Not my first time being a good egg.


We’ve been away, just got home today. Lots to say – but this week was full of firsts. First time to the seaside, first trip to the zoo, first scones.

Also the first time I’ve been called by my fertility clinic to say, hey, you know the lady you anonymously donated eggs to? She wants more of your good looking, super smart eggs should you choose to do IVF again.

I tell you, my genes make good babies, yo. I mean, if her baby had been born snaggletoothed and unable to blow good raspberries, she probably wouldn’t want more eggs.

More thoughts on this later.


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13 Responses to “Not my first time being a good egg.”

  1. anonymous (but I'll put my email in so you know who I am) Says:

    Awesome about the egg share! A woman on a forum that I am on just heard that someone she did an egg share cycle with is 18 weeks pregnant πŸ™‚ It cheered her up as she got pregnant that cycle, too but miscarried early on – She was thrilled that some good had come of the cycle after all and at least one more person didn’t have to do IVF anymore.

    Do you ever feel weird about it, though? Like, the fact that somewhere out there is one of ‘your’ babies? I know I couldn’t give up my own eggs, even to help someone to have a baby. I feel pretty awful admitting that to myself as I can only imagine my pain if I were unable to have my own children for whatever reason, and to think that I could help someone but wouldn’t is not something I’d like to admit to, but at the same time I just feel very atatched to my eggs. I’m not being very articulate about this am I?

    The way I see it is that my eggs are just that – ‘mine’. And having childrne already I imagine if I’d given them away to somebody else to bring up and the thought doesn’t sit well with me. I feel that giving away my eggs would be the same as carrying a baby to term and then giving it away for adoption, which I know I couldn’t do. I just know I couldn’t have a baby, no matter how it came in to the world, and not be a mother to it. I guess that’s pretty selfish but when I think about it I feel strongly.

    I admire and respect people who are able to detatch from that or see it differently, and are able to help women in the most amazing incredible way – to give them the gift of a baby is probably the best, most awesome thing anyone could do. Especially when it is so badly wanted.

    I know that because of the way I view my eggs and my babies I wouldn’t be able to do it, and if I did I’d constantly wonder about the baby and what sort of life they were having and I’d always think of it as being one of ‘my’ babies out there, even though it would be someone elses child. Does any of that make sense? Do you ever feel any of that?

    I am in no way saying or implying that egg sharing is wrong, please don’t misunderstand me. I think it is an amazing thing to do, but I know I personally couldn’t do it. Did / do you ever struggle with similar thoughts?

    What are your thoughts and feelings on it? Sorry for the long rambly comment. I hope it doesn’t offend or get taken the wrong way. I hope you know I have a lot of respect for you, even more so knowing that you have given someone the greatest gift of all and the greatest happiness of being a parent. Kudos to you x

    • anonymous - ooops! Says:

      Ooops still had the name in from the previous post I commented on lol x

    • Megs Says:

      Just sharing another perspective on this… I have absolutely no qualms about donating my eggs. I was conceived using donor sperm, and I am so grateful to the sperm donor for donating, and giving my dad the chance to be a father, because he is a fantastic one. For me, it would be like paying it forward. Helping someone else the way that someone helped my parents, what an incredible gift!

      Anonymous, your opinion is probably similar to the majority of women and I appreciate your honesty. Even my partner says she would really really struggle with the idea – whether it be her eggs or my eggs (I think my partner is even more uncomfortable with the idea of a mini-ME out there that we didn’t know!). My partner and I are considering doing IVF egg sharing, but even if we didnt I would consider donate eggs in the future. I have talked with Existere about this before, and look forward to her response as Im sure she will put it much more eloquently. That is just my POV .

    • existere Says:

      Yes, I do feel all of these ways, SOME of the time. I am going to write a post about this very soon (TMD is off work and we’re revelling in family time, so not for a couple of days, but it’s coming!!) And I think you did put it eloquently.

  2. Katie B. Says:

    Some friends of ours (not close, but extended chosen family… it’s a long story) asked J to be a sperm donor for them. He agreed, and they now have a beautiful little boy. So L has a brother she’ll eventually learn about, and she’s for-real cousins with my own prospective sperm donor (I told you it was a long story!)’s own little girl… whom we were calling her cousin anyway. It’s a little weird, but I do hope they ask J again when they decide it’s time for #2.

    My prospective sperm donor is a good friend/former lover, he and I were in each others’ weddings, etc. If I hadn’t met J, he would have been my baby daddy, and we call him and his wife Aunt and Uncle for L (and we’re their DD’s aunt and uncle). The couple who asked J to donate are his wife’s sister and her wife. So that’s the story. πŸ™‚

    I’ve considered donating eggs. I’m also at least theoretically interested in being a pregnancy surrogate. Helping people who want kids = win in my book.

    • existere Says:

      This is all ‘typical’ of the wonderful mixtures of the ways we can bring babies into our families. Lovely!!

      I think it would be nice to see the children as they grew up – I do wish that was the case in terms of the baby who resulted from my egg donation …but that being said, I wonder how I would feel about OUR donor knowing our kid? I guess it’s a totally different situation as none of us in our little chain are friends or family, and it’s all anonymous by law…

  3. Megs Says:

    That is great! Its a compliment, of the highest degree I think… :o) And you already know you make cute babies! Are you going to do it again, or do you have any frozen ones stored?

    • existere Says:

      I think it’s a huge compliment too!!

      We don’t have any frozen ones and I’m assuming ‘the other woman’ (ha!) doesn’t either. Our clinic only freezes the top of the line embryos – a bit sick weeding them out that way, but you know – and Snort and Coconut were both top lines, our only superstar ones. The other embryos we had were also quite good, good enough to get you pregnant fresh, but not good enough to store..

  4. The Barreness Says:

    On the other hand, maybe it’s like pancakes – you know how the first one never comes out right and it’s the sacrificial one which seasons the pan. (Can you tell I’m a second child???) Kidding – your bubs are supercute, and I’m sure she just wants more Existere goodness.

    • existere Says:

      I think the first one seasons the pan of parenthood for SURE, but I suppose that is a whole other topic!! (I’m a firstborn, dontcha know.)

  5. tuckedawaytears Says:

    I love it. I want to be an egg donor. I think it would be amazing. I was able to provide a family with a baby via adoption when I was in high school. I have looked into it (egg donation) and have discovered that I need to lose some weight (which I have been doing) to become an egg donor. I think that everyone deserves to have a chance at having their own children to raise and love. I think its amazing that the family wants more of your eggs to make more beautiful little babies with. πŸ™‚

    • existere Says:

      Wow, thanks for such a lovely and positive comment!! I think one of the things that sealed it for me was how deep my own desire was for a baby: and knowing I could help someone else who felt the same was pretty special. Our twins are also the result of sperm donation – without the anonymous guy who willingly shared his sperm, our kids wouldn’t be here. Donating eggs, sperm, or embryos (or giving up a child for adoption) is creating families and that can’t be wrong! I too need to lose a LOT of weight before I can do it again…good luck to us both on that front…

  6. Egg donation: my eggs become someone else’s child. « existere (latin): to stand out, to emerge. Says:

    […] donation: my eggs become someone else’s child. By existere I wrote a post last week that briefly mentioned that the woman I donated eggs to would be keen to expand her family using […]

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