I’m losing weight just doing the shit that other people do all the time.

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I’m a lazy ass. I will not quarrel with people who call me one, if they do so nicely.

That being said, I’ve clarified on my weight loss blog (still anonymous, sorry, but it’s sort of liberating!) that I will not eat unless the babies are eating. That means I don’t put shit in my mouth unless it is shit that I would be happy for them to consume. I deserve to eat baby-friendly foods, since they are the best, healthiest, and tastiest things. No added salt, sugar, or bullshit.

I am also determined to start feeding them at least two solids meals a day; up to this point I’ve been doing one as the pain (literally) of cleaning the floor afterwards has put me off. But TMD came up with the idea of using sheets like we did when they were eating in their bumbos rather than the table – first thing in the morning, two sheets are placed under the table.

After meal one, the top sheet is whisked away. After meal two, the bottom sheet follows suit. There is a final thick layer of plastic under these, so the possibility of a third meal is also there – but I’d only have to clean the floor once instead of three times.

Feeling pretty good today. Despite the pain in my ass (again, literally), I’ve served two meals, played outside with babies, and have washed ALL the dishes in the house (except the wine glass I am sipping Diet Coke from, because I’m fancy). I’m now even thinking ahead and sterilizing bottles as we need to leave to see Attila (my mean new Chinese physiotherapist).

So when TMD gets home, there is nothing to clean and the nappy bag will be fully packed. I’ve also loaded the washing machine with the sheets, baby washclothes, and towels. May start a load soon, but first need to pack bottles, pee, and locate socks and shoes for the babies.

This is the most mom like I have ever been, and in a sick way I have enjoyed the cleaning. Not much cleaning to ordinary people, but to me? This is the most work I’ve done in about sixteen years.

Snap.

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4 Responses to “I’m losing weight just doing the shit that other people do all the time.”

  1. Kate Says:

    Wow this is brilliant to read. What a fantastic improvement in your health and happiness, I am so pleased for you. Xxxx

  2. CJ Says:

    Um, I would suggest you get a dog….they are the BEST floor cleaners EVER! But they poop, so it’s a catch twenty-two!

  3. Shilo Says:

    We stressed out for so long about how the fuck we would keep the floor clean (carpet! arg!) when feeding the twins. They have 3 solid feeds a day and have done for about two months. We got two of those portable plastic highchairs that attach to your kitchen table seats, but they are a pain in the arse so I still feed them in thier bouncers. I’m too lazy to even get a sheet out 3 times a day, but probably will have to eventually.

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