Oh, hundreds of thousands of you were asking for the PIZZADILLA recipe on Twitter. Fear not, my whimsical chefs, I’ve got all you need for tummies aged tiny – old.
Yes, it’s a plain tortilla on a white plate. I realise it’s the blurriest picture in the world, but let’s be honest. If you can’t visualise a tortilla on a plate, the cooking skillz needed to make Pizzadillas are probably beyond you. Only visionaries who dream big can make them.
Squirt tomato paste all over your sad little tortilla, and use a knife to try to spread it around. This takes supreme effort and concentration, since everybody knows tomato paste doesn’t like to spread. Notice my concentrated little knife marks. I am one serious chef, yo.
Cheese! We use full fat, full flavour mature cheddar. (Full fat foods are a must with baby led weaning, kids. Babies don’t need any skinny minnie bullshit.) Here I’ve lovingly grated and judiciously sprinkled it evenly across the surface of the period blood – I mean, the tomato paste.
Time to make a taste sensation:
Here we seem to have hit on the ultimate Pizzadilla flavour nest. I know because I made three different Pizzadillas, and this first one was lust-a-rific, at least from Snort and Coconut’s point of view. I’ve got finely diced yellow peppers and green olives. (And I think the taste of the smushed up clumsily cut olives is actually KEY to the success of the Pizzadilla.) I’ve also thrown on some oregano.
Next, you take another lonely little tortilla, smack it on top of this pretty little mess, and bang that shit into the microwave. I made the mistake of cooking the first one for two minutes, and delaying lunch by about 16 hours while we waited for it to cool. The next one I zapped for a minute, and that was perfect.
When it comes out, you cut it into six charming pieces. I served it with the leftover yellow peppers (because the Mamadilla I made was without peppers, since peppers make me want to die inside) and pears.
And voila! You have got yourself six hot, tasty little pieces of heaven.
The preliminary test group:
I think you’ll appreciate this was a moment of nail biting excitement. Not only was this test group composed of famous food critics and movie stars, but…and this is a big but (big butt – ha! I’m 12!)….their final decision on the Pizzadilla, if unanimous, would win me the brand new category of Nobel Prize: innovation and involuntary genius in cooking.
They LOVED it!! And they weren’t the only ones.
I’ll have you know that one piece was saved (by ‘saved’ I mean I didn’t get around to cleaning the table, so it sat out congealing for four hours until TMD got home) and when my wife tasted it, her eyes lit up. These things might not look like much, but do they taste GOOD.
She said, and I quote, ‘This thing is fucking magical’ and ‘this is the best quesadilla I have ever eaten.’ And that was after it had sat out minding its own business and getting gross. Imagine how good they are fresh. She even requested I make her one! I also admit to filming a Pizzadilla interview with her, which I am debating putting on the blog.
But….the best part of the Pizzadilla? They prompted the creation of PIZZADILLA: THE MUSICAL and it will be premiering on my blog tomorrow. Put on a pantyliner now, cause I know you’re gonna piss yourself with excitement several times while waiting to see this video.
If any of you become Pizzarilla Guerillas and strike upon another tasty combination of fillings, do come here and let the rest of us devotees know. I don’t know much, but I do bet at least three of your asses are going to make Pizzadillas sometime today, am I right??