So we’re in front of someone else’s house, and Snort grabs this little pot full of dirt that he is always attracted to. As I reach to help him set it back on the ground, he drops it and that shit flies everywhere. Mud-dirt EXPLODES, along with like 6 or 7 tiny bulbs. (I am no gardener, but the top of this pot is smaller than my hand. Can six bulbs really sprout?)
I’m there lamenting things, throwing the bulbs back in, scooping up mud-dirt with my bare hands while watching both kids to make sure no one is about to dash out in front of a car.
When I see her.
A woman with mermaid hair in a creepy black power suit. Just stood.
Yeah, she’s three or four houses down, just standing on someone’s front lawn (hers?)…..STARING AT ME. I flash her My Winning Smile, and there is no response. She’s like an evil judgmental statue lady.
I finish cramming mud-dirt into pot and there’s an awful lot still on the ground. So I brush it off their pavement onto the grass. (Is one supposed to leave a note in these circumstances?) Crazy Black Suit is still staring. She continues to stare for the ten minutes it takes me to corral and enthusiastically encourage Snort and Coconut to walk in the direction of our house.
Was she protecting other people’s vulnerable flowers? Why didn’t she laugh at my jokes about us sticking to killing our own flowers, not other people’s?
Why didn’t she ever move or acknowledge our presence?
I started thinking she was the social worker assigned to our adoption case – and how I was dressed either like a pauper, or like I was in a girl gang with bad fashion sense. Then I thought maybe she was a blog reader from Creepy Land and spying on me. Then I decided to just keep my voice perky and stop thinking about her.
But I couldn’t. We finally got back around the side of our building, and I swear to God I could still feel her eyes burning into my soul through the bricks.
Who was she? Were we really breaking the rules of convention so badly? Were my kids judged as feral street children due to all the dirt and leaves on their hands and clothes?
Who was the creepy business lady with mermaid hair?!?! Was it YOU?