Moving on, beyond labels.

by

Thank you.

I am humbled by the people who chose to share their stories and support here in the comments, and on twitter, and by email. It is more appreciated than you know.

I think the thing is – for me, anyway – so much of parenting is done in isolation. So I don’t have a basis for comparison, but I do have a fear of not being able to overcome my anger.

I was an angry, angry teenager. Most of the anger was directed at my father, but my mother got her fair share as well. As time went on – and especially after coming out and finding a community of loving, fun people at university – the anger slowly dissipated. Even my craziness over relationships (another entry, trust me) lessened, though I think my wife would be the first to tell you I was still suffering from trust issues when we got together.

She is a big reason why I am who I am. I know how that sounds, and I know I did a lot of the work and healing myself, but the truth remains: TMD has placed an indelible mark on my heart. She has gently taught me about love and trust and building a life together, and my blueprints of family and relationships and love have been forever altered because of her. She is not my rock, she is my stretchy, elastic, soft place that shapes to me and shapes me and is shaped by me.

So, anyway. Back to you.

Hearing your words has reminded me that I’m not the only parent to ever lose her cool. That we all have decisions to make about how we raise our children – and most of our decisions are ones I have loved and can see the benefit to my children. Snort was left whole and intact, Snort and Coconut sleep together and beside TMD and have never been left to cry in any situation – day or night, they were breastfed with love and my gigantic boobs and when that failed, they were held and cuddled during bottle feeds.

But more than any of those things I could say I am – bottle feeding lactivist (!), intactivist, attachment parenting person, natural mama – the things that somehow seem to matter the most are that I am willing to examine and explore myself. That means admitting to my mistakes and learning from them. I apologize to my children when it needs to be said, and I don’t hesitate to do so.

I love them fully and to the best of my ability, and as they enter this new phase of toddlerhood and testing boundaries, the new gift they give me is the chance to figure out discipline without it triggering anything for me. I want to redirect, re-engage, and renew my commitment to being a ‘good enough’ mother.

Because I am full up of imperfection, and somehow none of that matters. How could I learn, how could my children learn, if I was perfect and had nothing to model for them?

So: thank you.

Thank you reader, commenters, friends.  Thank you, TMD, for sharing our life and family and really making it something we are proud of. Thank you to myself – and all that comes with it – for not giving up.

Ever.

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One Response to “Moving on, beyond labels.”

  1. Christy Says:

    I love TMD for you.

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