I’ll stop doing this in public when they are old enough to be embarassed by me.


Today we drove over an hour to go pick out the next stage carseats. We’ve bought bigguns that can be rear or forward facing, and we certainly plan to keep them rear facing as long as possible! These seats last till age 6, so that’s us set until we need booster seats. Expensive mofos, but at least we got a 10% discount on account of the whole twin thing.

Of course no daytrip is complete without a picnic lunch. Which, for us, means finding a beautiful park with giant lakes, rivers, and forests….that we couldn’t go near because of the whole non-walking thing. So we went a bit away from the carpark and had a lovely lunch on some grass.

Perfect weather, dude. Not too hot, and totally cloudy with a slight breeze. I am all about the cloud cover now that we’ve got kids.

All of that is just the preamble, though.

What I really came here to tell you is that I went pee in public. Very nearish this carpark, and in full view of both sides (though with a bit of scrub to block my ass from the sidewalk) of a fairly busy path leading from the carpark to the part.

I didn’t pull my underwear down a la traditional lady peeing. I pulled the crotch over (the bathing suit maneuver, dontcha know), lifted my skirt, and went like a freakin’ racehorse. I swear to you I don’t think I could have stopped, even if park wardens had appeared and were running at me with little pieces of paper stamped with a huge fine.

I made up a pretend story of telling the pretend park rangers I was pregnant and couldn’t wait, even as my pee released the pungent smells of the pine needles and moss below me.

Pee pee pee pee pee.

I handed TMD the camera before I went, but she didn’t take any pictures. Killjoy. I made her take a picture of me after the deed was done, standing next to The Spot and pointing to it. If you are my facebook friend, no doubt I will upload this picture with no explanation sometime soon – but you will know the secret truth.

My mother has never had qualms about peeing in public. And you know what? It was liberating. My bladder and state of mind both thanked me, and it allowed me to enjoy the remainder of the picnic in comfort.

So as far as days go, the whole peeing in public thing made this one pretty good. (As did Snort giving me SIX sloppy kisses in a row in the park and playing dollies with Coconut for the first time ever this morning!) Of course, I did tell TMD I would ‘rip her fucking face off’ if the fact that she neglected to give me the new card that we carry around to prove we belong to a multiple births national association that gives us discounts would mean we had to pay full price. And she told me to stop ‘acting like a fucking idiot’ for some reason I do not recall.

Elmo, who was in the front seat, told us both that we were being mean and he did not like it. TMD told him he should close his mouth until he learns a little bit more about menstrual cycles and how they make people jerks, and Elmo told her he knows about them because blood is red and so is he.

So. This was our day.


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One Response to “I’ll stop doing this in public when they are old enough to be embarassed by me.”

  1. Shilo Says:

    I am reminded of the time I had to pee on a very long road trip. We were way way out in the bush somewhere (yep, bush – we’re talking Australian outback here) and as I stepped out of the car to find a nice looking spot to relieve myself, I had a really strong feeling there was going to be a snake in the bushes where I was about to pee. Thinking I was being utterly retarted and overly paranoid, I continued into the bush and jussst as I was pulling my pants down what did I see…….. a fucking King Brown snake! Only the worlds 2nd deadliest snake….

    There is now an emergency bucket in the car for future trips.

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