The one where I use the melody of two songs, but lose my mind at the same time.

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Me so tired. Oh, oh, me so tiiiired. (Can you hear the music backing this?? I had to change the words cause let me tell you, ‘horny’ is something that is much less attractive than sleep these days).

Me: You remember when I said a few days ago that perhaps nights are hell now because he is going to learn to stand?

TMD: And now that he is, you feel vindicated?

So….today.

I haven’t left our tiny little claustrophobic flat in weeks, and today was a banner day. Imma be incoherent, here, because I am so tired (oh, me so tired, oh oh, me so tired…me sleepy looong time!).

We went into town and had lunch at The Hut. This was our first time all properly eating out together, as they’ve only been to restaurants (one of which was a prior visit to The Hut – we are classy) twice. Their first time they slept in slings the whole time, and the second time we weren’t doing baby led weaning yet. They both sat like biggish kids in high chairs and ate beets and pasta and breadsticks, but ultimately the distractions of being out of the house were too powerful and they just gaped at everyone. Coconut wouldn’t stop staring at our waitress; she was like a nosy old woman who likes to twitch curtains.

So we grabbed the leftovers and headed across the street for an impromptu picnic. Our town centre is two rows of shops, with a huge amount of grass and flowers and benches and things in between (and a huge fountain on one end, and some more shops the other). They mowed down on pizza, and practiced standing more. Coco gets herself up hardcore by pulling on my hands, and is pretty rock steady on her feet. She even regularly lets go of one hand and gives me a look like, ‘I need this hand for waving! And dancing! I’m not about to waste it holding on to you.’

Post-picnic we went into a few charity shops and for the bargain price of 5.00 got three or four kids books AND their first piano!! That shit is a massive hit.

We then walked back to the car, where I collapsed in a heap due to the heat and exertion. I have not walked that far…uh….probably not ever since they were born. I used crutches, but was still quite sore back in the car. We went for a drive through the country. It was nice but I don’t think I actually saw anything except a nice little village we half heartedly talked about moving to, while both of us actually wished we were napping on a lilo in the middle of a shaded pool in Air Conditioning Land.

Back at the homestead, we had bottomless swimming (again, babies only. I repeat, me so tiiiiired) until Snort was literally shaking from the cold. Both TMD and I were dead on our asses and everything felt like we were moving through molasses. Snort then proceeded to pull himself up on the gate. The next thing I know, Coco is properly crawling over to him (previously she’s only reeeally army crawled). I am screaming for TMD to witness milestone after milestone (she is in the kitchen cooking quesadillas).

Coconut then does her constant trick of trying to get to standing using…nothing. She pushes up on the ground, her legs go straight, and somehow her forehead ends up on the ground. She looks like she’s been folded in half. While I am marvelling and trying to take pictures of her, Snort pulls himself up again and I swear in frustration as I have not videoed him.

No moment is real unless it is caught on camera, my friends. Blogging is even incidental. It’s all about the pictures and videos, baby!!

At this point, I’ve had one baby eat the fucking popsicle out of my hand and had the other hump my leg about 50 times today. Where is my popsicle? Where is my humping??

Oh, me so tired.

Me sleepy long time. (Not likely, but I live in hope.)

At this point I am sitting like a zombie on the couch. Except a really bad zombie as I don’t have the energy to chase people around and try to eat their brains. I am motionless and expressionless, hoping TMD will think I am writing something important. She is in the bathroom with both kids, who have both just shit their pants. If she manages to get the poop off, it’s then bathtime.

I don’t know if it’s the heat, or my living like a hermit, or the physical exertion – but I don’t think I’ve been this tired since the week after the week they were born. (You know, because the first week I was too busy cuddling them at night and having TMD scream at midwives on my behalf as they were trying to steal the babies away and give them formula. That shit keeps a girl awake, I tell you.)

So. Where was I?

Sneaking off to the bedroom before anyone gets out of the bathroom, I think. Maybe TMD will forget she married me and I can just hide in there forever and ever. With Dawson and Joey and Pacey. And my crazy cave people books. And…..oh, I don’t know. My tiger balm – because did I mention? I’ve had an on-off migraine/headache since Tuesday.

Babies are awesome. Twins are awesomer. But the ability to sleep unmolested? I hesitate to say it is awesomest since nothing should trump my children, but day-um. It’s been a long week. Last Saturday is when Snort got the fever, and since then like 7093 teeth have grown in, he’s got fucking pink eye, people learned to pull up, people learned to crawl, people have pooped 432532 times, and people are waking up all. night. long.

All niiiight, all night long. Everyone you meet, refuses to sleep, all night long…all niiiight…

OH MY GOD THEY ARE GETTING OUT OF THE TUB. I NEED TO RUN. GOODBYE. I AM SORRY ABOUT ANY TYPOS, BUT NOT SO SORRY THAT I WILL REREAD THIS.

RUUUUUUUUUUUN.

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2 Responses to “The one where I use the melody of two songs, but lose my mind at the same time.”

  1. catsandcradles Says:

    My mother’s advice, when she found out we were pregnant (after the delighted sounds and the clapping, of course)? “You’ll discover that nothing is more important than sleep. Not food, not sex, nothing.” My wife was slightly disturbed that my mother was referencing (rather obliquely, I thought), the notion that my wife and I have sex, but I kind of felt like that wasn’t the point. The point was SLEEEEEP.

  2. boo Says:

    god yeah, i knew i liked sleep before minky turned up, but now? i would say i dream about it, but that would require me to be asleep first, and when i am, i don’t dream at all as my brain is just too tired to waste the energy on assimilating anything, let alone making up crazy shit about it.
    however, friends with older children say it gets easier and i am almost prepared to believe them. i will be glad though when people don’t automatically say i look tired when it is the most self evident fact on the planet. knowing i look like some sleep deprived, puffy eyed piglet does not, in truth, help.
    so yay! for outings. boo! to lack of sleep. keep on telling yourself that its only a few more months and then they will be running and apparently that makes them so tired that they sleep lots. i will be investing in a treadmill.

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