I did it.

by

I just submitted my entry to the writing comp. I pulled a synopsis and first chapter summary out of my ass. I made up a format that looked legible. I did it all without reading any of the other entries, because I didn’t want to freak myself out.

I am not puking into my lap. I am not shaking with nerves.

WHY?

After a life of thinking (and sometimes experiencing) a self that is deeply troubled, scared, exhilarated, and unable to share (non-blog) writing, I just fucking DID IT.

I am using a pen name. I forgot that I do plan to re-enter the counselling field at some point, so am playing it safe. The public will see my pen name, but the editors and judges will get my real contact info and name. I haven’t yet decided whether to ask any friends or blog readers to read my entry. People who register with the site can read entries, rate them, and offer critiques.

Of COURSE I want some sympathetic people to rate me five stars and leave stellar comments (at this point, none of the ratings or comments counts toward anything; judges/editors decide who moves forward. The comments are just for critical learning, testing the waters.) because even worse than the idea of negative comments is the idea of no comments at all.

Plus I need some bolstering.

I just don’t know if I only want feedback from strangers who don’t know me, and think my (fake) name is pretty……or if I want feedback from people who seem to matter more, because they KNOW me – through this blog or otherwise. Thoughts?

Hopefully my chapter will be approved tomorrow and up for public viewing before the weekend. I guess I’ll let you all know when that happens.

I think I am already learning, though. If you look at my last post (please, look how awesome our day was!), and imagine non-stop awesomeness with NO NAPPING FROM TWO TODDLER TWINS, you can imagine how fucking tired I am. Yes, emotionally I enjoyed eating pizza on my lawn at twilight, but physically I’m about ready to fall asleep in your willing arms.

And despite being as tired as it’s possible to be, as tired as I can be after three nights in a row of alarm clocks, ‘breathies’ (inhaler treatments), and screaming sad little boys, I am still able to do this. To focus. To try.

If I get nothing else from this contest, that may just be enough.

Advertisements

Tags:

2 Responses to “I did it.”

  1. mendylady Says:

    You are teh awesomeist!

    And I totally just made that word up, but that’s ok!

  2. Winnie Says:

    yay!!! I’m so excited for you! Congratulations on getting the nerve to submit! I know it was hard for you, and I am so proud of you for doing it 🙂

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s


%d bloggers like this: