It’s like the most random interview ever – or rather, it becomes that at the last two questions!!


Yesterday was my pamper day (no, not Pampers day!) a la TMD. She booked a haircut and massage for me, and I slept till 12:30! I’m feeling suitably rockstarry or something, so I’m going to answer all your fabulous questions now. All questions asked by you, Constant Reader, are in bold. Not sure I’ll have time to answer them all right now, but will make a start…

How has becoming parents changed your relationship with TMD? Has it changed?

Well, this is easy: less time to hang out together. Less alone time. Less fun time (like silly board games and bad tv? No more.) We also just had a drop down screaming match for about ten minutes one morning last week – and that is absolutely unheard of. We are one of those couples who don’t fight. I don’t think it’s going to become a habit, but there is no doubt that nine months of sleep deprivation will fuck with you a bit.

I miss her and wish we had more together time. I suspect that will come when – if – evenings ever become ‘normal’ again. In the meantime, I don’t resent the babies. We signed up for this and knew what it would entail, and we welcome it.

What do you do when you’re sick? Like with a cold? Do you whine and campout on the couch with soup or totally deny your sickness any energy?

Deny my sickness any energy?? Fuck that, man. I whine with the best of them, and TMD coddles me. In some crazy universe I wouldn’t mind being a bit sick now, as it would mean if I was sick enough she would have to stay home and I could watch Dawson’s Creek all day. No lie.

What’s your favorite outfit like? Mine is dark jeans and a tank top under my favvvvorite plaid shirt (yes I know the inherent dangers of wearing plaid) that buttons down but has always missed a few buttons, and I like that about it. And my sneaky red converses. Of course.

I don’t have a favourite outfit in the size I am currently wearing. I guess if I had to choose, it would be a tank top because that means it is summer! I’ve got a raspberry coloured striped one, and a big ass brown skirt, so perhaps that is my outfit for now.

I once had a bunch of ‘fat clothes’ and donated them all to charity when I lost all my weight. Because TMD said I would lose all the baby weight when we had a baby, and I sort of thought having fat clothes around was permission to not lose weight. However, now I have babybabyweight and nothing fits!! Damn us.

Also, what are the inherent dangers of plaid shirts? Turning into a lesbian?

One more….do you think you will
ever live in Country A again? And if not can you please get a bigger flat so I can Come and meet you properly?

Um, I don’t know. There is no way to answer if we would move there or not at this point. The lack of support and recognition for our marriage and lesbian parenting of the babies would make it a big NO right now.

We won’t live in this flat forever. Would you really come?? It would be fun.

This is TMD – sorry I don’t know how to log you out. Am I allowed to ask questions?

Have you always been afraid of taking things out of the oven?

Do you remember the first journal you kept?

If FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE you could only have one of the following, which would you choose? Books, Blog, TV.

Yes, you are allowed to ask questions.

I think I probably have always been afraid of taking things out of the oven, and of cooking in general. I never learned how (till you, anyway!), and then there is the clumsy factor. If there is a way to burn myself, I will find it.

The first time I began to journal was in third grade, I think. If I recall, it was a plain spiral bound notebook – perhaps red. It had ‘Scenes’ in it, and other stories.

I WOULD CHOOSE MY BLOG. Or, more specifically, writing. You can do a lot more with your imagination than you can with a book or a tv set. Well, I think so, anyway. I could write my own tv shows or books, yo.  Plus I would then have a pretty good excuse to write, and an excellent record of my life.

what reactions do you get from others when they realize youre a gay parent?

I haven’t had anything but positivity. Some people don’t seem to care if I am gay or not, while others seem to go weirdly enthusiastic and embrace it. Either way is fine by me. I think the bottom line is that the babies are obviously well loved, and that’s what people are looking at! Or waving at, smiling at, etc…

whats your favorite babycarrier & why?

Wraps. Wraps, wraps, wraps. They are the fucking coolest, man. So many different ways to use them – loads of different carries, plus the advantages of making tents in your lounge! If I were non-SPDed up, I think at this point a shorty wrap would be my current favourite. Excellent for back carries and hip carries, and so little fabric they fold up really tiny.

Can you pleaseeeeee move to Seattle?

Ah, I know a few people who would like that. It’s certainly a place we’d like to visit.

Who makes the best cups of tea? Aussie or TMD?

TMD doesn’t really make me tea at this juncture in time, so I suppose Aussie wins by default. I hope that makes everyone equally happy.

Can I boot the other commenters who sound like they really know you and TMD in real life in the ass?

I think there is only one of those, and she asked the question directly above yours. Should you choose to boot her in your ass, she may choose not to make you a cup of tea if you meet in future!

Have you ever had “your nails done”? I’m 24 and have not. I’m very ticklish and am afraid it would make me pee my pants and therefore be a waste of mulah

Is peeing your pants EVER a waste of money?? I have had my nails done. My mom took me when I was a kid – perhaps trying to make me straight long before she knew I was gay? I have also had my toenails done….again my mom took me, and it was while my grandmother was dying. It was some alone time for us away from the stress of everything – and I think my mom really needed it. I would have preferred to stay with my grandma, but as it turned out, I’m glad I went with Mom.

What are you afraid of? For me it’s oral sex (what? A I’m a rabbi for a reason) spiders, elevators, raw or undercooked eggs, bees….

Death. Or one of us getting really fucking sick. Big things like that.

Small things don’t scare me much. I am grossed out beyond description by worms, slugs, etc – but it’s not fear. Same with buttons.

I guess I am also afraid of not fulfilling my potential.

Are you good at standing up for yourself? And what’s your favorite restaurant? Also, Favorite Etsy shop?

Ooh, this is a tough one. Am I good at standing up for myself? In my head, yes. In real life??? Depends on the context, I suppose. I can stand up for myself with family and most friends. I tend to not stand up for myself with strangers, weirdly.

I could tell you a really long story about a ‘group process’ weekend on my training to be a counsellor and how terrifically UNstandyuppyformyself I was, but I don’t know if that is what you are looking for.

My favourite restaurant….may be too non-anonymous. I like Mexican, I like Afro-Caribbean, I like Indian, I like Middle-Eastern. I don’t adore Italian, but I would marry pizza (not pizza from Italy, though. UGH.)

I don’t spend enough time on Etsy. But I am curious to know if a certain friend has a shop up, because what feels like lifetimes ago I won a homemade doll from her – she sent it along with a baby babydoll. These two dolls are in the top five favourites on EACH baby’s list. I don’t think there are any other toys I could say that about. I am scared because they are already sort of turning into lovies and I am so scared of losing a lovie.

Do you offer free online counseling? lol

Ha – I was going to say no, and then I realized that many of my friends use me in a counselling capacity. Generally I try to avoid it, though.

If Country A offered the same type of benefits for lesbian/gay couples as Country B does, would you come back to live in Country A? Why or why not? (I hope I got the countries right! lol)

You did get the countries right.

I don’t know. I don’t know. I don’t know. I have spent my entire adult life here, as I moved here pretty much straight after I finished university – think I spent one more year living in the woods in Country A, and then came here. Our life is pretty set here. We understand how to get from one point to another.

Moving to a new country would be a very big task indeed. But I would never say never.


Here’s mine –

Now that you are a mother, have you done or said anything that you promised yourself that you would NEVER say (before becoming a mother)? If so, details please.

I don’t actually think so! I did lose my shit with the babies last week, but I never promised myself I wouldn’t do that. Not that it is one of my aims, but you get what I’m saying!

I am sure my answer to this will change, but I’m not sure how exactly. I’m not saying I’m inflexible, but I had a very strong conviction about how I’d be as a parent – and it matches how I am as a person. So I’m not trying to play the role of the funniest parent, the most together parent, the coolest parent. I’m just sort of being me, but a better me.

how do you like to masturbate? how often did you masturbate before having kids? how often now?

I’m not sure why you would need to know how I like to masturbate. But there seems to be a comparison of sexuality pre and post kids, so I can address that: I am tired most of the time now. Sleep usually wins over anything else, except perhaps watching an extra episode of Dawson’s Creek even though I know I need to wake up in the morning.

has having kids changed your breast or vagina sensitivity? has it changed your appetite for sex?

Ah, another one. I had my babies via c section, so there was no messing with my hoohah/chacha/lady garden/bits. My body is the same now as it was then, except it’s a lot bigger with some kick ass belly stretch marks!! TWIN POWER. My appetites have not changed – except I suppose my food one may have …. I could probably beat Godzilla in a food eating contest.

Do you have a crush on me, or are you pregnant and wondering if it’s going to screw with you?

If it is option one I am very flattered, thanks. Option two? I think pregnancy and post-pregnancy are different and unique to each woman/pregnancy.

Okay, answered all questions! Thanks to everyone  who asked one. I may have o dig out my old copy of The Book of Questions and ask you all a question soon!!

Now…if you wanna do me a favour – I started a facebook page for this blog. It’s called ‘existere.’ Can somebody see if you can find it by searching and let me know? Everyone obviously free to join and have a chat on the wall.

In case you are wondering, myself and TMD have not fanned it – nor will we – so potential stalkers are thwarted!!


8 Responses to “It’s like the most random interview ever – or rather, it becomes that at the last two questions!!”

  1. Natasha Says:

    Great questions and answers.

    And yup, I found and liked you on facebook 🙂

  2. Katie B. Says:

    What have I done since becoming a mother that I thought I never would? Well, lots of things – reality meets idealism – but the one that comes to mind is giving my teeny baby a binky. She needed to suck, didn’t want all milk all the time, and we needed our fingers for other purposes. So she got a binky until she could find her thumb at 3 months. At which time I stopped offering binkies entirely. 🙂

  3. Natasha Says:

    Also, the weirdo-stalker in me saw this, “In case you are wondering, myself and TMD have not fanned it – nor will we – so potential stalkers are thwarted!!”, as a challenge and in refusal to be thwarted have found your real facebook account lol

  4. Petulence McGlab Says:

    I’m always afraid that by commenting and asking questions anonymously you’ll think I asked the REALLY weird questions. Which of course weren’t mine.

  5. existere Says:

    Ah, Petulence, I believe you.

  6. Joni Rae Says:

    Love the questions. I miss the days of having an anonymous blog with nicknames- it was so cool to be able to say anything!

    My grandma is a very clumsy cook- she is always slicing and burning herself, and chopping off teeny bits. I have wondered if any of those bits ended up IN the food. Creepy thought.

    You are afraid of BUTTONS? That is odd- although at least buttons are real- I’m afraid of zombies. I’m pretty sure they aren’t real…. I hope.

    Thanks for commenting on my blog

  7. Winnie Says:

    how is your SPD doing?

  8. Hello, stalker « P.S. House Says:

    […] like my friend Existere, I am opening my comments to your questions. Fire away, my stalkers, ask me anything. You […]

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