I wrote half before he pooped, and half after. This equals a disjointed entry.


I think there’s not a single soul in the world who doesn’t know about the fact that one of my children pooped on my vagina yesterday. If you don’t know it, please read the previous entry. You won’t regret it. Well, maybe you will if you don’t like poop talk – but if you don’t like that, then why are you reading my blog?

The afternoon was rounded off nicely by another shit explosion. I didn’t realise until both kids were sitting at the table and I was bringing dinner out that, uh, ‘Batgirl’ had shat through her nappy, vest, trousers, and a coating of slimey poo was on her chair. Also that Snort crapped two seconds later, and….well, you know, he also sliced his chin open while falling. And she sliced her forehead open AND managed to hit herself on a wooden toy right on her eyebrow line, so her eyebrow appeared to be bright red and jutting out from her face in a monstrous sort of way.

Just a typical day.

But you know what ELSE happened? Coconut said ‘bye bye’!!!

Aside from ‘Mama,’ which she has been saying meaningfully for months now, it’s the only word she has said repeated times (that we understand, anyway, she is really taken saying ‘ba’, whatever the hell that is.) and obviously understands.

She said ‘bye bye’ and then waved her hand. I ran into the room. I said I was leaving, said bye bye, and her little voice rang out clear as a bell.

‘Bye bye!’ More waving.

I made her say it for the camera this morning, which was tricky as nothing was actually going bye bye, but she obviously decided to just humour me. I’ll maybe post that here. Because I know you are literally hanging on my kids’ every word, no?


Oh, the other thing that happened yesterday?

Snort woke up about 1:30 am in order to puke. According to TMD, he puked just like the lady in Little Britain, if you get that reference. If not, he puked like a scene from the Exorcist. We’re talking all over himself, all over TMD (who, sadly, was not naked – wouldn’t that have bookended the day nicely?), all over TMD’s bed, blankets, and the floor.

Apparently there is a gastrointestinal thing going around. Apparently my kids have it. Nice to think that while one is getting sick out the bottom, the other is getting sick out the top. It makes things lively.

Someone suggested I just sit them in an empty plastic paddling pool. Not a bad idea, not bad at all.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to try to make Snort walk or talk. I can’t believe Coconut has started walking this week, and getting more confident every day, and now she’s learned a new word!

Snort is catching on to all her party tricks, like holding things to his ear like a phone when I say, ‘Hello!’ Coco has started responding by saying ‘hello’ the way Scooby Doo might, so we don’t count it as a word.

All y’all who think your kid is all mega advanced and saying ‘dada,’ oh, the youthful naivety. Our kids both ‘said’ dada around 4 months maybe? Snort even progressed to ‘dad’ quite nicely. As our Health Visitor said, most babies begin babbling by saying ‘dada’, and our house was proof that it was meaningless babble!! She said she lets people keep their illusions, though.

I think we have swung the other way. Your words don’t count till you demonstrate clear understanding, excellent pronunciation, can spell them backwards, etc.  It helps if they can also fingerspell them in sign language and paint them on the walls in their own snot.

We have standards, people.

It’s funny. I think Snort beat Coconut to every major milestone by a few days (or weeks, in the case of crawling!), but in walking and talking she has reclaimed her own. I’m not too surprised. She’s wanted to be upright since she was tiny, and wanting to be walking for months now. She is also a very, very sociable baby – so I was starting to wonder where her words were.

I hope I remember what a miracle it is to hear her little voice sing-songing ‘bye bye’, and the wonder of her beginning to add words to her communication.

The temptation with twins is to compare the babies, but we try to resist it because every baby develops on their own timeline, at the speed right for them. While Coco spends all her time on her feet, Snort is busy zooming around and getting into crawlspaces that are only accessible to a baby on their knees. He’s no fool.

You want to get at the used tissues that missed the can in the corner? Crawl under the table and squeeze yourself round the corner to where The Mamas thought you could not get. Want to pick up old food from the floor and have yourself a snack? That shit ain’t happening if you’re walking – hell, you’re too tall to walk under the table.

He cruises when it suits him – grabbing things off the table, kissing the television, making his way stealthily to where I’ve stashed power cords on the corner of the couch. He can now get himself onto the couch, onto the low table – onto anything that requires climbing, actually. He’s waving, doing some serious talking (in his own language, but it’s very expressive – voice going up and down, stressing some ‘words,’ etc), walking like a champion with a walker or while holding on, and actually RUNNING on his hands and knees. He fucking canters, man.

He does not like his nose being wiped.

Coconut is a mama’s girl. She wants to be held a lot of the time, and when she isn’t stopping by for a cuddle she’s off exploring. Mostly on her feet, though hanging onto things a lot of the time still. Our floor is so cluttered with crap that both kids will be skilled walkers by virtue of the fact that they are fighting for floor space while holding their balance and moving forward!

Coconut loves her Bunny. She smiles at everyone she sees, sometimes waving. She likes to feed the babydoll, and she loves cars and trains.

Both kids seem to like reading over everything else. They are constantly holding up books to me. Coconut uses a very insistent little voice to demand to be read to. She’s starting to really interact with the books, and if you give her instructions like ‘put the blanket on Elmo’s head’ (surely a reasonable request) she’ll do it.

SHE LOVES DANCING. She sang before she talked. Hell, right now she’s dancing and singing and smiling at Snort. He’s blasting his way through their two beanbag chairs to stand up by The Allergy Couch and, presumably, look for used tissues or electricity.

So, we spend a lot of time reading (I make up my own stories to the pictures and find myself hilarious), having dance parties (Snort does an awesome headbang), and sleeping. We’re down to one long nap a day, and bizarrely during these past few sick days, they’ve slept for like 3 hours right after breakfast. *shrug*

Congrats if you’ve made it…



Coconut loves shaking her head back and forth. It makes her crap herself in glee. Snort’s doing it right now!!! He’s shaking his head wildly back and forth and laughing, and Coconut is SO HAPPY she may explode.

I just shook my head while making crazy jungle sounds, and they both ran at me. I had a kid at each knee, wildly shaking their heads back and forth and beaming.

God, they are cute.


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2 Responses to “I wrote half before he pooped, and half after. This equals a disjointed entry.”

  1. Shilo Says:

    Our kids have so many similarities!!! In the past day Ivy has started to walk about 80% of the time! Happened really quickly. It’s the cutest to watch. And the dancing, oh my lord – the girl has got style! hehe So awesome she said Bye Bye!

  2. Tia Says:

    how about you send me them & i’ll send you my baby when i have it, okay? 😀

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