Twins: it only gets hard once they turn one?

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Hi, it’s me. You know, the twin mom who is always spouting off about how taking care of twins really isn’t that bad. Turns out I was wrong, and right.

The first year when we were inside the house together, hanging out? Easy as motherfucking pie. Now that we’re thinking of going out more? Woah.

TMD had last Wednesday – Friday off in honour of their birthday. We did more ‘baby stuff’ with them in that week than in the months previous. And only once I had a few minutes alone with them in public, coupled with plenty of time with both of us with them, did I stop to think, ‘Okay. Twins are hard. I don’t know if I can do “alone in public” with them.’

First stop was soft play – aka a club for babies. Booming loud music and creepily dim (wtf)….coupled with big kids running all over the fucking place with no regard for the fact that babies were on the floor. Coconut instantly took off crawling after some big kids. Snort took a little longer to warm up, but they didn’t spend a whole lot of time together. Basically, we needed to play the field one-to-one in order to prevent serious injury …. and even with me right next to Coco, at one point a big kid stepped on her foot and smashed her in the face with a padded thingamajig.

So…taking them to soft play on my own? I don’t know, dude. Soft play was so rough that it reminded me of those weird no rules biting, face smashing fights with men in cages.

We also tried Baby Rhyme Time at the library….or C&C Creepy Factory, as I’ve dubbed it. Cult like parents brightly singing screwy songs to their non-blinking babies aside, it was another wowser of a trip. Snort took off into the middle of the group. I think TMD was embarassed because the other parents were restraining their kids (whereas I’m like, let him crawl around in the middle. Who cares?!?), so she kept getting up to bring him back to us.

Then he took off towards the books. Thankfully we were in the Children’s Library and he was pretty much hemmed in by the crush of parents and babies, but he still managed to crawl underneath shelves and other people’s strollers to create a well defended blockade against anyone attempting to grab him.

Finally things evened out, with him standing by the shelves perusing books. Coconut was quite happy to sit on my lap or near me and broker trades with neighboring babies. She took a rattle from one kid and handed it to another. Then she started crawling up and looking at the guy sitting in front of me (Mr. Rudey McRuderson), or the lady next to us, or…

Not sure how practical the creepy factory is with one of me and two of them, but I would give it a go on my own as at least it’s all young toddlers and babies and adults who are aware of not stepping on said babies. Once it was over, of course both took off into the main library, in opposite directions, and other parents actually had to restrain Snort from throwing himself down the stairs.

After rhyme time, I took them across the street into the little park while TMD ran back to the car to get our lunch. I plopped them on the grass and they instantly began crawling in opposite directions. In the amount of time it took me to think, ‘What do I do now?’ Snort had run-crawled across the entire thing and was exploring the hedge in the middle, crawling along it and almost out of sight….and of course covered in muck.

Coconut was crawling in the other direction, much slower, but near the path where strangers were walking. My executive decision was to scoop her up and then ‘run’ towards Snort – we may have all got covered in dirt (my boobs and bra were mysteriously filled with the stuff), but at least I could see them both and keep them away from potential baby snatching bogeymen.

Once the food was out they were happy to stay in one place, but all it takes is about 30 seconds to have widespread baby dispersal.

Even the back garden is cause for weary concern at this point. Snort more often than not takes off around the curve at the bottom and either shoves acorns in his mouth, takes off for the nextdoor building, or tries to crawl into the mess of weeds and plants – and if he got in there, I honestly don’t know how I’d get him out. Coconut is usually slow to follow him, though she always does…but earlier this week I caught her putting something in her mouth and ran for her (because, oh yeah, our garden is also populated with wild mushrooms and poison berries), but it was a LADYBUG. Dead, by the time I screamed and pulled it out of her mouth.

This Thursday I’m taking them to playgroup. Wish me luck.

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6 Responses to “Twins: it only gets hard once they turn one?”

  1. The Barreness Says:

    Gah, I’m glad someone else feels that Rhyme Time is a slightly cult-like experience. Plus you get those dreadful earworms – “Open shut them, open shut them…” I eschew this in favour of praming our way around to my iPhone on shuffle (yeah I’m the crazy lady singing along to Stevie Wonder and The Black Eyed Peas in the street). Jeebus, though I don’t know how you handle two by yourself. How much longer before they start to gang up on you??

  2. Christina Says:

    I totally agree about the 2nd year with twins being much harder. Ours are nearly 15 months (B/G also), and for the first year we kept thinking, “why does everyone say this is so hard??”. But oh boy, once Wake got walking and Leah decided to fall and bruise her face on a daily basis, things changed….

  3. Katie B. Says:

    One toddler is hard enough. I *really* don’t want to think about having to cope with two.

    If I was blessed with them, I’d figure it out, but… I’m glad E is a singleton. I’ll still have two toddlers, but at least L will be big enough to “help”.

  4. Joni Rae Says:

    OH EM GEE. I can’t imagine trying to chase after TWO Coopers going in opposite directions. Props to you mama.

  5. boo Says:

    lordy yes, one is trouble enough! and as for rhyme time, well minky likes all kinds of music and i’m not sure that either her or me consider the delights of “teddy bear” with it’s lack of tune and monotone crapness to be music at all. anyway, we live in the land of MCM (middle class mum) and there’s a whole heap of discussion going on about what shade of teal suits little dominic best. as we is grubs, we stay well out of it, fighting back the urge to do harmonies to ol’ macdonald and not swear too much.
    as for the lady bird, she’ll only do it once, they taste nasty. good luck with it all, i suspect we both need it.

  6. Jess Says:

    Oh wow, my dear! What a handful! There’s a woman with identical twin girls in my Mothers Group. They’ve just started flipping onto their tummies every time she puts them on their back. The other day she fell asleep for 30mins on the couch. She woke up to find them at opposite ends of the room, both butting their heads up against the wall! 😛

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