Reality.

by

No, I have not read Under the Dome. I’d like to, though – once read a short excerpt and thought it sounded excellent. (Replying to my comments!!)

Today I am reading The Dark Half, which is probably one of his only books I’ve not ever read. Why am I reading rather than taking care of babies? Oh, I can’t walk. CAN’T WALK.

I am always writing about how I can’t walk. It’s true. On the best of days, I can walk about 3 minutes in a row. But our flat is teeny and generally I’m fine and living a ‘normal’ life within these walls.

Today? On crutches again. Just popped some codeine. Can barely move.

Have spent a good ten minutes this morning crying again. I don’t want this to be my life. A great friend on twitter said I am always so positive: about parenting, about spd, about life. I guess I am. But this ball of fear and panic and depression is growing, slowly but surely. Feeling pretty much assured that This Is It Now. This Is My Life.

Disabled.

Maybe all of you can keep the hope for me, please, because today I’m just going to curl up in bed and lose myself.

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8 Responses to “Reality.”

  1. mujerboricua Says:

    Please, please, please let me know if you need anything. I don’t mind at all! Really.

  2. PottyMouthMommy Says:

    I wish with all my heart there was something I could do to help. You’re in my thoughts in any case and I truly hope the best for your recovery.

  3. Katie B. Says:

    *hugs*

  4. @WannabeMomErin Says:

    (((hugs)))

    I am so sorry that you are feeling overwhelmed by the pain, and by the fear that it might never go away.

  5. catsandcradles Says:

    First of all, *hugs*. I’m so sorry that you’re going through all of this.

    I remember near the end my freshman year of college I had one of those mild crises that one has at such times. (Who am I? What am I doing? What do I believe? etc) I told my friends that I didn’t have any faith in myself at that moment. And my wonderful friend and later college roommate let me lie on the couch and cry in her lap. And she petted my hair and told me that it was okay, that my friends would hold onto my faith for me, and that I could have it back when I was ready. So, I am saying this to you: It’s going to be okay. We’ll hold onto your hope for you, and it will be right here when you’re ready for it.

  6. saralema Says:

    Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers.

  7. cookie Says:

    Sending crazy love to you… I know sometimes love just ain’t enough, but I will give it a try.

  8. eccedentesiast Says:

    When I say “this reminds me” it happened a couple of days ago so of course I remember but…

    This reminds me of being told I had MRSA. Instantly my life was over. I did for a while think I was going to die or lose my arm and I didn’t think I could live without my arm. The risk is still there as I’m still MSRA positive but I guess I had all the feelings you’re having in one concentrated dose of mind hell.

    It’s only slightly like your situation in hindsight isn’t it? What I’m trying to say is, is that I know how horrible it is to be faced with something so potentially life changing. But you are an amazing person and you will get through this okay lovely. You will becausse you’re strong even during your weaker moments x

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