Snort exclaimed, picking each bean out and then shoving the rest of the thing in his mouth.

While baby led weaning has given them superb food handling skills, cutlery and glasses skills years beyond their age – I don’t know if it’s made them non-picky. Coconut WILL eat anything – if she tries something and doesn’t like it, she will just continue and continue to eat it, even if it means spitting it out after every bite. Snort, on the other hand, can tell the difference between the sodium-laced canned lentil soup (yum!) and the healthy organic homemade slow cooked lentil soup that looks and smells IDENTICAL to the canned stuff in one glance (poison! I will not try it!).

Bottom line: there is no point in me trying to be creative at this point. While it will result in the awesomeness of me having five spartan black bean burritos to myself,  it also means my kids end up starving.

Beans on toast? DELICIOUS. FEED US MORE. WE CANNOT GET ENOUGH.

Creative dish with added protein? WHORE. HOW DARE YOU? WE KICK DIRT ON YOUR EFFORTS.

Thus ends this public service announcement.

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3 Responses to “Ideal jobs for toddlers: poison taste testers for royalty.”

  1. mendylady Says:

    It doesn’t really cure picky eating. L is slooooooowly coming out of a months-long peanut butter (no jelly) sandwich fast.

    E? I can’t pass her beans fast enough.

  2. Sara Says:

    Raisins? YUM! Oatmeal? YUM! Raisins IN oatmeal? MAMA ARE YOU INSANE WHAT HAVE YOOOOOUUUU DDDOOONNNNEEEE?

  3. Christy Says:

    This is a awesome public service announcement. And we agree whole heatedly. Lily does the same thing, so I just keep trying.

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