Hope is a four letter word, too.

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Typing with one hand,  so this won’t be as fluent as it would with two. Though I have acquired the skill to type quite fast with one hand (thank you, motherhood), I still can’t keep up with my thoughts.

As I type, the bottoms of my trousers are wet from the grass. Both kids are sleeping, and we’re all on – where else – the couch. The patio door is wide open (in October! Gosh, living somehwhere truly temperate is nice sometimes) and I can hear the trees swishing in the wind, our chimes, the odd car on a faraway road.

We went to storytime this morning – thank god for the volunteer. She carried the babies to me so I could change them, pushed the buggy nice and slow as I hobbled along on crutches, and got people to help carry them in so I didn’t have to. When we got home she walked in circles in the garden till both Snort & Coconut were asleep.

Why is she doing this? Why am I on crutches?

Because it’s That Time Of The Month. Halfway through my cycle, just post ovulation. The magical time when all my PGP/SPD symptoms come back in full force and hang around till the blood flies again. I know it’s shocking every month, but this month with all the walking, my symptoms in the first half of the month were essentially gone. Gone.

For the first time in, well, ever, rather than feeling hopeless and depressed at the return to semi-immobility, I just feel more determined. And hope is still there. Hope that if the first half of the month was so good, maybe the second half won’t be so bad.

I feel hope because I had help to get us out and about this morning, because we just booked a family holiday (and this morning I did period math and hopefully – fingers crossed – this holiday falls in a good part of the month), because I have been walking and losing weight. Hope because I ordered FitFlops, hope because the sun is shining and that feels like a little miracle.

But mostly, hope because of you. Because I know someone, somewhere is reading these words and having a reaction, even if they never tell me so. Hope because that makes me feel connected, and like I can do this.

I can pick myself back up every month, and I can do this.

I can, and I will.

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6 Responses to “Hope is a four letter word, too.”

  1. Karen Says:

    That’s great that the beginning of the month was better for you. I’m going to hope right along with you that the rest is better as well. You’re doing great – keep going!

  2. Katie B. Says:

  3. Dominic Says:

    You also need to tag PMA – Positive Mental Attitude.

    http://www.route-one.net – read this weeks issue btw 🙂 Page 4

  4. Winnie Says:

    Have you considered getting on birth control to help with your symptoms?

  5. Shilo Says:

    You can bet your ass you will! So proud of you hun xxx

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