Debbie downer.


Wanted to write a post about The Cuteness, and will do that later today if time permits, but for now it’s enough for me to say I’m crying.

The pain is still so bad, oh so bad. We were going to go to playgroup this morning as a friend was coming up from the city, and I thought I could do it with another mummy friend there. She’s cancelled, so I don’t think I’m going to go as I really am in terrible pain.

Feeling like a hellishly shit mother, it has to be said. Thirteen months old and I’ve only taken them out once on my own.


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18 Responses to “Debbie downer.”

  1. Winnie Says:

    You are a WONDERFUL mother. With every passing day, you’re getting closer and closer to being able to chase after them as they grow up. I’m sending you lots of positive vibes right now so that they can get through the pain and cheer you up!

  2. Violetsouffle Says:

    You my dearie will NEVAR be a shut mother. Sometimes things suck. You being in pain SUCKS. But you are not a shot mother. And stop telling yourself you are because some day THEY will be in a temper and tell you that you are. It still won’t be true but you’ll look back on this and say “I should not have been so hard on myself back then…”

  3. Natasha Says:

    You are the BEST mother your babies could ever have! You don’t need to take them out to be a good mum! I know plenty of mums go to the soft play / play groups and just let their kids get on with it while they have a cup of tea and ignore them for a good few hours! At least at home with them you are engaging them and spending time with them!

    Is your play group on ever Thursday? If you want someone to go with you let me know and I’ll look at my diary and see if I have any free Thursday’s coming up šŸ™‚

    • existere Says:

      Yes! 9:30 – 11.

      • Natasha Says:

        Ouch! Early start haha

        When I get my car back (inbuilt satnav – I’m driving a hire care at the moment and it doesn’t have one) I’ll have a proper think about it šŸ™‚

        • existere Says:

          Ha – you don’t have to come for playgroup. That’s hella early for you.

          But you can come whenever, seriously. We aren’t axe murderers, and I don’t think you are, either. I hope not, anyway.

          • Natasha Says:

            That made me giggle. I met DH on the internet and when I first went to Birmingham to stay with him, my mum and my sister joked that he might be an axe-weilding, murderous cripple!

            (PS: I hope there’s no offence at the ‘c’ world being used – I’m so used to it being tossed about flippantly by my hubby who is actually in a wheelchair, that I forget it is socially considered unacceptable….)

            PPS: I think you’re only about 2 hours away from me, which would mean leaving at 7. That’s not too early šŸ™‚ Correct me if I’m wrong, though because leaving any earlier than 6am really is a bit extreme, even for me.

          • existere Says:

            Dude, I don’t know how long it takes! What do you think I am, a sat nav?!? Ha.

            We use the c-word round here, too. Maybe it’s like the word ‘queer’ – gay people reclaiming it and so it’s okay. And ‘cripple’ is the way we reclaim ….oh, nevermind. We are in bad taste, but so are you. Neither family is alone in our shocking impropriety.

  4. Natasha Says:

    Just realised that I put my email address in as a website! Oops!

  5. Gnome Says:

    Sorry you are having a bad time. Feelings of guilt and being a failure sadly come with the territory of illness/disability. It doesn’t mean they’re true

    • existere Says:

      Yes, and I think with the territory of parenting, too. It’s a tricky minefield – but you are right. Not necessarily true. I hate that I added ‘necessarily’ but it feels that way today.

      • Gnome Says:

        I guess if you *were* a bad parent, you wouldn’t be feeling guilty. So your guilt just proves itself invalid!
        Ah, so easy to say it to someone else.

  6. Natasha Says:

    Hubby reckons that you’re about an hour and a half away, but as it’s over rush hour I’d have to leave a little earlier. I’ll let you know when I get my car back (with all important satnav – I’m lost without it!) and maybe we can arrange a thursday to go to play group together? Mind you, will they be okay with me going to play group as I’m not from the area? If not then I’d love to go šŸ™‚

    • existere Says:

      They don’t keep track of where you are from. There is no human sat nav tracker there!

      • Natasha Says:

        Is it run by surestart? Over here we have to ‘sign in’ to any groups and that includes putting in your house number and post code! Put that into a sat nav and they’d have exact directions to my house šŸ˜®

        That’s cool. I just wanted to make sure it wasn’t a local group for local people šŸ™‚

        • existere Says:

          It is surestart. You sign in with names for fire safety purposes, I think, plus whether you want tea or coffee. Like I can have a hot drink with twins. *eye roll* I don’t THINK we put address in?

  7. Lara Says:

    I feel like a shit mother because I always take my kid out – I can’t deal with him at home, the four walls close in. You sound like a wonderful mum to me!

    • Natasha Says:

      I get like this, too. I sometimes feel crazy if I stay inside all day, so end up slinging them up / bundling them into car seats and just GOING. The motion of walking or the car tends to keep the twins happy and Anna loves pointing things out to me whether walking or driving so while I get a break my girls are still having a good time.

      Some weeks I stay in but it makes me feel lousy by the end of the day – exhausted and slightly down for no reason that I could put my finger on – so a lot of the time I find baby groups to go to / just wander aimlessly around town / take them to the zoo or soft play, just to get out of the house and feel like I’m not on active mum duty every second, even though, of course I still am.

      But when the kids are occupied and not relying on me for attention / cuddles / feeding for what feels like every second of the day (because they’re getting stimulation from the different environments around them) I feel it takes some of the pressure of and I don’t feel so intensely that it just me and three babies!

      At home I’m so aware of their dependency on me. Anna always always wants cuddles or a book reading, or a juice, or to do a puzzle with me, or to show me a new dance she’s learnt, or just for me to give her every single bitty bit of my attention, well, of ME really, and I feel just rotten when I have to constantly say, “In a minute…” because I’m busy with the twins. Tbh, by the end of the day I feel like all I do is breastfeed the twins sometimes because when we are home they do want to feed THAT much more. God now I really do sound like a shit mother!

      I’m not complaining about their dependency on me. I expect it and accept it and I really do love having them to look after (although I’m sure I now don’t sound like it!) I’m just saying that when we’re out and about and more occupied, I dont’ recognise their dependency so much, and while the twins are slinged up, it gives me more freedoem to devote my attention to my two year old. Or if I take them to soft play, Anna gets to play on the activities and has a great time doing that and while she is I can have a cup of tea and spend time being silly with my youngest two.

      I also get depressed by the amount of mess that is generated by my babies while we are inside. In 50 seconds flat my 2 year old can have every toy out and every draw emptied over the floor, and every bit of food off her plate onto the floor etc etc etc, so I find it easier to cope with the housework if I get the place straight in the morning and then go out and don’t come home until it’s time to make dinner and hubby will be getting home, so I KNOW the house will be tidy when he gets in from work.

      Of course sometimes it is nice to stay home and play and snuggle, but if I find myself doing this every day I soon start itching to go out – not for my babies’ sakes, but for ME!

      Cor, I sound like I hate my life! I don’t. I love it :/ I’m not sure why when I read this back it sounds so negative and like I can’t stand my children. I guess I’m saying that if I let things get on top of me I can start to feel a bit down with it all, but I find ways to avoid that and for me, that means going out every day to make my own life easier.

      So Existere, I take my hat off to you being indoors with your two every day, because if I did that I think I’d be going stirr crazy by now.

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