It has happened: I have cracked. I am now a normal woman.


Ever since the babies have been born, people have lavished me with compliments. I’m so calm, so relaxed. Well, yeah, I thought. What’s the use in getting worked up about stuff?? They are babies.

I’ve found myself laughing in situations that would have reduced others to tears.

Well, folks, my well of maternal patience appears to have dried up. And it’s not just my loose front tooth (thanks, Coconut) this morning.

Yesterday I was mad at Snort.  I had all sorts of awful thoughts. I had to put him down on the floor at one point and go into the kitchen and just let loose a gutteral growl. Fuck, I won’t lie: I told him he was acting like a little shit. A little shit!! My blonde angel with the sloppy kisses and big earthy chuckle: a little shit.

Not my best mommy moment.

And this morning? Coconut’s ass will not sleep. Will. Not. Sleep. Naptimes are becoming a total fucking joke. This morning she’s been whiny and tired for about an hour, and no sleep. The demon mommy in me thought, ‘Okay, fuck this, dude. Time for the big guns.’ I picked her up and carried her into her room, put her in her bed, switched on The Bears (a creepy musical device that projects cheerful teddy bears with abnormally large heads onto the ceiling), and stormed back out here to write this.

And now feeling my tooth. My poor, poor tooth. Do loose teeth reattach themselves? It’s not actually wobbling, just really sore.

(No, my kids don’t generally take naps in their room during the day. We will have a discussion on why disabled mamas with more than one baby may avoid that scenario another day.)

I can hear her messing around in her room. Ugh. Maybe she’ll stay awake long enough that Snort will wake up, and then I can try to ‘help’ her to sleep. Teething is a fucking bitch, I tell you. She refuses to sleep during most naps unless she is in a sling. Once the teeth come through, she becomes normal again. There is no doubt she needs nowhere near as much sleep as Snort, but she is also getting screwed as she falls asleep about 20 minutes after him, so her naps are always cut short when he wakes up.

Feeling calmer. Glad I put her in her room, glad she’s just playing and talking to her Pooh Bear (the whoremaster that rules our lives), glad for a breather. My fucking tooth hurts like a bitch.

The thing is, this is my Period Rage. I’ve not had this since the babies were born. Maybe my hormones have shifted – explaining both my uncharacteristic lack of patience with the babies and my sudden improvement in my spd?? Of course, the medicine is probably helping too.

Do they make medicine that makes you a glorious earth mother again, the sort who kiss their babies even when there is a risk of dental damage?



12 Responses to “It has happened: I have cracked. I am now a normal woman.”

  1. Megs Says:

    wait what happened – did she head butt you???

  2. Jenni Williams Says:

    You are still way ABOVE average here. I had to chuckle a bit, because dude I can’t count how many times I have called a kid a little shit (well at least in my head, many times out loud). You are a bubbling fountain of mommy patience and losing it once in a while is to be expected. My front teeth have ben knocked several times, they do stick back in and stop hurting. And putting them in bed and walking away needs to happen sometimes, so mommy won’t go nuts, she will be fine! Teething sucks. Have you tried the Hylands teething tablets? They are awesome.

  3. Joni Rae Says:

    Awwww (((hug))) mama- I have been there. The amount of times I’ve been headbutted over the last 12 years… I’m lucky I still have my teeth. Once it was so bad my tooth went through my lip! There have been times I’ve had to put the baby down- so I wouldn’t shake him or scream at him- (especially my 1st ds- whoa baby was he a test for my maternal love and patience!)

  4. bellygirls Says:

    I think this just happens. I remember a time with my sister. It wasn’t too long after my sister had my niece (I think my niece was 6 or 7 months). Anyways, my sister called me, almost in tears and I could hear the stress in her tone so I drove over to her house and offered to take my niece from her for a few hours to give my sister some breathing room. Before I left, my sister vented and I just let her get it all out… then I took the baby and left. When I returned, she was a different woman and a mother who had felt bad for acting that way in the first place. I think it’s the hormones fault. Those hormones always have a way of controlling our inner demons.

    The way you handled yourself was perfect! You are still a top notch Mom, in my opinion! 😉

  5. PottyMouthMommy Says:

    Every mom loses their shit sometimes! I’ve lost count of how many times my daughter has caused me to want to snatch myself bald-headed!! I actually miss the times when she was small enough that when I wanted to kill her, I could just set her down in her room with the gate up, or in her crib and leave her for long enough to have a quick cup of soothing tea and a calm 5 minutes for me. Never did her a bit of harm to have some down-time from me as well! Most of the time, the “time outs” made BOTH of us come out feeling better about each other and life in general.

    Maybe it is just hormones, but there’s certainly no reason for feeling aggravated by your children sometimes- and you did the best thing you could have done- you gave yourself a breather!! Trust me- you’re likely to need them more often as time goes on!!

  6. PottyMouthMommy Says:

    That didn’t sound right…. I missed some words.. I meant to say there’s certainly no reason for feeling bad for being aggravated by your children sometimes!!

    gah!! my brain has turned to mush these days!!!

  7. Diane Says:

    Sometimes putting them down and walking away is the only thing you can do. I am AMAZED that you made it this long keeping up the sunny attitude. I think that’s truly incredible. Hormones, teething, sleep regressions (are they around 9 months now? 9 months is tough for sleep) — these all add up to way less patience for everyone. (And some days? Some days I swear they are just OUT TO GET ME.) I hope you can cut yourself some slack and know that you are still EXCELLING in the motherhood department. Big hugs from far away for all of you.

  8. boo Says:

    don’t be too hard on yourself – this is textbook baby wrangling! walk away, put them in another room ( with or without bears), lock yourself briefly in the bathroom.. all good tactics for the hell that is teething.
    have you tried ashtons powders? we call them baby coke and i don’t know whether they work or i just kid myself that they do, but what the hey, she likes them.
    personally, i think you have the patience of a saint, probably the one that looks after mommas with SPD – St Pelvica? a lot more than me anyway. hope it all gets better!

  9. Tatiana Says:

    I never had Period Rage until I had a baby. Now I am a DISASTER. I don’t know how Chris hasn’t left me during my PR yet, because I am such a bitch to him, I scream and cry and hate him. It’s so horrible.


    Be nice to yourself. We all have shitty days.

  10. Jennie Says:

    When I had my kids, I was told that it was nine months up, nine months down. That’s to say that it takes 9 months to get over the pregnancy. So maybe something really has clicked in a good way for you, and this is the beginning of dizzying heights of mobility for you! xxx

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