WTF is wrong with me? Seriously. No, really.


Oh, thank you all so much for the excellent suggestions and support regarding my little sleeping problem. I’m going to tell you about last night in the hopes that I get some support today, because honestly? Not sure how I will get through the day.

So you know Saturday we went into town. I walked farther than I have since I was, oh, probably about 18 weeks pregnant. I walked and walked. We were super tired when we got in, I admit to going to bed early, and then woke up at 1:30 Sunday morning and never got back to sleep.

Then last night happened. Again, we went for a walk (through Toys R Us, but a walk is a walk , damnit!) that was much longer than I am used to. We got home and I was happy – physical exercise, I stayed up till much later, etc.

I stopped being happy around 1:30 am, when I stumbled into the lounge to cry to TMD about the fact that I had not yet been asleep. Yes, 24 hours of Awake! had happened.

An hour later I was whisper-yelling at her, lying in the doorway of our room on the floor, trying desperately to get some of the breeze from the fan. I also tried in front of the patio door, sitting up face against our wardrobe, etc etc. I was a fucking maniac. I don’t know how many of you know, but I did have a problem with self-harming for a short while when I was much younger – and I tell you, I was thinking about it last night.

I was SO BEYOND TIRED that I could not think straight. I had periods of rage, of sobbing hopelessly, of just lying there.

We finally put me back in our room, door shut, windows wide open.

I figure I got about, oh, an hour of sleep – if that – before the babies both woke up. I selfishly (?) stayed in bed, and possibly got another half hour or hour of sleep after that.

TMD is working late tonight.

So let’s recap: I’ve had 1.5 hours of sleep in like 36 hours. I don’t know how I can cope on that. It’s not like when they were newborns. We get to no sleep back then, but somehow as soon as it was daytime my body and brain kicked me into gear. I seem to have outgrown that coping mechanism of new mothers, because honey, Mama tired.

I’ve just erected the HUGE pop up tent in our lounge and thrown a bunch of toys in it. I think this may be my playpen for feral children. When it stops working, I will take the tent down and put up the pop up tunnel. I hope and pray I don’t fall asleep today, because Snort keeps trying to pull plugs out of the wall (the reason the tent is up, to distract him from the plugs as I’m so sore from the weekend of walking and no sleep that I am moving all stiffly like a robot and it’s hard to pull him out from under the table where the best plugs are*) and I’m worried I could fall asleep so deeply that they could get hurt.

Then again, y’know, why am I worried? I apparently don’t sleep anymore. Good thing the sky is overcast, because I clearly belong to the legion of the undead. If it were sunny, I would risk outing myself by my shining diamond skin or my skin bursting into flames, depending on which vampire ‘lore’ camp you fall into.

*I’m so tired run on sentences are my friend. **

**And apparently I put footnotes  the body of the entry, rather than at the end of it. I am a grammar nazi, so this indicates some level of my level of tired.

So. Perversely, tips on staying awake? I’d like to end this entry with a laugh, but I don’t think I can.


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9 Responses to “WTF is wrong with me? Seriously. No, really.”

  1. Matt Says:

    Well I’ve found that small doses of regular adrenalin can help keep oneself perky. Hence, load up some random trailers for horror films from Youtube and when you feel yourself getting tired just watch a couple.

    Also? Don’t stop. Like, if you keep moving all day you’ll be fine and stuff. As soon as you stop to take a breather? You could fall unconscious. And then those plugs will be everywhere.

    So, to re-cap:

    ->Don’t stop, never give up, hold your head high and reach the top; and,
    -> Also, dance music may help wear the bebehs out forward slash keep you going.

    • existere Says:

      All of these sound reasonable and intelligent. I will try them, though would prefer to just put some Michael Myers Halloween goodness on tv, but I think that might scar the babies for life. Then again, I am scarred from his scary and terrifying self, and I’m pretty much okay…

  2. Haven Says:

    I (unfortunately) don’t have any suggestions, but I’ve been in your situation many times before. I have really bad insomnia, and have seriously gone close to 80 hours without more than maybe an hour of sleep. It’s rotten, and I wouldn’t wish it for anyone. *hugs*

    • existere Says:

      80 hours?? How do you stay sane???

      God, I wish I could find a miracle cure for me, but now I’m sort of wishing I could find it for YOU instead. *hug*

  3. Lara Says:

    Any chance you can nap when they nap?

    • existere Says:

      Was gonna try today but their first nap bizarrely was not tandem! Fingers crossed for nap number two, though not sure I’ll be able to sleep, but at least I can just sit and drool!!

  4. Sarah Says:

    I got nothing. I just hope you are able to zonk out soon.

  5. P.S. House Says:

    Oh my. Any chance someone could do a playdate with you? That would keep you awake until nighttime when surely (??) you will sleep and wear the lo’s out too!

  6. Katie B. Says:

    Food and showers.

    My hardcore gamer friends (ok, I’m a gamer too, but I can’t not sleep anymore) like to avoid sleep at conventions as much as possible. Their solution, aside from tons of caffeine, is to eat and shower regularly; this doesn’t replace sleep, but it does help refresh you enough to keep going until you can.

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