Comfort me please, even if it’s just to say it’ll all work out.

by

Oh, the way motherhood can reach right into your chest and pull out your heart.

The babies just had their one year check (today is their ten month birthday, if you are keeping track. That’s just how the health service rolls around here).

Things are okay. Except they may not be.

Skipping all the parts about how they are mental giants and milestone geniuses, the health visitor picked up something potentially scary about Snort.Ā  He has a deep crease in one leg (a crease from a fat roll), and no crease on the other leg.

Asymmetrical leg creases can be a sign of hip dislocation. There is a more fancy name, but I am too cried out to look it up. If he’s got this, he’ll need immediate treatment as it is pretty serious shit, but fixable.

I was upset when I saw the first treatment – him being in a plaster pelvic cast (that holds his legs in the exact position a sling would – so one more reason to blame myself as I never do slings anymore due to mah little disability) for like three months. I just thought he would fucking hate it – but one account online by a mom said her kid learned to crawl in his in like 15 minutes. Still, though.

Then I saw worst case scenarios – which probably wouldn’t come into play unless he was walking. But it’s….surgery….and like a three week stay in hospital…in traction.

Oh, fuck.

He’d be so scared.

Please please let him be fine.

Do you know anything about this?? They both have had attention paid to their hips as they were both breech throughout all of pregnancy. Were referred to ultrasound as newborns – don’t remember how old they were, certainly under three months and probably closer to three weeks – and were given the all clear. A doctor’s exams of both their hips at 6 week check also said they were both fine.

So I guess I’m asking, can this shit develop progressively?? He’s had a manual check and ultrasound, both okay. Health visitor today didn’t say his legs were uneven, he’s not limping when he crawls..so the logical assumption is that he is fine, but we need to be responsible and get him check as this ideally is treated before they turn one.

I have been watching his hips like a HAWK for a limp anyway, because I wanted to make sure he didn’t have hypermobility. So there’s been no fucking limp, I can assure you. Was no way to really tell when he was army crawling, but now he is proper crawling. He looks a bit like Bambi, TMD said, because he’s still a new crawler, but she’s not seen a limp either. I think he looks fine.

I am already in a minor tizzy due to the influx of appointments coming up – my physio, my appt with orthopedic surgeon, eye checks for both of them (again, due to Snort. Poor fucking kid. This is follow up from the previous longsighted eye exam, and Coco gets automatic referral as they are twins. But health visitor also said he is ‘a bit wide between the eyes’, so that may mak him appear to have a squint even when he doesn’t, and he will grow out of this), now hip checks for him, possible ultrasound follow up for him, podiatrist for me, fucking pilates for me….and fuck knows how it’ll be if he actually has a dislocated hip. Ugh.

I hate feeling out of control. Or like a child – I can’t drive in this country, and I’m certainly not well enough to use public transport or take a taxi. My mom was like, ‘Put up an ad somewhere for a nice man to drive you around.’ Uh, yeah. So TMD is continually having to take time off work to ferry us around to doctor or hospital appointments – and two of these upcoming appointments are in different cities. WTF.

Anyway, my panic fueled tears have dried and neither baby has napped properly due to the extra long check from the health visitor. Going to maybe see if I can encourage sleep, and will probably start crying again when I hold Snort.

Right now he is sitting up and looking down at Coconut. They are chatting back and forth and laughing and laughing. His hair is sticking up every which way and he looks so happy.

Ugh. Okay. Crying again. I don’t want him to go into hospital, damnit!! I would shout the house down and make sure that TMD or myself was with him 24/7, but how difficult it would be. STOP PANIC. STOP. I’m sure he would just need the plaster, and trust me, as hard as that would be for him/us, I infinitely prefer that to any sort of separation of the family.

Say something nice. Anything.

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35 Responses to “Comfort me please, even if it’s just to say it’ll all work out.”

  1. mamacrow Says:

    and breathe (i’m not trying to be patronising, i react exactly like this too)
    HV said it’s probably fine, lets just be sure. that sounds like, um, it’s probably fine, just lets be sure, ok?!
    one of mine got refered for possible squint, but it was just that the widness between his eyes made him look like it.
    could you find a nice mum/dad in the nieghbour hood who would give you lifts and you would cook them something or mind their baby once in a while or something?
    maybe the hv could suggest support services? sometimes hosptials have them (more often for the elderly, but you never know)
    hugs. wish you were closer xx

    • existere Says:

      You are lovely. Her ass didn’t say it was probably fine, said he may need to go into plaster. But she is a known panicmonger.

      Snorty did have a squint when younger, not anymore…so fingers crossed on that shit.

      • mamacrow Says:

        ‘MAY need to go into plaster.’ as in not 100% definite, right? expect the worse but hope for the best as Maya Angelou’s mother said!

        ack, lots of babies have squints. sometimes they’re just squinting. like, on purpose cos they can’t see s**t.

        • existere Says:

          The last line made me laugh. Thank you for that.

          This is the health visitor who fucking freaked out when Coco had baby acne and was a bit hot – was like ‘Take her to the fucking hospital!! She’s fucking dying, yo!!!’ Even I knew she was crazy.

          And on the bright side, she really was quite casual about the whole hip thing, not to panicmongery or crazy, especially once she heard they’d already had hip ultrasounds.

  2. kgirl Says:

    I had hip displaysia when I was born. Back then, the docs didn’t do anything about it until after the child started walking (too late!). So, at two years old, I spent EVERY NIGHT for a year in a brace. My sister used to pull me off the bed and leave me on the floor, where I was immobilized. (hardy har har) It wasn’t a very effective treatment, and to this day I have some major hip issues that only promise to get worse as I get older.

    You guys are facing some scary, scary stuff, for sure, but really, truly, as a mom and a sufferer, whatever has to be done now is better than being in pain later. If something has to be done, It’s amazing how quickly little ones bounce back from these things.

    • existere Says:

      Yes, of course, you are right. I think this was just the initial shock and panic speaking. We will do what we need to do, I just hope we don’t need to do anything beyond a reassurance check at the doctor’s!!

  3. Matt Says:

    Everything will be fine, lady. If all the signs seem to point to him being fine apart from this asymetrical leg crease then I’m sure he really is fine. I mean, if there’s been no limp then surely nothing is playing up? And if the tests have come back fine!

    I know you’re scared as shit about what *could* happen, but the only thing you can do right now is be the best mommy you can be and keep yo’ bebehs good and strong. Chances are that he’ll be fine. And hey, if not? That doesn’t mean that the worst-cast scenario is going to rear its ugly head. I’m sure there are hundreds of other less-case scenarios that could manifest before you get anywhere near surgeries and long stays in the hospital.

    And if this health visitor has freaked out about nothing before, then I’d take that as a good sign. You know, with all of my health visitor knowledge ‘n’ shit.

    Breathe, lady! šŸ™‚

    • existere Says:

      Again, this whole comment was absolutely lovely, and then I read ‘health visitor knowledge n’ shit’ and cracked up. So thank you for that.

  4. @lynchmama Says:

    It’s going to be okay!! My DS was born with idiopathic clubfoot, and they had hip concerns because of his constant casts. I freaked out when they started saying things like “tibial torsion” and “surgery” and “screws with external fixators.” He never needed any of that. If he isn’t limping, and seems to be in no pain…relax. Make sure you get not only a second, but a third opinion. The casts “do” kind of suck, but they adjust fairly quickly. Just take it one step at a time!

    • existere Says:

      Uh, all those words in inverted commas?? They would have freaked me out too. Things in this country are sort of limited on the ‘opinion’ front, but if we DO have any remaining concerns will certainly be hunting down more doctors!! I personally think he is fine, never noticed any probs, which is why this whole thing came as sort of a shock!

  5. CJ Says:

    It’ll be ok! You would have seen signs with his crawling. Hell, if he had hip problems, he likely would NOT have crawled on schedule. He’d be behind. Breathe. I demand it.

    • existere Says:

      He crawls fucking fine!! TMD got home tonight and we were both just staring at him while he crawled around. I’m sure he was baffled, but liked the attention. Even if I was half crying at the time.

  6. Katie B. Says:

    If you haven’t seen any issues to date, with multiple checks, it’s probably fine. Checking again is NOT a bad idea, but my feeling is that it’ll be a ‘just in case’ scenario.

    I can’t help but wonder how they put the cast on and account for… diaper issues…

  7. Lara Says:

    First, I find health care professionals have a way of freaking you out way more than you need to be. Like with K when we had to go for a sweat test to make sure he didnt have cystic fibrosis (I think that’s what it was). “oh, he probably doesn’t, but you’d better go have the test to check it out”
    RIGHT! NOW I’M IN A PANIC! And thanks for that!
    Of course, he didn’t have it. He was fine, just as he seemed to be – fine.
    So, there’s that. Chances are he’s fine, they’re just being careful. And thereby scaring the shit out of you. Sucks, but there you have it.

    That being said, being safe and having it checked out is a good idea. Should he have it, then you will deal, and he will be ok. You are both incredible mothers who will be there every second and make him feel very safe.
    Try (I know this is hard) to not panic too much and assume the worst. That’s my advice anyways šŸ˜‰

    • existere Says:

      Thank you, thank you. Lovely comment, all common sense and good truth. And, uh, I freaked out about your baby’s non-existant cystic fibrosis just READING this thing. Am I a hypochondriac or health panic person?? Ha.

  8. PottyMouthMommy Says:

    my daughter had hip dysplasia… she’s fine!! Never needed plaster or braces, traction, or surgery. As an infant around the same age as Snort, my mother was told I had hip dysplasia and would need immediate surgery followed by weeks of traction and then casting, and even then, most likely I would need braces and special shoes. My mom totally lost her shit and got a second opinion… guess who didn’t have ANY of that crap and is perfectly fine now!!

    My advice: get a second opinion before making any decision. From the sounds of it, this health care person is just being an over-cautious fear monger!

    • existere Says:

      We have an appointment to see a doctor next Thursday. I guess he/she will then decide whether to refer him onwards for a scan. He totally already had a scan as a tiny baby, though, so not sure if they will do another.

      Thank god your mom lost her shit. Seriously. Imagine the alternative!

  9. schmutzie Says:

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  10. Tia Says:

    I was born with hip dysplasia, too. i was scheduled to have surgery at children’s hospital in birmingham when my grandmother demanded another x-ray & they had slid into place & i’ve never had any problems out of them.

    my family says it was a miracle.

    my dad had it & they didn’t find it until he started walking. it was pitiful.

    definitely get it checked out & be cautious, but you know, he may have another little crease from a fat roll on the other leg next week. they’re always growing. i know things will be fine. šŸ™‚

  11. catsandcradles Says:

    Wait, is this the same health visitor that was trying to convince you that if you didn’t know you’d had two “eggs” put back in, that you wouldn’t know whether or not your SON and DAUGHTER were identical twins? I’m just saying that I’d take things with a grain of salt.

    It’s probably a good idea to get things checked out, just in case, because if there is a problem the sooner you get it treated the better, BUT I think he’s fine. I think you and TMD would have noticed if he was limping or seemed to be having hip problems. Which to me suggests A) he’s fine, and B) even if there is a problem, it’s likely not too severe.

    In your shoes, I would likely also be fighting down the terror, but… I think he’s fine. *big hugs*

    • existere Says:

      Yes, he probably is.

      Our health visitor is good because she catches things and always wants them checked out – and in the first year I guess that’s a good thing, even if it scared us a few times. I suppose I’d rather her than someone who was really lax and didn’t do proper checks…

      • catsandcradles Says:

        Agreed, that it’s better to get things checked and find out they’re nothing than not get them checked and find out later that there’s a problem. And I’m glad that your health visitor catches things.

        But I still think he’s fine. *another hug, all the same*

  12. saralema Says:

    First, deep cleansing breaths. Next, try not to visit Dr. Google too much. I find him to be a fear monger.

    Seriously though, I truly get what you are going feeling. I’ve been there and am coming out the other side. The implication that something may be wrong with your child really yanks open the guilt floodgates even when you have absolutely nothing to feel guilty about.

    I agree with others and believe Snort will be fine. If something were seriously wrong, you or a health visitor would have noticed something off. Getting things checked out will ultimately give you peace of mind.

    Keeping you and your crew in my thoughts and prayers.

    • existere Says:

      Ah, it’s the day after the crazy entry the day before, and I’m definitely more calm. Still watching him crawl, and will probably test weight bearing like 60 times today, but I’m definitely less crazy than I was yesterday..

  13. Jenni Williams Says:

    This was something new for me. After three babies I had never even heard of leg creases being an indication of anything being wrong. I know in my heart HE WILL BE FINE no matter whether or not he has hip dislocation. I truly think you would have noticed if something was wrong. You are awesome moms and I know no matter what happens you will do the absolute best thing for him.

  14. The Barreness Says:

    I have no experience with this and hope it’s nothing to worry about. To distract you, I saw this online this morning, and thought it might interest you! http://www.theage.com.au/lifestyle/wellbeing/two-mums-better-than-dad-20100614-y7h6.html

  15. Lauren Says:

    Pretty confident you have a legal right to stay over night in hospital with your child. This came into play a long time ago, around when Bowlby’s theory of attatchment came out, sometime after the war.

    But I bet it won’t come to that šŸ™‚

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