Yes, you owe us. You owe us our backs, chilluns.


So. Injections. I’m cleared for discharge and waiting for TMD to pick me up. I’ve been told I’m not allowed to drive, cook, make important decisions, or sign any paperwork in the next twenty four hours. They didn’t prohibit phone-blogging, so here I am.

While I spent eternity waiting to go down to the operating theatre, I hung out with a bunch of (righteously cool) old ladies. Even all the magazines were for old ladies.

The one next to me had a bad back – SINCE THE BIRTH OF HER TWINS THIRTY SIX YEARS AGO.

Just as I make the joke that I’ve never met a twin mum who didn’t have her back destroyed by pregnancy, the other patient is like (paraphrased), ‘True dat, dawg. I’ve got five kids, and its my FIFTEEN YEAR OLD TWINS WHO JACKED UP MY BACK.’

Do you notice the pattern? All my homies getting pain injections for their backs are twin mums.

One of the older lady’s kids came to pick her up and we all jumped on her, telling her we all had twins and we were all cripples. I think we made her uncomfortable.

Oh well. La de freaking da. We’re all uncomfortable here.

(I’m on my period and have been naked – excepting hospital gown – all day. All hail reusable menstrual cups. I fucked up the first nurse bad when she asked for the date of my last period, realised I was still bleeding, and realised I was naked. She stammered and backed out of the room. I haven’t seen her since.)


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3 Responses to “Yes, you owe us. You owe us our backs, chilluns.”

  1. Christy Says:

    You know what’s funny (in a way) my Mom’s back is jacked up too and has been since she had my twin sisters.

    I’m glad you made it through the second set of injections.

  2. mamacrow Says:

    screaming with laughter over that nurse! Sheesh, you’d think she’d seen it all, all ready, was she a newbie or something?! xx

  3. Jessica Collingwood Says:

    I really, really wish there was a ‘like’ button for that last paragraph. Haha!

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