House of peanut butter pain.


Fuck a duck, I’m as stupid as a donkey with no brain.

‘Waaahooo, they’re one! Time for peanut butter!’ To my credit, I did only give the smallest amount imaginable – probably a couple of grams each.

Snort went into a hardcore coughing fit and was covered in hives within seconds. It’s been an hour and Coconut is now getting hives.

As his NASTY hive reaction cleared up pretty quickly, I called the helpline for an assessment to see whether we really needed to go into the emergency room….again. We’ve been told to watch for ‘altered states of consciousness’ and/or ‘breathing problems’ and if either crops up to call an ambulance instantly.

While I was on the phone with the guy doing the assessment, I grabbed a hot rack out of the oven with my bare fucking hands and screamed. He dryly asked if I wanted an assessment for my blistering burn.

I can’t really type more now as my fingers are covered in blisters. But Snort’s hands, wrists, and face are calming down. Coconut only got one hive spot on her forehead, and is rashy around her mouth. TMD is home sick (and fucking PISSED at me about this peanut butter bullshit – she’s out at the pharmacy now getting antihistamines instead of sleeping off her sickness. Her ass NEVER calls in sick so you know she’s bad).

The best part? I picked today to make them skip their morning nap and try to just have an early afternoon nap – one nap a day. All the extra whining goes really well with trying to see if Snort’s tongue is swollen and looking to see if his eyes are going yellow.


Snort – cut his gums, bit through tongue, slashed open his chin, eye infection, covered in bruises from falls, and now a fucking massive allergic reaction to peanut butter …which, I’m told, he should not have again until he is school age.

Coconut – tore her frenulum, bit through her tongue, split her lip, covered in bruises from falls, probable reaction to peanut butter (first food she’s ever reacted to)

Me – poured boiling water down my stomach, Coco’s head bashed into my nose (it’s been broken multiple times in past), burned fingers. All my things happened in the last three days.

TMD – weird all over body aching, terrible cold, possible flu


Now, if you’ll excuse me, Coco almost just threw up from the apparently horrible taste of the antihistamine. I’ve got to watch them both closely to make sure, y’know, they don’t go into anapylactic shock. Anyone know when we re-enter a safety non-worrying zone? I also have to coat them both in peanut repellent as a second exposure is more serious than the first.

Today, I am a parentfail and a wifefail.


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5 Responses to “House of peanut butter pain.”

  1. Sylkozakur Says:

    Oh my goodness! What a month! Hope you get to just relax. There are a lot of peanut allergy products like shirts for babysitters thatbsay “no nuts” & things like that.

  2. catsandcradles Says:

    If it makes you feel any better A), you can’t know they’ll react to something until they try it, and B) it’s not like you gave them peanut butter as newborns or anything. Also, as far as the getting banged up part goes, C) they’re getting to the stage where they’re more mobile, and that involves a lot more getting bumps and bruises. It just does.

    I do hope that everyone (including you and TMD) feel better soon, though!

  3. Amanda Says:

    Yikes! I remember the first time L had dairy. He was six months (doh! I didn’t know anything about what foods to avoid). I was eating a yoghurt and he was going mad to try some. I dipped the end of my finger in and let him lick it then went back to chatting with my sister. 30 seconds later I looked over and he was ABSOLUTELY COVERED in hives. *everywhere* He was scratching and screaming. Oh my god it was awful. He’s still very allergic to dairy at 26 months. :/ Allergies and babies/toddlers are not fun at all. 😦

    Oh, I also remember at 5 months my (horrible) Health Visitor told me to give Louis a small spoonful of peanut butter to give him protein and fats because as I am vegetarian my milk would obviously be lacking. :O

  4. Katie B. Says:

    Hmmm… welcome to parenting?

    I’m grateful that L is an “easy” model. From yesterday’s NONFREAKINGSTOP acrobatics, I’m beginning to think E might not be. So I’ll be following closely for coping mechanisms.

  5. @Aaronfatherfolk Says:

    Wow, my mother is the only other person I have ever heard say “fuck a duck” in my 31 years. She NEVER swore, but when she had to it was “fuck a duck”. I hope writing about your tough day was cathartic, and that things are sweeter for you and snort now.

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