The Mabon harvest I waited a lifetime for.

by

It’s Mabon, a time of harvesting. I woke up feeling really great, not realising it was the equinox. I was just crammed full of orangey light and goodwill and feeling really….um…..bountiful. I know, I know. I just embarassed you, I just embarrassed myself. Sorry about that.

I’ve been doing a lot of thinking lately; I think entering this little writing contest has changed my life. I know how that sounds, but listen: I’ve transformed from a painfully shy writer who wanted to puke at the idea of doing something like this, to feeling like I am happier, and more full, and more willing to do something like this in future. The genre (sorry to be non-specific, but am trying to avoid search engines. If you’ve clicked through to my entry, you’ll see the genre!) is a safe one for me. One I think is actually trickier to write than one would suppose.

It’s not my life dream, but it would be a dream day job.

This entry was safe for me, in a way. Something I wrote a year ago and never looked at since. I suppose that’s a risk because it was not polished, edited, etc – but for me, that was freeing. I think this contest was to trying to get published what NaNoWriMo is to trying to write. Just something to plunge into, to try, to experience.

And it’s a nice surprise to be doing well – in terms of feedback from other writers, from author mentors, etc. I’m happy.

But more than any feedback or ratings, it’s the sense of contentment that is changing me. I’d forgotten (had I ever known?) what it was to have a goal for myself, something that made me feel connected and powerful and HAPPY. Just that: happy.

I think about it at certain points in the day – as I do the dishes, cart small children to playgroup, get dressed in the morning. I’m a writer who is trying to move forward, who has something on the go, who is learning to take herself seriously. To respect myself enough to try to let go of 33 years of bullshit fear.

It really doesn’t get much better than that.

I tell my mother not to get her hopes up. I know I’m not going to win this contest; I feel I won’t make the next cut. Not to be defeatist, oh no, because my soul is feeling nourished and it’s filling up just fine. I don’t need to win a contest to know I want this feeling to keep going – this unbelieveable joy in being and trying and remembering/discovering myself.

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One Response to “The Mabon harvest I waited a lifetime for.”

  1. Skeet Says:

    I find that entry really inspiring. It makes me want to get off my ass and fulfill some dreams!

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