A Facebook Fairytale. (Or: How Facebook has saved my marriage.)


I always hear about people who hook up with their high school sweethearts on Facebook. People leave their marriages, people move across the country. Don’t get me wrong – I GET that first loves have a powerful hold on us. Is it because it’s our first experience of something that powerful, and we’re too young and stupid (bless us all) to realise it probably won’t last? I know I believed with every ounce of my being that relationship would last. So when it ends, there is bound to be a piece of two of your soul – or mind, whatever! – that wonders why it didn’t work.

It’s also a relationship uncomplicated by mortgages, kids (well, not always, granted), twenty years in a life where you are getting older and wondering if you’re any wiser.

I, too, felt The Longing to stalk my high school boyfriend on Facebook. Oh, he was just about perfect in my memory. We were just about soulmates.

And then one day it happened – HE friend requested ME. Oh, the heavens opened up, I texted my friend, the stalking was about to commence. I leapt over to his profile, and what did I see? A picture of him dressed in hunting gear surrounded by dead geese. Did you hear me? HUNTING GEAR. GUNS. DEAD BIRDS.

That shit squelched my inquisitive excitement quite a bit. So I kept looking. Saw pictures of two cute kids and an okay wife. And then MORE PICTURES OF DEAD ANIMALS. And then a bunch of pictures of him and his family sitting around, beers raised high and embarassing manly expressions of ‘hey, check us out with our awesome beers!’

And you know what I thought? Do you? I thought, ‘Oh, thank christ we broke up.’ Cause I’m not so down with the people who still live like they are in high school.( Or people who kill things, especially when they are designated killing places where animals are sedated and kept in corrals for your shooting pleasure). Come on, you’ve all seen the pictures of people with beer bellies and gently lined faces fucking playing cards in basements/garages with beer bongs in the background. And no, while that shit was never cool even back in high school, it’s about ten times less cool now.

I thank Facebook. I thank Facebook for allowing me a peek into the realistic life of this wonder boy I loved so hard and so long. Because THERE ARE DEAD BIRDS in a big pile and he’s sitting in them. In the dead birds! I can’t repeat it enough.

He later unfriended me, and despite the snowmobiling outfit pictures and boring status updates, I was still pissed. I do like to imagine his wife was jealous and did it without his knowing. Who knows. Maybe he’s sitting in front of his blog right now, writing about how his high school Great Love unfriended him. How sad he is, because she looked like a big ol’ slice of awesomeness in her pictures, and how lively her status updates were.

Maybe. It could be happening….I don’t think hunting season has started yet, so he has to do SOMETHING with his time.

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One Response to “A Facebook Fairytale. (Or: How Facebook has saved my marriage.)”

  1. Christy Says:

    Oh silly people and their need to kill helpless birds. I have been amazed at some of the people I went to high school with after meeting up with them again on FB. It’s eye opening.

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