Getting wet for all the wrong reasons.


I was just holding Coconut – she was straddling my lap, facing me. I felt this sort of warm trickle on my legs, realized her hands were near her nappy line (like a bikini line, except for baby girls) and thought I was getting peed on. I thought she was pulling her diaper aside and just peeing freely on her mother, the lamppost. Marking her territory or something.

I lifted her up to see if she was peeing, feel my legs (dry), etc and she somehow fucking ninja cartwheeled away from me, spinning over my forearm and flipping through the air, falling to the ground in a graceful heap. `She looked up at me with a perfectly calm expression – and of course I was like, ooh, this is confirmation she should be a gymnast. She’s short, strong, and unflappable when flying through the air!

I then noticed my shirt was soaked. I smelled it. Not a pee smell. (I think she has peed on her own shirts in past and they’ve not smelled like pee, either, if that’s important to the ‘story.’) Then I realised my shorts were soaked through. And my underwear.

So I’m bent in half sniffed myself, going, Is it pee? What the fuck? I’m covered in something wet, I know I didn’t pee myself, is this sweat or something? How could I have only sweated this bad where her crotch was touching me? That’s never happened before.

I don’t know if I am so confused due to my complete cessation of sleeping (please see post I wrote about an hour ago) or because this is a genuine mystery. Either way, I’m leaving on my soaking wet clothes because, well, that’s how I roll. I’ve had worse than a little bit of pee on me in the last 11 months, I can tell you that much. (They were 11 months yesterday. Yikes and Wow!!)

All I know is that I’m tired enough that this seems sort of important. I’ve squeezed her nappy and it is suspiciously dry, whilst her brother’s is bursting. I need me a magnifying glass and a theme tune, bitches!!!!

Oh, I’m tired. But I really want to document this ninja-pee-escapade for some reason. Don’t judge.


5 Responses to “Getting wet for all the wrong reasons.”

  1. Matt Says:

    *Clearly* not only did the invisible ninja bebeh of peeingness get pee all over you, but their high-water diet made it so the urea content was so low that there was no smell!


    Or something.

  2. Lara Says:

    I’m agreeing with Matt – non pee smelling pee seems most likely!

    • existere Says:

      Makes me feel guilty for the times Coco’s shirt was wet and I didn’t immediately change her because I didn’t know what it was. Jesus, what did I think? Ecotoplasm??

      • Lara Says:

        haha. it’s not really that big a deal, I wouldn’t worry about it.

        My kids are constantly covered in food and drool. A little non smelling pee seems less gross 😉

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